Shit For Tat

Best Wishes

2011-09-17T12:50:00.000+05:30

To the person who paved way to create this blog,

All the best for the new life ahead. We wish you success and we hope you continue to stay with this blog for years to come even when you are busy with the new assignments you are going to take. ;)

Peter, you'll be missed till you're away. Be back soon. xoxo. :P

Shit for Tat Team

P.S.: Peter is going to start something new with his life. Lets all wish him luck. :)

This title isn't good, change it !

2011-07-17T19:10:00.006+05:30

This blog's background isn't very good, something more classic would look better ! And the name Shit-for-tat ! Really ? It's not only gross but also offending, it imbibes and showers all the negativity. Do something about it too. Also the themes aren't very funny and updated. Why don't you guys write about Digvijay singh, Baba Ramdev, Lady Gaga and other 'in the news' celebs ? There are loads of jokes on the web about them !

Counselors, advisers, guides, instructors, whatever you name them, are everywhere and mostly unwanted. You don't believe this ? Ask the person next to you, what he thinks about this blog or about you or even about the size of your PEaNUtS (what did you read it first as?).

There are three types of them,

1. Genuine ones

2. Not serious ones

3. Assholes

Got a career problem ? serious life decisions are on hold ? Go to your parents or true well-wishers, which doesn't include your gf btw, coz all she would suggest you is to marry her. So your family and only a few, which means 1, 2 or at max 3 of your best buddies would listen to you and if you are someone with more than 5 best friends, then I am LMAOing at you right now.The rest 2 of them don't exist in this Kalyug. Okay, so these genuine people would help you in putting your best foot forward or at least that's what is expected of them. They all fall in the first category.

Can't sleep ? take a pill ! It burns when you pee ?Well Drink more beer ! Don't feel hungry these days ? Ohh, check if you are pregnant or not :O Got split ends ? Chop your hair off. Running low on cash ? Shoplifting, that's the new 'thing' ! Feeling suicidal ? You could do much better with Ecstasy or Valium ! Bored of sex ? Change your sex or your sex-partner, turn gay or shemale ! Want thrill ? Slap a cop and spit on his face ! Don't like animals ? Well screw 'em, try humping a monkey ! Wanna get high ? Climb Everest ! Wanna experiment ? Put 10 Mentos fresh in a coke bottle and drink it ! wanna feel the heat ? Hug a pressure cooker while its on fire! Wanna get wild ? bite a snake! Got crush on your teacher ? Just propose her ! Got sibling rivalry ? Mix Jamal-Gota in their dinner a day before their board exams! Got a body scar? get the initials of your GF/BF as a tattoo. Wanna be a punk ? Get done with nipple piercing first ! A Snake bit your friend on his penis? Well, suck it ! Your boss is cranky ? Kidnap his daughter or rape his wife! Got Raped ? Chill, it's not like you'r pregnant! You are pregnant? well marry that Rajpal Yadav who proposed you in Engg days. You don't want to marry right now? Steal your bapuji ka paisa and run away from home. Failed in the exams ? get a duplicate report card. Got caught while stealing ? cry like you have a widowed mother and a blind sister!

Gahh! all these suggestions are unwanted and so obvious that they are, it's just your friend having fun at your misery.They are not serious ones. These ideas don't help coz you never take them seriously and if you are someone who has taken them seriously then, I so want to click your picture, hang it on my wall and laugh at it everyday !

When your baajuwala Uncle comes with a meethai ka dabba, just because his 'chotu' scored 95% in board exams and you scored 75 or 80 percent becoz you couldn't mug up like a parrot day and night, all he wants to show you and your family that he has a brighter kid. He'll suggest you to aim for B or C grade colleges in any field, but don't listen to him, he himself did not study at Harvard neither will his 'tota beta'.

Your Bf is a loser !

Hmm, you are right ! can you drop me home, it's getting late? Yeah I would, but it's getting late for me too.

Okay, you have 200 bucks? I don't carry cash much, I will get a taxi and go home safe.

Gee ! I have 5 bucks, catch a bus !

ohh ! and you think my Bf is a loser ? Ass !

You aren't made for this profession even if it's your hobbie, you aren't good at it, just change it !!

Hmm, So what should I do ?

I don't know, you are good with pipes, become a Plumer !

It's PlumBer ! and you thought I should be changing my job. Sicko!

All these Really unwanted Counselors have a stinking mouth, just coz it doesn't cost them a penny, the day it starts costing them, they will keep their ass shut !!

You suggestions on this post ? Think Think ! You don't wanna be an asshole !

Congratulations

2011-07-07T23:46:00.001+05:30

Congratulations Dear Nidhi Mangal for your marriage from the entire S4T Team and S4T's readers.
We wish you and Rohit all the very best for the life ahead.

MMX Anno Domini :D

2011-01-04T22:42:00.002+05:30

Ladies and gentlemen, insane and sane,

Shit 4 Tat is back to give you some pain,

Presenting a summary of decade's first year end,

Led to a lot of views got changed,

CWG's money changed hands,

Kalmadi to Assange, Dolly to costly Oneeyan,

Oh shit, only 2 years left for the world to end,

Sit back and enjoy, 2010...

1) Blasted off:

Miss Universes and Miss Worlds can only wish for a peaceful world. 2010 saw terror blasts, earthquake in Haiti. 2011 might just see Pakistan disappear as a nation with blasts taking place there as often as Dolly Bindra was caught using swear words.

2) Radia Tapes:

Will 2011 see the untarnished reputation of Ratan Tata meet a blow? Only time will tell...And we hope we don't have to say Tata to this gem of a person. Although people are still confused about what Radia tape actually had. Some thought it was Radio Active. Some thought it was all-in-vain attempt by Barkha Dutt to become as famous on Twitter as Arnab Goswami. Also, Neera Radia might be a good enough contender in running for Rajya Sabha next time, or Bigg Boss, who knows.

3) Social only working and Wickedleaks:

Wicked leaks was THE THING to discuss in the latter half of the year. But how Julian Assange was framed is one another matter in itself. Probably her mistresses has planned to sing ‘Assange saareee raat, soniyo vey’ but he leaked before he could peaked. Talking of Internetting, apna Mark Zuckerberg got TIME person of the year award. Wah ladke! He also got portrayed brilliantly by Jerry Eisenberg in the Movie ‘The Social Network.’ And it all boiled down to the fact that he made all the sites he made because of a girl. Sigh. Also, the movie clearly told that we all loved the way he lied. Also, Twitter ruled. And will rule. If you are still not there, are you an Orkutiya? Seriously? Follow @shitfortat chupchaap.

4) Suresh Kalmoohe and co.:

Despite accolades and medals won by India at CWG, the world saw India in shameful light after the corruption accusations turned out to be true. Crores of money was misrepresented and every Indian now wishes that we never host any international event again.

5) Way too bigg was this boss:

She came, she yelled and she still stayed!! :O

Bigg Boss was at its worst in its 4th attempt. The industry's biggest failures were the contestants and it was pretty tuff to decide who to eliminate, since everyone sucked. Salman of course wowed audiences by BEING HUMAN...But he was the only reason people could withstand the show. Amitabh uncle returned with KBC in a valiant attempt to get the cash flowing at home, with Abhishek yet again failing at the box office. Is this why Amitabh and Shweta Bachhan are coming on Koffee with Karan for the zillionth time?

6) Game on!

Statistics proved that 2010 was the year of break ups. We can't really blame the boys for staying glued to the television throughout the year and ignoring their girls...This was the year of sporting action! India did extremely well despite the corruption controversies at IPL and Commonwealth Games. Sania Nehwal and Somdev became our new eye candy. Many records were broken by Team India in cricket, Ashes were reconquered by England and 2011 brings on the World Cup. Game set match, this was :D

7) Obama at Maa India

Mumbai's diwali was reduced to a quiet affair with President Obama making a visit. Firecrackers were prohibited, hawkers were kicked out, roads were only filled with policemen....No, it wasn't a happy Diwali for Mumbai at all. Manmohan Singh and Co. fell all over Obama, only to have him declare that US would have plenty of job opportunities in 2011. Huh! Did I hear anyone say Obama ki maa ki?

Rahul Gandhi tried to do an Obama by making a visit to a college in Ahmedabad. He messed up quite brutually and Gujjuland didn't take very kindly to him. The next Prime Minister of India? We don't think so.

8) Boxed office:Rajnican and being Dabbanged

Dabbang broke all records, and for a change we saw little of SRK around. But of course, he had to spoil the new year by starring in Koffee with Karan season 4 and moaning about his 'sad' life and him being 'lonely'. The Munnis and Sheilas took over the idiot box and discs all around, one can only wonder if this is the same India which is considered to be conservative. Rajnikanth sms's spread like fire. Shhhh, Rajnikanth reads shit for tat :-s

9)Break ups and make ups:

Salman and SRK fought and made up again this year. Kareena and Saifu, Bips and John, PC and Shahid (Maybe together/who cares), yawn yawn. Even Malaika and Arbaaz Khan are still together. Angelina and Brad didn't get married, as expected. Possibly the only 2 biggest weddings of this year were Shoaib-Sania and Shashi Tharoor-Sunanda.

Happy new year, people! May you have a fun filled, awesome year ahead =)

P.S- The title of the post was Abhinav's idea :D Cool naa? :D

Know Your Shiters

2010-12-11T02:14:00.001+05:30

Hello Readers,

Before we celebrate the greatest occasion in Shit For Tat's history, please step aside and (let the drum rolls begin) congratulate our very loving Nidhi for getting engaged with her's Rohit. Big big big BIG congratulations to the couple. (keeping the drum roll going on)

So, Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls, its my pleasure to announce the fact the Shit For Tat has completed 2 years of its existence! Congrats to you reader log. Its just because of you people, and us of course, S4T is up and running.*teary eyes*

People, it is not an easy task to keep a joint blog running. We people have had numerous Yahoo messenger chats, heated discussions over gayish issues, over pity issues like AC, over important issues like Jobs, over pity issues like sex. Sorry :) Apart from the posting shitty posts, it has helped a lot to gain friends from all over. Mutual friends, friends of friends and what not, we have came across a long time, came across a lot of people, came across several hundreds of comments, first time visitors who stayed, one-time visitors who shitted and went away, and regulars like you all. Love you all from all the 4 chambers of our 4 hearts, That makes it 16 chambers. But who cares. Thanks for being there reading this.

For this special occasion, for the first time, we are about to reveal a something about the people behind and on the side of this blog.

Ashwin, Abhinav, Nidhi, Madhuri. Here is a small write up from each of them about you they actually are. In real life that is.

Madhuri Iyer

Hey. this is Madhuri Iyer. Btw, did most of you know my real surname is NOT Iyer?
Caught you!

No, I'm serious! My caste/community/whatever doesn't have surnames. My dad's name is my surname, so technically, I am Madhuri Kannan(my Dad's name) But my school insisted that I should have a last name and my dad's name should be my middle name, that's why dad put in Iyer because that's my community/caste/whatever anyway.

I was born in Bombay (it was called Bombay at that time re :O) and brought up in Ahmedabad. I am currently studying in my final year at Gujarat National Law University, Gandhinagar, Gujarat.
Interned in like a zillion parts of India, in law firms, companies, under lawyers in High Courts, Supreme Courts. Hoping to make a rapchik lawyer and do good for my country :D *hugs India*
Many of you have asked me what kind of lawyer I will become in the future. I will not become a criminal lawyer, because I do not like criminal law and it's not a field where girls can stick around unless they have godfathers in the profession. I am interested in labour laws and intellectual property rights for now. Building an interest in taxation and corporate law.

I was lucky to be able to meet Abhinav and Peter, my sft buddies in Hyderabad earlier this year. Wish I can meet Nidhi Mangal too :D

Looking for a job currently. Brb :P

Abhinav

Hi reader fox, I am Abhinav Bhatt. I am from Jaipur and currently in Bangalore, working ;) I had a lame blog called Y2A Slog and nobody knew me except some millions of fans, err some 4-5 people who read and commented. That was it. But then I got a proposal from Peter to start writing for a Joint Blog. I accepted and see I am famous now! :) 4-5 people who read have converted to 40-50 and that's enough. From S4T, I have gained so many new friends which I could have never made. Through S4T, I learnt to love writing, whatever crap it may be, just write and get things out of your head. I thank you S4T people who letting me in. Thanks. For girls who like good hearted people, ping me separately. HeeHee.

Nidhi

Busy in Her Di's Marriage and her own dreams. Her Bio will come later. :)

Peter

Hello world !

If you don't know me,then probably you should jump out of a balcony and die (ideally speaking). But I don't want that to happen, not because I care or something but it's just that S4T is too small to see someone die on his birthday !!

I never wanted to reveal what I am, what I do, what I eat, what I like, what i hate, my age, my height, my weight, my colour, my desires, my plans, my past, my present, my future, not a single thing ! I wanted to be anonymous, but somehow I did open up in the beginning itself and then mingled up with the e-world and it felt right, in fact it became the priority and since then there has been no turning back and the best part is that I don't regret it even for a second. Now if my personal life interests you then, I have grown up in Jamshedpur (and that has been the awesomest time of my life), did my college (engg) from Hyd and working in Hyd. My family moved to Kolkata, as soon as I moved to Hyd. I have an elder brother. Enough for now ?? GOOD !! Will let you guys know more about me on his 3rd birthday !

And now some exclusive S4T get together moments. Bear them

First Ever meetup. Nidhi and Peter in Kolkata

Indiblogger Meet bangalore 2010

Abhinav Nidhi, Bangalore

Peter, Abhinav and Mads in Hyderabad

Mads, Amrita, Peter and Abhinav, hyderabad, Peter's Birthday Bash

Peter, Mads and Abhinav, Hyderabad

Peter, Abhinav Hyderabad

Peter, Abhinav, Amrita. (Amrita was a regular Shit For Tat reader and billi blogger in herself so we invited her. All boys look bad.)

P.S.: Abhinav is the only person to meet them all. Yo!

T-SHIT !!

2010-11-13T13:18:00.004+05:30

Happy Diwali, folks! Let’s make the most of this Gujju New Year and we Sftians make a new year resolution to entertain you, poke fun at you, pretend we are the coolest things on Planet Earth and you are just some insignificant Pluto-ians, so on so forth. In short, we’ll make sure, things won’t change between us and you!! :P

Things have changed quite a bit since our last post. Our fellow sftian Nidhi Mangal is almost engaged and she’s loving it (No one has ever sent her those anti-marriage sms forwards, I guess) Abhinav Bhatt is still confused between 5 girls whom he likes (And none of those 5 girls like him…Oh wait, you already guessed that, didn’t you? :P) Mads is flooded with job offers from various law firms and companies and she’s too lazy to make her choice (At least 5 years of law school taught me to lie very well!) Peter is as usual in his own world…Good for us, we are safe from his outbursts at least for a while (If I am dead after this post is published, you know who is responsible for my murder)

Enough of my Harshita-ity (synonym for bakwas). Diwali means you all should be (AND BETTER BE!!) getting new clothes to wear. My target for this post is those lame-ass t-shirts with horrible captions on them. Just when you think, who the hell would wear such t-shirts, you see 10 dozen guys marching around in them. You can only roll your eyes at such wanna-bes. Like this:

1) Sorry girls, I only date models!

2) I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Who on earth will wear this t-shirt with such a one-liner? Makes dialogues from Rajneeti more cooler on your t-shirt, than this one!!

3) Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from many, it's research."

This is a regular quote seen as gtalk or Facebook captions. So spare us from wearing it on your t-shirt and announcing to the world, what a cool plagiarist with a halo on your head you are!!

4) The statement below is true.The statement above is false.

A boy would look sexier wearing a pink chaddi than having such a nonsensical statement stamped on his t-shirt.

5) I am Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore, I’m perfect.

Are we proving a theorem over here? This outdated one-liner was funny once upon a time in Mumbaai and the whole world, but face it, it’s cooler not being perfect these days J

6) This t –shirt turns green in the company of morons. (Incidentally, the t-shirt is green in colour)

This makes it seem like the wearer of the t-shirt is trying hard to be creatively cool. This one specially won’t work with girls.

7) I’m the person your mother warned you about.

Hey Bhagwan!! My mom would rather help you out in choosing t-shirts with better captions, than warning me.

8) Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Hang on, maybe I can fit a gun inside my mouth and shoot you, ala Rajnikanth style…

9) I don’t need no education.

10) I can only be nice to one person today. Today is not your day. And tomorrow’s not looking good, either.

You can send in your entries. The worst t-shirt caption will be awarded/rewarded :D

Going Up?

2010-09-13T20:37:00.002+05:30

Unless you are Robert Langdon you can relate to this post. We all travel in Elevators aka Lifts, don’t we? Not only because we are lethargic to climb those boring stairs. Stairs? Naah. I am going to gym anyways or I walk 3 KMs daily to catch bus or Ooh… I am wearing high heels, how will I be able to use stairs re! But also because some of us might be afraid of using the Escalators. }:-P so when you step into usually 4 by 4 or slightly bigger Elevators you step into a strange world. You are inside a metal cube which is absoluckingfutely small and suspended with just a group of metal strings and you just hope that electricity doesn’t ditch you while you are in there. For a minute or so, you are stuck with complete strangers. You don’t know whether to smile there or not. You cannot know whether you should laugh there or not? Even if you’ve just cracked the most hilarious non-veg joke outside the elevator, you try to curb your laughter but sometimes it spurts out by itself and rest of the junta gets confused instantly as if they were wearing leaves instead of proper clothes. So here are we presenting some insight into the Escalator world and people using it. You must have experienced it unless you are a Claustrophobic.

1. The Corporate Kind

These are usually the men in age group 35-55 and their face clearly suggests that they are bearing frustrations of work, inability to impress their young secretary, kids who do not listen to a word and tolerating a wife whose weight and demands are increasing faster than the number of the findings of fixed cricket matches. They carry the usual rotting pink color newspaper and a very serious expression as if they fill the highest Income Tax in the world and have just lost a million dollars in Share Markets. You even stare them and they are going to eat you up starting from your eyes without even burping. “You saw me? How dare you even look at me? Do I look like KFC Chicken Wings? Watch your eyes you jerk or I am going to take your tongue out of the lift on ground floor and take the lift to 14th with your tongue still licking the air on ground floor.” They keep themselves busy talking on cell phone or drowning into their Blackberrys.

2. The Insecure Abla Naari

If you happen to be a girl entering a lift full of males, you ought to be little cautious. Of course, unless you feel very elated when someone asks you, ‘Hor, kii haal hai?’ usually, when you are stuck with males of all shapes and sizes, eyes all over your built, you have to be nervous. Even a guy can feel nervous if he is stuck between Oblique crowd, isn’t it? From a guy’s point of view, when you enter the lift and saw your sapno-ki-rani standing there, how can you not look at her? You have to inhale lot of air to get your tummy in, act as sophisticated as possible and look busy in reading the safety precautions there*. You try to look into her eyes and suddenly take your glance away. Khekhe. Now if you are that nervous girl, which we left stranded few lines ago and got drifted into Bhavnaas, let’s discuss her. She pretends that she has worn a short top/shirt which she tries to stretch downwards as if it’s elastic. She will try to look very busy and will keep on putting the strand of hair behind her ears which keeps falling on account of gravity. Even if you ask her time, her body shivers and trembles as if you have asked for her figure. Bahin, time hi poocha hai, calm down.

3. The Peep-king Tom

Now this is the favorite. Everyone hates him. Him mostly. He is super duper interested to read the SMS you just received as if it’s his will. He wants to learn your name from your ID card so that he can name his kids the same and your ID Number is his lucky number somehow. The name of your company is as important to him as if these are the last words he wants to say when he dies instead of a ‘ilaha il allah wa mohammad rasul allah’ (there is only one god (allah) he will say Microsoft ahhh… Dead. He wants to see every minute detail of all the assets he comes across. And they may range from any to any kind. He wants to start a conversation with any humanly-looking-figure so that even 30 seconds don’t go for a waste. ‘Oh you live there, oh I live here. Have you seen Dabangg? Oh look at the ceiling. Oh I killed a mosquito in the morning. Mosquito se yaad aaya, aajkal Dengue bahut fail raha hai, nahi? Bhains ki taang! Taang se yaad aaya, have you seen Lady Gaga? Oot-Pa-Taang.’ He keeps on staring at you, irrespective of your sex, till the point when you have to shake a little to make him realize that you are not a poster. He is not a pervert but the elevator’s ambience makes him do so. Creepy.

4. The Notorious Kind

Then there are people of our kind. They cannot stop giggling in the lift. They try to hide their ever so smiling face with brilliant yellow teeth but they have to laugh without any joke so they will laugh out loud eventually. They find it alien to press all the strange looking buttons inside the elevator. They love to press the emergency button just to see how the alarm sounds like. They have to by heart the Safety Precautions* so they just recite them loudly. If by chance there exists a Mirror in the lift, they have to do all their make-up there itself. If they are 2-3 in number, and because of dense population inside, have to find a place in opposite corners, they have to talk/whisper/signal the most important thing in life to each other without fail.

5. The ‘Who dunnit Club’

AKA eeks kind, these folks have not taken a bath since last Holi. They have stopped using Deodorants when they saw the word inflammable on the pack. They stopped using a handkerchief because someone told them that the hankies are for the guys who wear panties. They have to have Mooli-K-Paranthe or raw Radish in their breakfasts or else they will die. So they have to do part away with the fart. Shit. Yes it is the same. And what better place than the Elevator with a small shiny and invisible exhaust fan to let it go. They can even do it without the sound. Bah, not discussing it any further.

*Safety Precautions: replace the world Elevator with Girlfriend and try to read the precautions next time you enter a lift. For instance, there is a line: Do not overload the Elevator beyond its limit. Keep going up and down folks!

Image Courtesy:
Agency: JWT Brazil
Creative Director: Ricardo Chester/ Roberto Fernandes
Art Director: Silvio Medeiros
Copywrither: Thiago Carvalho

FACEBOOKrimination !

2010-08-23T18:18:00.009+05:30

'Online gender discrimination', heard of it ? yeah this time the needle has taken a 180 degree turn, Now the target are guys and girls are having time of their life. How is it true? Well I am talking about FB precisely. Still did not get it ?

Okay so for all the laymen, let me break this shit down in to lemons !!

Kids, We will take FB specimen and see what the inference is..

On a girl's Status Message which is as lame as: "is happy after watching twilight, Robert Pattinson is hot" or a mere smiley like this ":D",there would be ;

i)at least 20 likes and 30 comments, if the girl is pretty and the comments would be as lame as the SM itself.

commenter 1 (a guy) : I am happy for you too, keep enjoying :D (yeah why won't you be jerk, she is pretty)

commenter 2 (a lame guy/gay) : wow !! even I love Robert Pattinson !! (I mean WTF :O)

commenter 3 (this time a girl ) : hey babe wats up ? ( err u did not just read wats up wid her? fucking blind lady !)

commenter 4 (some newly added XYZ) : thank you for accepting my friend req (great and now you will spam her homepage, boy shez gonna regret it later and you are blocked for sure)

....and this continues till her next update comes up.

ii) at least 10 likes, and 20 comments, if the girl is average but way too frank and active on FB.

commenter 1 (a dude who is a flirt) : next time watch with me, you will be more happy (well why not, I mean obviously you know how to talk:| )

commenter 2 (some guy) : plot was good, movie was okayish, I hate Pattinson he looks gay (Okay, so finally someone with a genuine comment, YAY !)

iii) 5 likes and 2 comments even if the girl has hair all over her body other than her head !

On a guy's Status Message which is as sad as this "Met with an accident, broke my hand, 15 stitches in my ass, 5 front teeth gone, 5 months bed rest"

i) 2 likes (WTF :O), and 10 comments (ranging from sympathy to irritating ones)if the guy is popular and is handsome.

commenter 1 (his best friend): Man ! that is bad, get well soon mamu (thanks, now call me haramkhor !!)

commenter 2 (so called friend): sale ladki taap raha tha kya? lol, kaise gira ? and stitches on ur ass? now you are a certified asshole, LMAO (you just hit me where it hurts, let me get well and you are gone)

commenter 3 (guy's gf): I will come to see you tomorrow, got some work today (of course you do, now you will be busy for next 5 months, for sure).

On a girl's recently updated Photograph, where she is wearing a mini skirt or some kinda party wear, which of course makes her look good in the party, but makes her look better on FB.

i) 40 likes, and 50 comments, that too in just two hours :O

Commenter 1( of course a guy) : WOW !!!!! SEXY, DAZZLING, STUPENDOUS, AMAZING, MAGNIFICENT, SPARKLING, ETC ETC ( dude did not you use all your rubbish vocab in one comment ? and wtf is this "etc etc" eh ?)

Commenter 2 (of course a pervert) : I love you ( really ? like really ? LOSER !get the fuck outta here)

Commenter 3 (of course her best gf) : hawtyyy muaaah ( err, don't blame perverts now, if they get aroused by this PDA)

the funny part about the last comment is that it will have again 5 likes :O

On a guy's photograph, which is taken while sky diving and looks AWESOME !

i) there would hardly be 5 likes and 6 comments, and I am not making this up, I do have proof !

commenter 1 (his friend): amazing dude, which place is this ? (sky !! can't you see? )

commenter 2 (his office colleague): enjoy your trip ( of course I will, after all I don't have to see your face for a few days)

On a girl's Relationship Status that says "married, Committed or single"

i) If it's married,then there would be 100 likes and 150 comments depending on the size of the friend-list of course

commenter 1-100 (guys,girls, eunuchs) : congratulationssssss, happy married life !! (her next status message would be thank you all for those wonderful wishes )

ii) If the status says "In a relationship" then at least 50 likes and 50 comments ranging from shocks, to wishes to lame queries.

commenter 1 (some good OL friend) : When :O What: O How :O Why : O (alright there Mr.Aaj Tak, enough !)

commenter 2 (Her bachpan ka aashiq) : Wish you all the best in your life, take care ( LMAO, so cute you are =)) )

commenter 3 (the guy she is committed to) : hehe ;) (now what the hell is there to wink and laugh ? is it a joke for you ? bastard !)

iii) If the update says "single", then at least 20 likes by those guys who like her and 20 girls who are also single and hence happy to see this change.

commenter 1 (her office ka majnu) : hey update me with your number ya, long time. (wat ? really ? we daily meet in the office and I dun even smile at you :|)

commenter 2 (her other single friend, who is no more jealous) : congrats, welcome to the club girl (c'mon she had a nasty break up,give her some time. BITCH !)

If it's a guy with these type of Relationship status updates, there will maximum be 10 likes and at most 15 comments(including his own "thank you" comments) and all the comments would be "Congratulations" or somewhere on those lines, irrespective of what he has updated !!

It doesn't end here, it goes same for video updates, stupid fortune cookies and lame quiz results and beyond that. Not only confined to FB or orkut, it is even apparent on Blogsville.I had written a similar post before, but FB gender discrimination is way too itchy !!

Wait, is that your Date?!

2010-07-25T19:41:00.005+05:30

Only one among us SFTians is committed, and the rest of us are committed to being single (All you new readers, read our individual blogs to find out who’s the one who’s committed among us! Free publicity khekhekhe)

We singletons are a curious case of sour grapes. Hence, we have nothing better in life to do except to make fun of the existing couples and discourage the prospective couples ;)

If you are in the former category and if you are in the later category or if you are single and looking like us, here’s SFT bringing you the top 10 people you shouldn’t DARE TO DATE!

1) The Boss

One wrong move, and you lose your job and you blew your other job! ;)
Professionally and personally both, the boss is always right. Even if he’s hot, don’t you dare look at him for more than 30 seconds. The hot bosses are only for fantasizing purpose. No dating purpose.

2) The teacher’s daughter/son

You really don’t want to pick up your date from your teacher’s place, specially if you date on weekdays. Specially if the date didn’t go out well, (since you were busy on the phone fighting after the date, you conveniently forgot to do your homework) you could very well be told off in class, made to stand in the corner of the class, and also be given a memo to be signed by your parents. Grades could be at stake too, so a big thumbs down, however hot the stakes might be!

3) The Friend’s EX

How desperate can you get? When your friend axes, you grab at the ex! This is a total no-no.

4) The Business Partner’s daughter/ Family Friend

Firstly, not many Indian parents will be over the moon to find out that your inner motive of going to ‘Uncle’s place’ was not to look at his collection of novels, but was to hook up with one of his collection of pretty young things. And if things go wrong, your dad’s business be dammed and you my friend, should forget about grabbing any inheritance share in your dad’s property.

5) The Indian cricketer

Ok, so Dhoni saw Sakshi at this hotel and it was love at first sight for him, and he tried and tried for her and at last she surrendered. But girls, that was Dhoni. You have no options left now. Who do you want for a companion? Yuvraj Singh? Harbhajan Singh? Irfan Pathan was good, until we heard rumours of him and VJ Anusha. He’s seriously not keeping it stylish anymore, is he? There’s Virat Kohli, but his life is on the fast-track lately :P

6) Your next door neighbour

It’s as bad as having a live in relationship with no one to sleep with. You open the door, in shorts, uncombed hair, unwaxed legs and behold, your neighbour-boyfriend sees you in your AVATARish avatar and it’s simply a very pretty fright for him. If you think it’s bad only for girls, then putting myself in a boy’s shoes (EWW, stinky and smelly!!) and thinking...well, it’s equally bad for them. Our boy simply sits down to see a football game and his neighbour just needs to crawl across the door to nag him or to fight with him for not noticing her new eyeliner. Tch tch…love thy neighbour as thyself...NOT!

7) Ankit Fadia

You really want to date a hacker despite him being cute, 25 years only and immensely smart? He’ll scrutinize your girly chats with your friends and even if you gushed at Ranbir Kapoor, our pretty boy will not like it.

8) Angelina Jolie

You’ll find your time spent in adopting an Indian cricket team and less with her. Give me one good reason to date her now!

9) Rakhi Sawant

You really considered her? GET OUT OF SHIT FOR TAT,YOU !!

10) A SFTian

However hot we are, however cool we are, we are just going to play hard to get and pretend we are not overwhelmed by the laurels (and hardys :P) you are gonna dump on us. We are proud to be modest.

Do you dare to date any of us? :P

I am participating in the WeBlog's Sleepy Sunday contest! You may read other participating posts HERE

DisLike or Like Dis ?

2010-07-18T00:56:00.005+05:30

You can quit reading this post now, if you belong to any of these categories;
1. You are a Facebook illiterate or you don’t have a Facebook account.
2. You are dumb and you don’t get
SFT jokes (which btw obviously makes you dumb)
3. You still use Hi5/orkut.
And by chance if you belong to the third category, you should jump from the nearest balcony and die, because you are just about 6-7 years behind where the world is right now. So by the time you start using facebook, we will have our children getting married and reproducing online, now don’t ask me how is that possible? Because anything is possible, I mean Mads recently found out that Suniel Shetty is the brand ambassador of some xyz brand of shades, now beat that!
Now, coming back to this post,SFT thinks that there are zillions of Fan pages and groups on FB which people join/like and forget. So what is the use of joining them in the first place itself? You want to spam your wall? No! I just join them and block the feed. So again, why do you join them? Err no idea…I just like to! Wow that’s like the coolest logic ever!

If we break it down in to the types we will have these:

The Essentials: Schools/colleges/universities, TV shows, favourite stars, personalities, books, writers, etc. Which you join because you belong to them or like them and you can probably get the latest information from them, find your old buddies. It’s all useful and one of the basics of any social networking site. So if you only join these groups and pages, you just had a light escape ;)

The Not-So-Essentials: The perfect example would be ‘tera hone laga hoon’ group. Okay you saw the movie, you liked the song, and you drooled over Mr. Kapoor/Miss Kaif, now what? You will go to that community and tell the fans how much you liked this song? Those guys probably know it already, they are JUST like you.

The Non-Essentials: This whole post is to emphasize on this particular category, SFT has been observing this bakwas phenomenon since long, although one of its co-founders might just get MAD and kill the author of this post. Anyway putting my life at risk, I just want to give ‘thumbs down’, for these type of groups/pages:-

“After putting the toothpaste on the brush, I put water on it”- OMG you put water? I put Harpic, maybe that’s why my teeth shine more.

“Sometimes when I walk, I put my feet on those square shaped tiles”- Great, so did you add that in your resume?

“The teacher asking you a question and your friend next to you whispering the answer”- So learn from him/her instead of making a FB page about it.

“Thank you Pakistan, for taking Sania Mriza, now take Rakhi Sawant also”, yeah and take this jobless person also who made this Fan page and all those who joined it.

“I want to talk to you, but I feel I am annoying you”- Oh, well then maybe you are.

“The guy who discovered milk, what the hell was he trying to do with the cow”- How the hell did you think of that? You are no less pervert either.

“Hi, I am a boy, I will say I love you but when you fall for it I will walk away”- Ok, all the drama aside, you are a girl who made/joined this community, right? Then why are you lying?

"I say "OUCH" before I'm even sure it hurt... just in case"- I will say OUCH on your behalf after you are dead in my hands, just for this!

I can really go on and on and on about such pages, but there is hardly any point. People like them and they join them and then forget about them. It’s not awesome to join all the communities you like for like 10 seconds. Else why do you think Mr. FB has a limit for joining pages and groups too (How did I know? Yes, from the same source you found out from!)

Wai two Aye!!...Happpy Birthday!! :D

2010-06-30T22:59:00.004+05:30

He stormed the blogger world with a 3 letter name,

Thought he was cool , attaining all the fame,

Who the hell is Y2A, we wondered,

Why does he hide his identity, we pondered,

Is he a he? At least, we were sure about that ;)

Why does he hide his pics? Is he fat?

Slowly, Y2A opened his shell,

Hi! I'm Abhinav Bhatt, thus, he pinged our gtalk bells,

Peter thought he was the man,

Nidzzi thought....well, of everybody she's a fan ;)

Harshita thought he was a geek,

Mads thought he was a show off and a freak.

Little did we know what fate had in store,

Best buddies of Abhinav, became us 4,

Battled with bloggers, fought for one another,

Though we ain't any sister and brother,

A bond ties us tight, no question of drifting apart,

We chat, we laugh, we cry, we fart.

Happiest Birthday to Y2A turned Abhinav Bhatt !! Have a great day ahead...Wishing you all the love and luck for the future :) :D

Happy Birthday to the Ladizz log ka man - Peter ;)

2010-06-03T22:57:00.006+05:30

It was some blah-blah years back that an Eminem-isshtyle laughter (hell! it shud be a howl, babies don't laugh when born hawww) broke the silence of a random labor room ;) and the boy-with-the-sexy-smile was born.

His parents named him Ashwin but the world recognized his immense talent and due to some ahem! sort of reasons that cannot be disclosed in public, his friends started calling him - PETER :D :D Rest is, as they say, HISTORY :) ;)

So, herez a big HAPPY BUDDAY wish for our favorite rapper, philosopher, co-shitter, dreamer, believer, singer and MY very-own Hero :)

For people who are just a part of the crowd, birthday wishes are easy to write... but for someone like you, it was a challenge because we really have no clue what exactly should we write that would justify the wonderful person that you are :)

For now, adjust with this small wish from all of us...

So here are some of the chhoti/moti wishes --

- May God bless you with many more moments to smile and so you can make gals go weak in their knees. OMG, stop smiling...I can see one of them falling :|

- Wish you loads of success and happiness.

- I wish that someday this year, you will realise that what a gifted singer and performer you are ...and you'll step out and tell the world about it. I will eagerly wait for that day to come and will be the first one in the row yelling at the top of my voice while you sing :)

- I wish that someday people understand the nice guy you are behind that stupid frown of yours.

- I wish that someday you'll believe that you indeed are someone people can count on and feel safe with.

- I wish that all your dreams come true (ofcourse the ahem! ones too)

- I wish that your year and life is filled with less of WTF days and more of OMG, wow! days ;)

Last but not the least, I lifted this from someone especially for you :

"Few tips on your b'day :

1. Forget the past-u can't change it.

2. Forget the present. I didnt get you one."

LOL... I know that was a lame one..but that's all we could manage right now.

So once again from Mads, Nidhi, Accilet and me, wish you a happy birthday and an awesome year ahead :)

On behalf of the Shitters - Posted by Harshita.

The SFT AnTHEME !

2010-05-24T22:47:00.002+05:30

Since the time SFT came in to existence, it had lots of changes but a theme song, an anthem was missing. So it is here finally. Hope you all like it :)

The SFT anTheme

If you can spit, your wit, then you can spit,

That’s it, if you can’t spit, your wit, then you wit

Sucks, it’s a shit, just admit, it.

So lemme split it, for you, it ain’t whit,

Now don’t grit, your teeth, just look at it,

Bow down & greet, coz we kick out the misfits,

It’s just about fit, it can lit, you so sit,

And go through it, Awryt ?

I ain’t talking about your balls or bat,

I ain’t talking about your cheap stunts and spat,

I ain’t talking about silly this and that,

Bitch I am talking about Shit for Tat.

Folks, we crack jokes, which chokes, your interior,

So if you feel inferior, laugh at yourself period,

we throw darts at, the targets, so lets

crack that funny bone, which you own son,

for fun, and no pun, intended,

but I recommend that, don’t foresee, just read it closely,

and have no mercy, tickle your tonsil, die in your jersey,

unfold your glee, & don’t let your smile freeze, it’s free.

Shit for Tat, yeah like a mouse chasing a cat,

Yeah, like you talk, when you chat,

so, laugh loudly and get choked with mouth cough

Roll on the floor and laugh your ass off.

Indian Blogger League (IBL)

2010-04-18T16:56:00.005+05:30

Since the whole world is tweeting, FBing, gtalking and maybe even hi5ing (is anyone even on that social networking site anymore? :O) about IPL, sft shouldn't be far behind.

We rapped about IPL season 3 and this time we'll show you how our bloggers would fare if they were put for auction in ipl season 5 !!

1) Amrita Roy- With a figure like hers, she should be a White Mischief Girl!! Ahem. I mean a cheerleader for Royal Challengers Bangalore (*whispers in your ear*-wearing the skimpiest clothing), in laywoman terms for this i-hate-cricket girl.

2) Harshita- Preity Zinta is thinking of selling her IPL team. Anyway, Harshita always travels around the world. Why not buy Kings XI Punjab team, girl? You get to travel, be with hot guys from 10 teams, and ummmmmmmmmmmm...Ok, you get the picture!! And I'm sure Yuvi will hit 6 sixes again if you give him your special jhappi and pappi ;)

3) Nidhi- She should be in the team management of Royal Challengers Bangalore team. Why? Because whenever they lose, Vijay Mallya's beer will not go down the drain...It'll just go down Nidhi's throat :D

4) Peter- We need some peppy, rap theme songs for our teams, dude!! Get to work!!

5) Abhinav- He can design the websites for all the teams. Did you know Bill Gates decided to retire after he heard about how good Abhinav Bhatt is at computers?

6) Dhanya- She wants only one job. Looking, staring, leeching, drooling, fantasizing, ogling at Brett Lee. Considering his F(A)itness, Dhans and Lee can warm the bench in the dugout happily, all throughout season 4.

7) Shaunak- Instead of holding contests for tickets for PRINCE, he can do better in contests for tickets for IPL !!

Any more additions? You're welcome to contribute :D

Happy Bday Mads~~~ !!!

2010-04-13T23:23:00.010+05:30

Biggest fan of Rahul dravid whose id itself shows she is ‘one man woman’, the girl who makes us laugh untilll we fall from our chair through her Dad’s and Mom’s Joke. Her hunt to Mr write from Bus ka conductor to Mr Rahul Dravid her moodswing and bina matlab ka break from from her blog, her “pissed che moments” she hot hits for guys goes on starting with RB, Imran Khan, John Ab, etc.

Mads is mad and she makes every one mad and take in a different world of madness where we know being mad is being different!!!
We love mads for her mad talks, mad posts, her mad-bad moodswing, coz that ain't bad ;)
Today on this special day. we all want to wish u Very Happy birthday.

We are wishing you another year
Of laughter, joy and fun,
Surprises, love and happiness,
And when your birthday’s done,
we hope you feel deep in your heart,
As your birthdays come and go,
How very much you mean to us,
More than you can know.

History behind April Fool's day !

2010-04-01T22:19:00.004+05:30

Did you ever try to know why do we celebrate Fool's day ?

NO ?

Okay, Now don't give that frowning look, after all for the very first time you are getting some gyaan from a Shit for tat post. So here is the history behind Fool's Day....

In Early Eighteenth century, there was an Irish guy named 'April John', he was a brilliant guy, but his brilliance made everyone around him jealous and they started cursing him for no reason. But Since he was a brilliant guy, he was a little mad too (like how generally extraordinary people are). All he did throughout his life were unconventional things, and his this approach made him the most foolish guy of all time. For example, he married a 61 year old lady, when he was just 18. He made two doors at the same place in his house, one for getting himself in and the other one for getting himself out. He wore an umbrella shaped hat for all the seasons, in summer to avoid the sun, in winter to avoid the snow and in rainy season to save himself from the rain. His stupidity, never harmed him and always benefited, those people who knew him personally.Even till today his stories are famous in Ireland and in fact some stupid people still find it funny all over the world, because they think it's true and you know who all are they ? It's you guys who are still reading this post and nodding. I mean what do you expect from Shit for tat ? huh ? we will talk sense ? that too on this particular day. Did you not learn anything so far? See now I am gonna end this post, but I can't end this long paragraph just like that, coz it should look like a story when you give it a first glance and I know some of you are so smart that you will read the first paragraph and read the bottom one and decide what is in there, so I am gonna write a misleading last short paragraph. Do not get lost in the end.

So the story teaches us, how April Fool's day is not just a day for making a fool out of other people, but how you should make fool out of yourself too at times. In fact, It holds a perfect example of how foolish the human nature is.

HOLI-SHIT !

2010-02-28T23:58:00.009+05:30

Hello Bloggers how you all doing ? I know a lot of you come here, read
free jokes, laugh your secret body parts off and run away without
commenting here or in the shout box. Let me tell you, S4T is not
inactive, in fact it's 'tweet for tat' part is always on fire. Now
this post is not about spanking your butt for not commenting or not
Shouting in the shout box because we will have a separate post for
that. This post is about mocking you, so that you end up screaming
HOLI-CRAP !!

ABHINAV BHATT : People know AB senior, AB junior, but he is our AB
Engineer. Carrying an AB tag is always tough, it's like comparing you
with "haaaiiiiin" of Bollywood. But he is way better than that
(H)arami AB junior in whatever he does. He has achieved things on his
own grounds, unlike that SON-OF-A-RICH !!

MADS : Okay, She saw a match and she claims that it was a SEE-SAW
match. A few times she was on the top and the other times the real
players were on top and by that I don't mean on top of each other. I
simply mean that she excited SA players and distracted Indian players
throughout and the match's result is in front of you. We also know
that you blasted a few too, coz you HAD A BLAST !!

NIDHI : Y'day she forgot to Study, Imagine a kindergarten kid saying
this to her teacher, Kid : solly teacher I forgot to study, Teacher :
Could you BE more funny and lame ? But that's all about that kid, our
nidhi is not funny and lame separately , She is Just the mixture of
two, she is FLAME of intoxication. Here is your Bhang for this holi,
ab chalo Bhaag lo yahan se !

PETER : It's funny someone asked me If I am an Italian recently, I am
like yeah I am from the Italian part of India, "kolkata". Okay, since
I am writing this post and I am very bad in making fun of myself, I
give you guys the opportunity to make fun of me. Look at all you
grinning Losers !

HARSHITA: Now, trust me guys if you give the latitude and longitude
of any place in the world, she will tell you where that place
exactly is. She has traveled enough, in fact she washes her clothes in
Washington, takes a taxi in texas, gets up Daily in Delhi, uses
London's loo and it all leads to Leeds.

SHRUTI NAIR : Put loads of colors on yourself this holi and self-click
a pic, You will look great ! Trust me :P

DHANYA: She is getting married and a free advice, change the name of your blog from "my own little world" to "My-not-so-own-big-world".

CHITWAN : Man, where are you ? Long time no Gyaan ? Made a Ville in your Farm or still with Corbett monkeys ?

AMRITA/AMS : Billi, billi you are so Silly, Billi we miss you really, why don't you come online daily, what the big deal is ?

SHAUNAK : Have you seen his recent Facebook DP ? I shit you not, the DP looks like a Cross between Jadooo and Shaunak himself. Now this is exactly what happens, when you see a pirated version of 3D avatar on a 2D medium.

PRIANCA ARORA: If you ever have to piss her off, just call her Dilliwali. See here is an example, So how is YOUR Delhi doing girl ? Now watch out for her comment :P :D

STEPH : Okay, You are not the first one to go to Pune and work in an 'office', you are not Unique(s) :P

SUGAR CUBES : If a kid who has a French Father and a Greek mom will be called a Freak, then if you marry a guy from Iceland, your kids will be called 'ICE-CUBES'.

CHRIZ: If the Header of your blog has the same chaddi, which you keep talking about then, let me ask you something.Do you wear thong :O :-s
? !

AMRITA (I'll Try to be truthful): She likes Robert Pattinson and doesn't like Edward Cullen, It's like, I like 'Amrita' but not 'I'll try to be truthful' :-s

G3: What name should I choose for my Tea Stall?

Boss Tea Ka?

or Bugs Tea Shop?

AKANSHA : Busy busy main hoo busy ittefaak se..

engineering clg main hoke bhi busy ittefak se..

MBA abhi shuru bhi nahi ittefak se..

fir bhi main hu busy ittefak se..

shushh.. go study.. who will update ur blog next? Pappu?

P.S : If anyone is offended, please note aaj Holi hai.. Bura na mano holi hai.. take everything with a light heart and open mind :)

Happy Budday, Nidhi !!

2010-02-03T23:32:00.007+05:30

She's cute, she's sweet, she's an absolute darling. She always speaks straight from the heart. Her laugh is contagious. She blogs about her toothbrush to her shoe lace. She is talkative, lively and funny. She can't type for nuts and she thinks we all are nuts :P

It's been more than a year since we know each other. But we still discover new things about her daily.
We wrote 10 tweets on Nidhi. It's shown in the side bar and in our sft twitter page. Readers are welcome to contribute in the shout box :) Nidhi is welcome to applaud our effort too :P

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NIDHI !!

P.S- We love you :D

Only yours shitfully,
Shitters and Harshita :)

Tweet For Tat

2010-01-28T19:15:00.001+05:30

The world is twittering. Aren’t you? Terminologically Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that enables its users to send and read other users' updates known as tweets. Yeah, another site on which you have to make an account, new id, another password to remember, 1 aur jhamela!

The original idea was simple. Connect with your friends in 140 characters or less. SMS of the Internet. But it has triggered into a phenomenon. Almost every celeb or so called celeb is here. If they are not on Twitter, no one loves them. It has made one to one interaction so easier. You can praise or slam any one here directly. Just mention them like ‘@iamsrk you are srgay!’ and they will get to know.

But, what it means for common mango people like us. It makes people go crazy. In the same way as men go crazy when they see free liquor and women go mad when they see 50$ OFF sale, it is addictive. Some of the actual real tweets are like these:

The Celebs:

@juniorbachchan: To @iamsrk and @kjohar25. Thank you so much, can't thank you'll enough. You guys were awesome! Just made my day. Love you both.

@chetan_bhagat: just abt the only thing i have in common with apple - i don't advertise either. still ppl know.

@bdutt: we debate whether books can survive in the digital age. is the net making us smarter or stupider

@kjohar25: If only we could free ourselves from complexes,insecurities and unreasonable desires and ambitions...we would be a dedicated democracy....

@priyankachopra: Good morning world!! It's a rainy day today and freezing do.. Chalo what's new.. Hehe..!!! Xoxo

Sometimes they become saints, next time they start publicizing themselves.

The common folks like us:

@anon1: hello @realpreityzinta, I love you... all your parts!

@anon2: wow wow wow! @shahidkapoor replied to me.. maaa.. I am going mad!

@anon3: good morning tweethearts.. just had super hot coffee, feeling sleepy again.. burp!

These kind of tweets are still digestible and not that shitty but sometimes people cross their social limits and tweet like this:

@baxiabhishek: Dad is no more; we're fighting to get mom well. She's in hospital with multiple fractures; out of danger though.

What the holy shit? Seriously, how can someone tweet when such a big havoc has happened?

Then there are the normal funny tweeters:

@danielafariaf: I did not slap you, I just hi-5-ed on ur face

@oneliners: If at first you don’t succeed, sky diving is not for you..

So?

So nothing that was just a tutorial for our beloved readers about Twitter. And an announcement..

Yes, we are not going to stay away from this melodrama.

Start following us on Twitter http://twitter.com/shitfortat

We could have just tweeted in 140 words to follow us on twitter but we posted so many words. So just follow us otherwise.. Hu hahahahaha! It is actually a useful jhamela. Just remember 'Twit Twit Hota Hain'...

P.S.: We have just conducted a Plastic Surgery on the blog. How’s the new look..??

Hey Ya, I wanna just break up with you, my love!

2010-01-25T18:05:00.000+05:30

Girls, as promised, we are here to bring you some awesome break up lines to help you get rid of him :P

Begin your sentence with 'Actually'. Why you ask? Break up conversations also need some style and adaa while you say it!

1) Actually, I'm not straight :P
In most circumstances, your bf can surely read this as a lie. But oh well, sometimes it works.

2) Actually, You are too good for me.
The pitiable damsel in distress or poor little rich girl act mostly does the trick. Oh, I'm not your types. You are too nice and decent. You don't deserve me. Shy is coming.

3) Actually, I think we need a break.
The best and most effective way to start a conversation which ends your relationship.

4) Actually, I never thought of you in that way. You are like a brother to me.
This one is like a stab in the back for your bf. Try not to use this one. It really hurts. I mean boyfriend to brother. Errr.. Spare me the horror!

5) Actually, I like somebody else. A boy, btw.
Ouch. Our girl is bold and beautifully frank. She lashes out at our poor victim and dumps him in the bin. Even a Splitsvilla contestant couldn't have done a better job.

6) Actually, I'm bored.
She sure wants to have all the fun. This juggling boys girl can directly attack and judging by the type of guys, she would choose...I don't think they would even mind.

7) Actually, my parents don't approve of you/ We are from different castes.
And I bet you never thought about that when you started dating him? LAME !!

8) Actually, I'm becoming a nun.
If your bf is really miserable or if your bf is really stupid, then go for this one !

9) No actually on this one- Scream at the top of your voice- YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ABHISHEK (All guys have a best friend called 'Abhishek'. Period) You don't pay attention to me anymore. It's always football match with Abhi abhi ke abhi, or cricket with him. GO TO HELL !!

Guys hate their best buddies getting insulted. They'll show themselves out of your house rather than losing their dear Abhisheks.

10) Actually, we need to talk.
Need a girl say anything more to scare off a guy permanently? Guys HATE discussions and even if you didn't intend breaking up with him, he'll assume the same and BANG- you are single, watch out world !!

We welcome contributions ;)

How to tell if a guy is cheating

2010-01-17T19:15:00.001+05:30

Tiger Woods isn't the only man to stray away when he already has a fabulous woman by his side. Did it plant some seeds of doubt in your head about your man? Now, you needn't go all the way to Bindaas channel's Emotional Atyachaar(sucks, no!!) to run your man through a loyalty test. Here are the surprising yet useful tips to find out if your dude is being unfaithful to you.

He smells different. “When he comes home, if he doesn’t smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn’t the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he’s showered at her place,”

He’s superprotective of his gadgets. “The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills So if he’s being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he’s more evasive.

He sings “Tera Hone Laga Hoon”- Oh yeah - your guy never sang a good romantic song for you, you never heard him whistling and all of a sudden you hear him singing “Tera Hone Laga Hoon, Khone Laga Hoon”. You see him drunk in thoughts (heehee why can't I publicize my own blog, huh?), spending more time in terrace talking on phone for long time- especially late night calls, admiring nature (moon for example)

He is more Tip-Tap now – Generally when you start going around, you see your guy is more groomed, neat hair cut and all. But when the fish is in the net, he comes to his real self, Arjun Rampal hairstyle, Long beard like Baba Ram Dev. So when u see your BF is spending home time in front of mirror, means Daal main jarur kuch kala hai.. ya fir Puri daal hi kali hai :P

He steps 'down' the grooming--Literally-- “This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s spending more time naked.” So if he has another chick to impress with his sexual prowess, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys.

Crumpled and wrinkled-- Whenever he comes to meet you outside or at your home, his clothes are crumpled, hair is messy, and he looks distracted and fidgety. Then you can be sure that he can't be trusted.

If you are nodding at these points and muttering abuses for your man, make sure you confront him right there right now. Men cannot take confrontations and discussions and sooner or later, they'll confess it all or call you a loser who keeps suspecting him. If he turns the tables on you, you will know that this relationship was never going to work.

To make things easier for you, we shitters are going to bring to you, in our next post, some break-up lines. Ready and easy to use, just for you!

To Nidhi, With Love

2010-01-13T13:04:00.000+05:30

Hello Nidhi,

From all the Shitters (including Harshitter) and the readers of this blog, we wish you a very fast recovery and we want you to come back to our lives and the blogging world as soon as possible. We missed you a lot. Love you. :)

Your dhuuu(aaandhaaaar) lovers,
The Shit for Tat Team

To the reader log,

This is just to inform you that the most lovable shitter,Nidhi the Dreamweaver, undergone a surgery on last Tuesday Jan 12th 2009. She is fine now, the surgery was a success. And she will be rocking very soon. We would ask you to comment here wishing her luck and a faster recovery because we all know we all want to get soaked and get drunk in the thoughts again.

Thanks! :)

The S4T Team

Here are some small and big wishes from our side to the one and only,

Nidhi Mangal

Let's LOLcome 2 zero 1 zero !

2010-01-01T23:10:00.000+05:30

2009 Was funny and if you do not share the same opinion as we do, then lets read this post out and by the end of it we will have some congruency for sure. We make serious things funny yeh humara hunar hai, isse logon ki fatt ti hai :P

FILMF – (main fa ko fa bolta hun)

For almost one fourth of the year there were no Multiplex releases, only one major film released begging audience to come to the theater (Aa Dekhen zara) but People ignored the beggars. The later half belonged to ,

I) The Gaalis : KAMINEYs, inglorious BASTARDS, three IDIOTS, KAMBHAQT ishq. People were heard using the names in the most creative ways possible, e.g, “chal be idiot, dekhtey hain”, and once a little girl shouted seeing the Kaminey Posters “ Papa Kaminey, Papa Kaminey!”

II) Guns and Poses : Quick gun Murugun, Wanted (no we dun want it), Unknown - Men origins: wolverine, G.I. Joe’ley (Don’t kill me if it sounds like the Bengali version of Jiya jale), Transformers, Generators, Invertors etc. etc.

III) Futuristic /Unrealistic: Avatar – Ek adbhut Duniyaa, 2012 (let 2013 come & I will kill the director for scaring people), Terminator salvation, Amavasya – Ek adbhut duniya ( why girls are going gaga over a white-skinny-bloodless-anaemic- guy. VAMPIRES SUCK, Period)

IV) The Lullabies : Wake up Sid, London Dreams, Do Knot Disturb.

SPORTS

I) Easy Tiger: Man you JUST DID it! We all had an extramarital affair with him, Yes everyone in the world and by that we mean all the girls, guys, 50-50s, shemales, females, and all the possible living beings. He should compensate for everyone, now WOOD he or WOOD he not?

ii) Delhi’s Dangerous Belly: Delhi’s Pitch turned out to be a bitch, but Our clever Delhi Association with the help of BCCI did exceptionally well to escape from the gruesome punishment, who said .money can’t buy everything ?

POLITICS

i) Ohh bum ahh : Never seen a Ass like that , Da doing doing doing :P

ii) Flop’enHagan : There were so much heated up discussions that temperature actually raised rather than getting down and hence now onwards Denmark will be the landmark for the controversies.

iii) Kasab Se : “Kasab se mainey kuch nahi kiya, kasab se main toh movie dekhney aaya tha Mumbai, Police ne pakkad liya, 33 crores laga rakhe hain mujh pe, itna mere desh ko de dein toh yeh panga he band ho jayega hamesha k liye .“ Yeah Right !! Even SRK looked like him when he came to Mumbai in late 80s. Matlab kuch bhi hai yeh toh.

iv) Tel lene gaya gana : We also want a different State for 4 of us. Else we are going for hunger strike. Yes Government let ‘Shit for Tat’ be a separate state. We will call it www.S4T.com/ parent blogspot thing shouldn't be attached to it.

REALLY? SHOWS ?

i) Rakhi Ka Elesh’war : Do I need to speak about this show?It had all the reasons in this world for not watching it and number 1-20 were Rakhi and Ravi Kishan !

ii) Biggie and Bossy : Was it fixed? Was it? Was it? It was! Was it? It was! It was! ..I mean How do you decide who is more stylish between a model and a Pahelwan ? Do you even need to think ? But the Annoying Pahelwan beats everyone, actors, music directors, comedians, vidheshi kudi , drama queen ki mummy. Sahi mein Singh was King !

iii) Iss seduction se mujhey bachao – Kaikuuu ? when you have hot hot gals....okay only gals exposing ?

iv) 10 kadam Aagey than last year : It was supposed to be for mango people but considering TRP games, they made it for Celebs, but really agar mere saaaaaaaath naaaaai zhelllllaaaaaaa toh kyaaaa zhellllaaaaaaa ?

The INTERTAINERS

i) Face Books it all : Farmville, I mean Agriculture should have been a compulsory subject for today’s generation. Planting, growing and harvesting virtual crops, trees, this is what maximum of us have done this year. Ohh!! Btw did you know that KRK (from Big Boss) claims that his Farmville k bhains ka chara comes from Scotland ?And Let’s not talk aboutMafiass. I blocked the feed long back.

ii) Twitter : Buddy one smart comment for this post and I will block you, okay ? #S4Tblocks.

iii) Google Wave : Himesh claims that his Radio wave is stronger than google wave –MTV ticker.

iv) Orkut: That’s an endangered species specially found in the Suburbs of India and Brazil.

v) Google: It stopped working for a few minutes and the world almost collapsed, I think this will what exactly happen in 2012.

P.S.: Happy New Year folks... Any suggestions from your side will add to the fun.. Thanks for reading and commenting on this blog.. We APPRECIATE (sh)it!

X'mas(t) Gifts !!

2009-12-26T04:11:00.000+05:30

It's Christmas time, but don't expect any gifts out here. We are shitters not Santas. And if you want any gifts, you may please head across to Chitwan's or Harshita's blog, I'm sure they are related to Santa (Singh) in some claus(e) or the other. Punju and all.

Ok !! Now that I've thrown out Peter and Abhinav, the mean boys of SFT who have pulled your leg all year, you can heave a sigh of relief. It's Christmas, and I'm gonna make sure, that the end of the year doesn't mean the end of us i.e. you people breaking ties with us.

I'm gonna play Ms.Santa Claus, with an invisible paunch, dressed in pink (Sorry, red isn't my colour, really!) with a whole bag of goodies for all you bloggers who have put up with us for one whole year (and coming here to be made fun of! Guts you have,eh?)

1) Harshita- I would love to gift you with:
-a box of chill pills for the enormous tension you take throughout the year.
-an orkut profile: I know Facebook and Twitter are in, but really...you need to get desi and orkut sometime!

2) Amrita Roy- A huge teddy bear and kisses and hugs from all of us..She just loves any display of affection, doesn't she?

3) Amrita~Ams-First of all, welcome to Hyderabad (That was Peter welcoming you) I Would love to gift you with a dog. Leave that billi for some time please, now how about some jokes on lazy doggie?

4) Akansha-Now, she hardly blogs because her TIME is invested in CAT. Now, CAT bhai log, please throw her in those prestigious IIMs so that she can do a Chetan Bhagat (Hey, play safe Akansha :D)

5) Shruti-How about giving you some lessons in Photoshop? You needn't upload new pics everyday then! You can only edit your old pics and change the background and ishtyle every week :P

6) Dhanya- I gifted her smileys, gossip, my junior in college, gossip, scrabble wins, gossip, and you still want a gift for X'mas? Selfish girl!

7) Shaunak-Lets just not give him anything. He has the right 'build' to play Santa :P Let me just give him an autograph by Chetan Bhagat. I'm sure that is one thing he would die for!

8) Chitwan- I don't need more competition in the form of another lawyer, so how about gifting you with a dance academy of your own. Let the judges dance to my tunes, dude.

9) Nidzzi-Madam is off to learn Spanish, but with those typos, anyone would think she's talking Spanish when she types English :D. Let's gift you with a spell check software especially designed for you..and helps us in understanding you :P

10) Peter-Bad boy number 1. After post-bashing almost every blogger in blogsville, you think you deserve a gift? Come to think about it, despite post-bashing every blogger, he still remains one of our most eligible bachelors. Blogsville surely is weird. Now all those line maars isn't a gift, then what is?

11) Abhinav-Bad boy number 2. Endless his posts are about how he tried to understand the fairer sex (Refer his old posts, now our boy has grown up and given up) I gift you with tuitions classes (taken by yours truly) for teaching you the art of understanding girls. It's not that difficult. You just have to nod and say 'yeah' to whatever we say!

Merry X'mas bloggers and may you keep dragging your mouses here :)

Is this BRB for TRP ?

2009-12-14T23:21:00.000+05:30

13th Dec 2009, 10.00 P.M

"I started this blog 1 year ago and made wonderful friends, shared emotions, laughed out loud, cried at times, increased my G.K., Decreased my Sense of humor, enhanced my writing skills and the most important of all, wasted my Precious time. But now I have realized, world is more than just 'www.blogspot.com'. I want to move on, give my career a new meaning (I don't know if that itself has any meaning), see the world, fly in the open sky like a bird, introspect, then correct myself. Hence this would be my last post ever.

P.S: will miss all of you

By XYZ.

Comments :

1. A : Whatttttttttttt :O you will not blog again.OMG i have tears in my eyes. Will miss you for sure, I remember the awesome fun we had :(( Please think again and blog once in a while.

**A thinks** ... Shit Man !! She was the only one who used to comment regularly on my blog, now what? I will have to get a new Bakri !

**XYZ thinks**... was it a shocker ? dude I get more comments in one post than what you have in all your posts combined and you are blogging since 2 years. Loser !!

2. B : Awwwww ..best of luck dear with your life, will surely miss you here, but hell with that, we are together on FB,Orkut,Twitter,Hi5,Friendster, Gmail. So It's okay !! *hugs*, *kisses*

**B thinks** ...waise bhi you were not blogging much these days aur main kaun sa tera poor post padhta hun kabhi, direct title and P.S aur uppar k ek do comment padh k comment marta hun. Mainu ki farak painda hai :P ?

**XYZ Thinks**... Saale, I know you will miss me, the undisputed Pervert of all time you are !!.

I don't even remember a single Status message, album pic, quiz results where you haven't commented. I made Hi5 in 2005 and uploaded the pics..and you comment in 2009. ssup with you? Gee ! may you get HIV :P

3. C : I have nothing to say, other than best of luck with your life, may you get all the happiness you deserve

**C thinks**.. I have commented so many times on her blog but she never commented on mine,sent a Friend request on all the friendship sites possible and she rejected all of them. She looks hot,she should have stayed man !! at least I get to see her Blogspot DP once in a while.

**XYZ thinks** Who is this bugger ?

100 (senti) comments.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

14th Dec 2009, 10.00 P.M

" I realized what my strength is, I saw who my real time friends are, I saw it all. If I leave today, I will enjoy today, enjoy tomorrow, enjoy for a month may be, then I will suffer, the Pain will insinuate in the worst possible manner and the ville will cry out for me. So why let it cry after a month. I will stick around here, may be I will take a small break, a break that would be larger than the time elapsed between Atal Bihari Vajpayee's two consecutive verbal words and smaller than how it feels like Watching Ram Gopal Verma ki AAG. Okay let's make it simple, I will take a Kit-Kat wala break.

I love you all.

Comments:

1. A : YAY ! you are back. Welcome back.

**A thinks**... I Knew it already.

**XYZ thinks**... Dude every time you guys fall for it. Dumbos !

2. B : Man I can't believe,So happy I am. Welcome back :)

**A thinks**... I knew it already, this is like 12th time in just one year.

**XYZ thinks**... This is guy worships me, *grins*.

3. C : Hey you are back again ? Wow ! welcome anyways :)

**C thinks**... I knew it already, she is addicted, I mean who would leave a blog with so many followers. I will probably take two janams to get that many number of followers.

**XYZ thinks**... what does he mean by "again" ? next time, I'ma start a new Drama :P

100 (happy) comments..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, you might have grasped till now what this post about, if not, try Dabur Shankhpushpi or Satmola for better kidneys. Well, we care for our readers so here's the conclusive summary. It's about the people who go bang bang bang on their blogs, suddenly post a goodbye blog post and go missing (absent for few days). Unfortunately, they come back again. What **it is this? Some TRP (readership) grabbing stunt? Some pregnancy break? or a case of an MBA going to commit suicide but coming to complete the assignment? OK last line didn't matter. If we wanted we could have given some very bright examples but... we won't..! You needn't do the same. If you think you have your 15 minutes of fame then Just Leave it's gonna be okay! Le..le..le.. Just Leave!

Thanks!

1 Year Younger

2009-12-10T13:30:00.000+05:30

When the Shit finally began.

Ever wondered why Shit for Tat was formed? Ever bothered to ask us why did we took this drastic measure of forming this toilet in blogsville and welcomed one and all in (sh) it? Ever abused us after falling flat and hurting your bum from rolling on the floor with laughter after reading our posts? Ever thought of how much it takes to get one post rolling on the toilet seat? Do you know how many posts are flushed out each and every day because it is not shitty enough?

Ever knew that we shitters have grown from 4 to 5 and then to 4 again then 5 again and lastly 4 again?

Ever knew that Abhinav gets the deepest dimples among 4 of us?

Ever knew that Peter is the brain behind the name behind the blog?

Ever knew that Shruti is was our 5th member?

Ever knew that Shruti has an obsession with changing her FB/Gtalk-surprisingly not orkut- display picture twice a day?

Ever knew that Nidhi’s typos inspired us to make more typos that in turn helped us to write some of the actual posts?

Ever knew that Mads is straight, despite the fact that she hits on Nidhi, Harshita, Dhanya, Akansha all the time?

Ever knew that Harshita is the secret shitter who nags us to keep posting? Akansha has helped writing one post too!

And…did you know…That it’s Shit for Tat’s first birthday today? }:-) But since its a toilet after all, so we have added jamalghota (who cares what do you call this in English) so you will have to visit the blog this week regularly because it's going to be raining posts!

Yippy party time!!!

As we invite you to the birthday party, we shitters welcome any questions you ever had in your mind to ask to any of the mothers and fathers of the baby. Just don’t ask Nidhi for a date, sorry she’s already taken.

By: Mads (who was reportedly seen in Mumbai with her In-Laws (INternships-Law))

Rated R : The Survey

2009-11-25T21:13:00.000+05:30

So, if your neck and eyes are working perfectly fine (after the last post), we Shiters are back again with a treat for your eyes. We are approaching a milestone (which will be discussed after a few days) so we decided to present a small treat to our thousands of beloved fans. No, we are not giving small awards stolen from here and there, in fact we conducted a small secret survey. This survey was done by a team of experts and it was done to rate the blogs based on the content. Now as this survey involves some objectionable content, so we are not discussing the basis too much.

Our team of experts have rated the blogs of our reader's and reader's reader's and reader's reader's reader's (and so on) on a scale of 5. The rating which usually in form of stars is not used here.

So the blogs with their ratings are given below. The readers may suggest more blogs and their suggestions will be rated in the next version of this rating series (provided we get apt sponsors for they next post based on this post):

http://harshitawriteslikethis.blogspot.com

For writing for the better half of a man (all kinds)!

http://amrita1987.blogspot.com

For a non-understandable About Me
http://powerdrunk7.blogspot.com

For never using full names

http://thesolitarywriter.blogspot.com

For using the tools to err..

http://www.chronicwriter.com/

For Super Humor (:-o) abilities

http://escortinglifetodeath.blogspot.com

Aise hi Kuchh kuchh rating..

http://y2aslog.blogspot.com

For being not so sarcastic and quitting a job in times of recession

http://peter-blogvibes.blogspot.com

For making readers beg for dictionary with those rap(e)-posts

http://madhuriaries.blogspot.com

For sharing those Dad Jokes, BP Jokes and the ever popular MJs

http://drunkthought.blogspot.com

For using own's blog for romantic purposes

http://yehhaitadka.blogspot.com

For being politically correct

http://saying-private-yarn.blogspot.com

For making sure that PJs will rule the Earth forever

http://loon-ardor.blogspot.com

For sharing too many varieties of cats for no reason whatsoever

http://chitwanprabhakar.blogspot.com

For writing dil se and not being a sardar from Punjab (and the pictures below, thats what we could grasp from a Junglee Billi's blog for your Billi prem)

http://candidreflection.blogspot.com

For being absent from a long long time...

P.S : Thanks to Akansha and Harshita (alpha-beta-cally) for their contributions and if anyone's blog is hurt after reading this post then do let us know, we will think what (not) can be done. We will take matters into our own hands and will sincerely make some effort. But Please don't expect apologies, that's the only thing we are extremely bad at! Always remember, shit for tat!

Downside UP !

2009-11-18T14:03:00.000+05:30

?thing damn whole the read you, nuts people you aren’t !! Man. Window this close please. Option an is there all at if, blog this abuse report. Time precious your Waste Don’t ,you telling am I Seriously. Work your do go. Blog yeh tumlog ho kyun he padhtey nahi pata, hai gaya ho dahi ka dimag mere k likh ulta.

? Kya aur, denge bol sorry toh laga bura agar, anyway it do will we, guessing am I, mode cynical the to back going again but, it take will readers how as, skeptical little a are we but style our in names blog familiar/famous the of some rape to want We names about talking now. Name the justifies it least at happy am I but, shit is blog this. Left humour in sense no is there and, airtels, vodafones, !deas any have don’t we useless so so we are how see.

!!struck fuck man. struck moon, struck night , struck light, struck exam, struck love, are nowadays SFTians . “:D” or “=))” this as happy as is no one but, interning, studying, dreaming, relaxing, are here People. Themselves of sick are they or do they jobs of the sick either are here bloggers the because. Think we what change would think you what that think don’t we that just it’s. think don’t we that think don’t , Now. Dead is fun the all but, here excitement create to enough thought we.

All for & once for ,Stupidism this finish to want we ,Satisfied not are we, enough is nothing but. Extent some to successful been have and Bloggers repel to try we. Visit your explain then? no? nuts guys you are. Members its & blog this with up is what see and time precious your waste to here come people you then and now every why, why, why ?

P.S :You know what to do. Neeche se uppar tak padho isse !

Diwali Wishes..

2009-10-17T17:23:00.000+05:30

On behalf of Shit-For-tat, we wish u a very happy Diwali.
May the festival of lights be the harbinger of joy and prosperity. As the holy occasion of Diwali is here and the atmosphere is filled with the spirit of mirth and love, here's hoping this festival of beauty brings your way, bright sparkles of contentment, that stay with you through the days ahead.
Best wishes on Diwali.

This is NOT a Post

2009-10-11T23:01:00.000+05:30

I knew it !
I knew it !
I knew that you will come, and try to see what I did (NOT) mean when I said it’s NOT a post. Now since you have come here, and have already realized that it’s a post which has nothing at all in it, in fact it’s a NO-POST (yes computer engineers can laugh) you can skip reading this and comment or else continue reading it and see what else is (NOT) here.

Speaking of what else is (NOT) here, well we don’t have any comments on Obama’s Nobel Prize for ‘PISS’, we don’t have any plans to ‘wake up any kid’ we are not talking about how reality shows suck, We won’t even discuss how bad the Champions league is. We won’t discuss a lot of other things like, how the Big Bang theory was bang on, how Hydrogen and Oxygen mixed on the surface of moon. We will also not discuss about how this Friday Main and Mrs. Khanna will try to avoid watching a BLUE film. So all in all we will make sure that we do NOT talk about all the things which are NOT important for us.

Let’s also NOT talk about bloggers and blogville, Let’s NOT talk about how this NO –POST sucks, and how SFTians do (NOT) have any ideas for any post. Let’s also not talk about why and how Shruti Nair has (NOT) contributed so far for this blog that obviously means, NOT talking about why she is here in the first place & what she did (NOT) find great about the bloggers of SFT. Let’s not talk about Chriz’s (NOT) so funny jokes and Abhinav’s, (UN)intentional sarcastic comments, let’s also (NOT) focus on Stephan’s (NON) Promotional events & let’s also (NOT) discuss about Mads’s (NON) escalatrophobia, Nidhi’s (un)known Blog’s URL, Dhanya’s new smiley tuition sessions with Mads. We also should ignore the fact that I am (NOT) having writer’s block hence I am (NOT) writing non-sense posts, and My (non)prediction that Harshita won't hate U.K. Let’s also forget about how bloggers are (NOT) better chat entertainers than old school/college friends. How we should (NOT) hate Facebook’s stupid predictions and orkut’s boring applications. Let’s (NOT) concentrate on Bhawana’s chanting Mantras.

Please do (NOT) read this blog from next time onwards too, please do (NOT) think that rest all the bloggers in this Blog are equally insane. Please (DON’T) leave without leaving a comment after reading the posts here in English, like a true Indian. Please Do (NOT) learn something from our Noodle buddies.

I know you have (NOT) enjoyed this post and it's (NOT) like what you thought it would be, I know it’s (NOT) a great post to waste someone’s (NOT) so precious time like this. If you have any complains or feedbacks regarding this post, Please do (NOT) hesitate to give us, We anyway do (NOT) care for you and your feedbacks are always (NOT) appreciated.

I am (NOT) glad that you have read it and I am (NOT) thinking that you will write a comment, a (NOT) nice one at least. I am (NOT) waiting for your comments.

This is NOT a P.S – Please do (NOT) write a comment like this ; “ This is not a comment”. Because you have No right to steal my (NOT) so original concept.

Not a good-bye and I don’t love anyone !

NOT by PETER !

*************This is NOT THE END*************

Why Japanese Love Shit 4 Tat?

2009-09-24T23:09:00.000+05:30

Facts are facts. How many followers here have got comments from the land of the rising sun, the land of electronic gadgets, the land of earthquakes, the land of identical people? None of you.

http://shitfortat.blogspot.com/2009/07/hey-whats-your-name-basanti.html is a post of ours which has become super popular in aamchi Tokyo, sadda Japan, aapno Nippon...!

But since we are a bunch of super busy people, we cannot reply to those comments. Instead we ask you people to do us a favor:

Select a comment of your choice.
Go to http://www.translate.google.com/?hl=en
Select Japanese to English Translation (You may choose Japanese to Hindi if you think you missed out Hindi diwas on 14th September.)
Copy paste the comment and reply back with its actual meaning.

We are doing the first comment for an example:

It says "女性会員様増加につき、当サイトの出張ホストが不足中です。女性の自宅やホテルに出向き、欲望を満たすお手伝いをしてくれる男性アルバイトをただいま募集していますので、興味のある方はTOPページから無料登録をお願いいたします"

And it means something of the order of this "Increase in female membership per person is taking a business trip out of the host site. Women visited the home or hotel, so we are seeking part-time job can get you the help you meet the man who desires, who are interested to register for free thank you from the page TOP".

Thanks...

Post over!

Sayonara Dewa Mata!

Jai Hind

Jaago Re

2009-09-06T17:18:00.000+05:30

If you thought S4T was suspended because of any flu, if you thought that all its members had gone to teerth yaatras separately, if you thought that the members have become too much serious in life about studies and career, you are wrong. Yes, we’re back. Sorry for not posting things regularly but you know, kaam ka pressure, biwi bachho ki tension. Huh!

Well, this post is about 2 things. One being an inclusion of a new member in S4T, whose name will be revealed when this post ends and the other being the post itself.

Shh.. the post now, enough of bakwas!

This post is about the things one do when he/she/you hasn’t slept enough. Here goes the list:

When alarm rings, you keep on pressing buttons of all the other things than the alarm itself
You use shaving cream instead of toothpaste.
You wear your undergarments inside out.
You mess up with the buttons in your shirt.
You try to insert left shoe into right leg and vice versa
Ready for college/office? Hey, check the zip of your pant mister/miss. You have left the post office box open!
You clean up somebody else’s vehicle instead of yours. (Ok, don’t say you’ve seen the Sleepwell ad, of course the post is inspired from that)
You type your password in the user id text field.
You dial for someone and end up calling someone else.
You keep on mumbling non-understandable things.
You enter the wrong toilet. (Or was it intentional?)
Every flat, rectangular thing resembles a bed to you.
You try to keep your eyes open in a meeting/lecture but the weight of the eye lids becomes so heavy that you try to think of absurd things to keep yourself awake. E.g.: You try to count the number of stripes in the boss’s / teacher’s shirt, you try to recount the number of ‘corn’ sites you should’ve never visited, you try to count what comes after +32767, -32768 or 0?

That’s it folks, now what are your experiences? Please share with us through the comments:

Introducing a new member of Shit For tat: Shruti Nair (http://candidreflection.blogspot.com). She paid a hefty amount of $ 5000 to each of the existing members. If you want to be a part of this blog, send your cheques and DD to the author. Hehe, just kidding, Shruti will be posting a dhinchak new post soon.

So welcome to the toil-et, Shruti ! Happy shiting!

Stay tuned and keep the comments about sleepy heads on…

----

Updated later:

we would like to thank our friends 倶楽部, プロフ公開, 素人, デリバリーホスト, 出張ホスト and 家出 for their precious comments on our last few posts... We love you guys!

How "wierd" can you get??

2009-07-31T23:36:00.000+05:30

I can’t believe that I am doing this tag. But, it seems an interesting one. 7 weird things about yourself. mmmm there are so many that I find weird about myself and wonder if other people feel the same. Or is it only me who feels differently about something.

First- My ears become hyper active in morning. When people speak normally also, they sound to me like they are screaming. I have bad times when I am home, cause my mom and my sis wakes me up most of the day.

Secondly, I can’t tolerate the background music of old Hindi movies. It irritates me. esp. I hate when the same scene is shown from 4 - 5 different angels. Bloody hell, they waste their time and mine too!!! Even in saas-bahu and other hindi serials, they show the reaction of each and every member of the serial, followed by special effect of broken glass scene. Hello bhai, power point presentation nahi chal raha!!

Point number three- Yes sir! - (I hate taking notes) Any ways.. I need different temperature of water for head and rest of the body. For head, I can't take a lot of hot water.Fourthly – I feel uncomfortable about the idea of getting my hair shampooed in parlour for the fear that the water will go inside my ear. No matter how professional they are, it does go inside ear. Adding cotton to ear too doesn’t help.

Panchwa Bindu (point) worth paanch lakh – I apply nail paint to grow my nail or else i bite them off. Bad habit I know :P

Sixthly :D I sleep with blanket no matter how hot it is.

and lastly I can wake up in the morning when I hear bird chripping. I love that sound

What about you??

P.S- Have you noticed, whenever people have to type the word 'weird', in most cases, they type it as 'wierd'. Isn't that weird? :P

Hey, what's your name Basanti?

2009-07-12T15:30:00.000+05:30

So, sisters and their brothers, after celebrating birthdays of 2 of our Shiters, we are back!

With Harry Potter hanging around to show some jaadoo—mantar and some adolescence romance, some of us were discussing about the ill effects of watching the Hollywood movies in Hindi. No problem with Hindi dubbing but more than often they result in non-digestable translation with makes us Shite here. So we do Shit-For-Tat. Take HP for example, its Hindi dubbed version totally does a big ant-shant majaak with the names . For example, Gryffindor becomes Garudwar, Moaning Myrtle becomes Mayoos Meena for no reason whatsoever and so on.

Take a look at these names:

Harry Potter and the

Sorcerers's stone - Parasmani (Koi Nargaj ki movie hai kya?)
Chamber of secrets - Rahasmayi tehkhana (Directed by the Ramsay Bros not the Warner Bros.)
Goblet of fire- Aag ka pyala (Sahi jawaaab!)

Hindi dubbing is good for the larger part of our country but why play with the names. When Mask’s cartoon version used to be aired on Cartoon Network, Stanley Ipkiss turned to Sachin Submis and his dog Milo turned to Billu. WTF?

So we decided to find out some names which can cause some digestive upheavel in your tummies as well. Presenting some of the movies' names which were brutally dubbed for the aam junta even when aam junta was happy with normal names.

The Matrix: Mayajaal (Now when your teacher asks you to find the transpose of a mayajaal, he/she means transposing the matrix!)
Pirates of Caribbean- Samunder ke lootere (gud man, you can translate!)
Gladiator- Vijeta (Achha? Glad means happy na. If Vijay bole toh Amitabh Bachhan worked in Vijeta then he will say, "Glad toh bahut honge tum aaj haain!")
Ghost rider – Mahakaal (Why not Bhoot-Chaalak?)
Dunston checks in – Ek Bandar hotel ke andar (No comments!)
Night at museum – Museum ke undar fans gayaa sikander (There was no Sikander in the movie, tha kya?)
Lack placid- Magarmachch (hehe, the whole suspense got thrashed...)
War of the worlds- Grahon ka Mahayuddh (Sahi hai.. beedu!!)
Mr. & Mrs. Smith- Mr. & Mrs. Sharma (A seriously WTF OMG WTF event!)
Star wars- Attack of the clones- Humshaklon ka hamla (yeh bhi sahi jawaab.. 2 hazaar jeette hain aap!)
I am legend- Jindaa hoon mein (hehe another spoiler name!)
Verticle Limit- Mrityushikhar (sahi again!)

And the examples go on and on and on.. Researching on this topic led us to a site which told us this, "the Hindi version of Speed-I had Keanu Reaves saying “Hey Bhagwaan” in the lift whereas the actual movie has him saying “Oh F[asterisk]CK”."

Thanks god, they did not converted T_rex in hindi, "Bhaago bhaago, chipkali ka nana humaaree or aaraha hai! daanasur daansasur.. Daanaasur!"

What is the name of latest HP movie? Aadha khooni raajkumar?

Bhatt Abhi/Y2A, It's your Happy-DAY :)

2009-07-01T00:55:00.000+05:30

24 years ago from today, A King was born, The Sarcasm King. However the title awarded to him, came years after he made his presence felt, through a blog named 'A-Shit-For-Tat' (don't click on the name in case you are not an idiot).He is not only sarcastic, he is slapstick too, and of course he is raunchy, goofy and quick witted but, CAUTION : he is an Engineer. On this holy occasion, let's give his own dose, i.e Laughter. Here are some of his own-made-punch-liners/fundas/laws. Which you might have just missed some how.

King's FUNDAS

1. [Asterix] that: It's like hiding your main (body) part by using undies. He never uses the four letter word. He uses Pluck/chuck/muck/duck instead of that. Never even abuses in hindi. He would rather write the slang and also mention which category that belongs to, from 'the parts of Speech', as in if the slang is a verb or adjective or Noun. For example 'F[Verb; Asterix]k that', 'B[Adjective; Asterix]d' or Abe 'C[Adjective, Asterix]y'. Our King is more docile than 'Anil Kapoor' from the movie 'Ishwar'. He says 'Teri maa ki' as 'Teri Monkey'

2. Oblique People: That means Gay/Lesbian People. According to him "anything that is not straight is Oblique."

3. Never Judge a book by its movie: It means as simple as it sounds.

4. How to attract a woman towards you: The [Link] is here.

5. 'Obama ki Ma'ccain: Read the first Funda to solve this crux.

King's *HIT LIST

1. Ramalingam Raju: He is not alone for that matter, there are thousands of other people like him, But still he made this[Link] and this [link]

2. Lahman Brothers: Beacuse of Recession Fucktors obviously.

King's FUNNY-ONE-LINERS

1. I Like Kids, I like them so much that I can eat them.

2. Long working hours, erratic schedules and frequent transfers don't always make IT a dream destination for fresh women graduates. But it pays to have the fairer sex on board.

3. Raju Raju? Yes papa! Eating money? No papa! Telling lies? No papa? Open your balance sheets? Ha ha ha.

4. Before I start to write some lines,I check the calendar, aaila! It’s Valentine!

5. Banglore Royal Challengers - jeetenge Hum shaan se - Ab shaan jaise singers agar cricket khelne lage toh koi bachha hi jeet jaaye.

6. Oye hoye hoye
oye hoye hoye
oye hoye hoye
Public gaali deve,SRK samjha leve,Don’t become bloody fool.
Lalitiya hai vyapaari,Chale hai pardes // dhoww dhoww,Franchisee khush toh hove,Fir kaahe bloody fool.

7. I can say that I first watched Vidya Balan in Hum Paanch. She looked older those days as well.

8. I am not going, don't Bush me.

9. I will take light Years to reply, (don't tell me that light years is not a unit of time)

10. Last to last month he wrote, "MAY, aa gaya, MAY aa gaya Ma."

11.My janam kundali suggested that my name should start with ‘Y’ for example: ‘Yudhishthir’, 'Y2A' can also be expanded a“Yours Troooly Abhinav”
.
.
.
.

The memory space of blogspot would be full, Bhatt his one - liners won't cease to make you laugh (I don't know if I make sense).
Happy birthday Abhinav a.k.a Y2A may you live you forever and remain Joxy (that has nothing to do with Jockey, btw).

Lets start the day with you Y2A, just Pop-up a bottle of champagne and be gay,
May you remain forever joxy, may you get a girl bery bery sexy.
You are the King Bhatt,Bhatt I see you are still a wanted,
The funny Jackpot you are, Your blog is phun granted.
Many many Happy returns of the day, just kick all the sorrows away :)

P.S : Though He is just more than being a funny guy, but can you beat his sense of humor by wishing him in a funny style ?

THE TRING TONES !

2009-06-18T15:55:00.000+05:30

It makes you a geek, shows your personality, sets your mood(s), portrays you as a punk, sometimes freaks you, sometimes irritates you, sometimes brings a smile and all the time causes an alert. Overall a massive role player in your life despite of being just a repetitive assembly of musical codes. Yes I am talking about ringtones, singtones and caller tunes.Letz dissect some common types.

THE DADAJI-TONES: Simplest of all, soft, beeps regularly after ever two seconds in such a way that you start believing that it's not ringing anymore, whenever it takes a break of two seconds, but it surprises you every time. There are devotional tones too, like 'Gayatri mantra', 'Sai Ram' or 'arey re meri jaan hai radha' or similar types, you can keep them as your alarm tones, if you want to get up early morning, all charged up. I am sure Bhawana has plenty of them :P

THE GIRLIE-TONES: Yea, baby ! I am talking about baby tones. Girls find it 'Awwwww-some’, 'cutiee', 'kuchoo','puchooo','nonu','sonu' and what not. Baby laughs, or a baby singing this particular rhyme is 'oh-so-famous' ; "you aal my honey bunz, shuuugar plum, pumpie, umpie, umpkin, you aal my shweetie pie". When these celphones ring in a public place, some guys (like me) raise their left eyebrows to the maximum level possible and give 'wtf is wrong with you, jeez! Grow up' kind of look.

THE WHACKO-TONES: It might give you a shiver down the spine if you are a heart patient, or you wet your pants in a roller coaster ride. 'a Devil laugh' (the scary one),a 'whooshh-whoosssh, ghost's voice',' a cracking glass sound', or a 'motorbike accelerating' can freak you out sometimes, if you happen to be in your deepest slumber, and someone calls you up just for that vengeance sake, that you freaked him out during the day time. So never ever keep these stupid ring tones.

THE CATTLE INSTINCT-TONES: A dog barking, a lion roaring, a kitty meowwwing or the birds chirping are some of those tones which you might ignore unintentionally coz you do not realize soon enough that your celphone is actually ringing and your boss is calling you up to spank your butt. So when you see 10 missed calls from your boss you either give all maa bahen gaalis to your mobile or to that bechara dog who even warned you.

THE MONOLOUGE-TONES: "Arey ohh Sambha kitney aadmi the?" kind of ring tones are there too, in case you are bored and you have a memory card of 1GB full with these ring tones you can do time pass with them. Some of the famous raped versions that I have heard and hate are:

1."Daan ka intezar toh 11 mulkon ki Police kar rahi hai, par daan toh sala shana hai, pakad mein he nahi ata, huuuhahahahahaha."

2." Ab tera kya hoga Kaliya? sardar mainey apka namak khaya hai, sale namak-haram, cheap category, tu daaku nahi chor hai."

3."Dekho yeh wahi tum tum ho yeh wahi main main hun, hum dono ek jagah se uthe the, par mere pas aaj bangla hai, gaadi hai, properties hai, bank balance hai,tumhare Pas kya hai?.......Can you repeat the question?"

THE CHEAP-TONES: Laloo Yadav's Preaching or Atal Bihari Vajpayee's silent words cannot be kept as ring tones, IMFAO. Of course someone mimics it and makes it funny but it carries a bad impression if you keep it as your ring tone. However there are certain worst kinds like a cheap comedian from some laughter comedy circus, crack up some shit worse than digesting a mangled animal’s carcass. ahhooo it rhymes !! Yes I am talking about 'Pehchaan Kaun' ringtone, which goes like this:

"Pehchaan kaun? (dhol beats) Shama bhi nahi, (dhol beats), Jannie bhi nahi (dhol beats), Julie bol rahi hun (dhol beats) hatttt (dhol beats), Kutta."

Other than these ring tones, farting sounds (of various kinds), kissing sounds (not Tarkan Simarik one) or 'aahhnn uhnnn and other similar sex sounds' are present.

THE CALLER-TUNES: Vodafone calls up and makes me hear Mr. Sharma ka caller tune which goes like "Main ban ka panchi" and MR. Verma ka caller tune which goes like "Desi gal" and asks me to be either of the '--rmas'. I had one 'april fool' caller tune in which a girl picks up the call and says hello hello, till the time you start believing that either you are lucky or she is dumb or both. Currently I have 'Euro cup Special' caller tune. However I so want to have 'Nayan Tarse'.

MY KIND OF-TONES: Mostly singtones, pop, rap, rock, R&B, soft, hindi, english. Every decent but interesting types are my sms tones and ringtones(yes I keep changing it). Doesn't matter if it's loud or fast, I should like it. Yes from airtel's whistle-sound to titanic's soothing instrumental sound, I like it all. My SMS tone right now is 'Tokyo Drift' and ring tone is 'Bacardi Blast'

P.S I haven't included Regional-tones intentionally, don't think i forgot that category:P

P.P.S : while commenting also write down which kind of Caller tune, SMS tones & Ring tones you have or you like.

IT's the Peter-Day!!!! \:D/

2009-06-04T00:07:00.000+05:30

An exclusive performance for someone very very special (VVS Laxman nahi, bewakufo!!) by the shiters...Mads on the mike (gale mei khich khich..lagao feviquick tha kya??), Nidzzi on the drums, and Y2A, our lead guitarist \:D/

Tum ho to, shit for tat bhi hai...
Tum nahi...to shit bhi nahi...
Tum ho to..hai fun hasil...
Tum nahi, toh kya fun yahan...
Tum ho toh hai, face mei hamesha...
Ek smiley saaaaaaa....

Jo tum ho toh, yeh lagta hai,
Ki mil gayi, naye post ke topics,
Jo tum na ho, yeh lagta hai,
Ki online hi kyu aa gaye?
Peter ke bina,
Blog vibes hi kahannnnnnnnnnn?

Oh ho oh ho oh ho ho ho ohh……
Oh ho oh ho oh ho ho ho ohh……
Oh ho oh ho oh ho ho ho ohh……

Tum ho toh, chandler hi hai (chandler hi hai)
Tum nahin, (tum nahin) toh haste kaha??
Tum ho toh, (tum ho toh) live eninem rap hai
Tum nahin, toh soap discussions yahan....
Tum ho toh hai, har ek second meharban
Yeh jahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan....

The song's dedicated to the shitter, the raper, the singer, the engineer, the ladkiyon ka aadmi, the funny one, the smart ass, the dil se blogger, and mainly, the birthday boy !!!! Peter, this one's for you !!

Happy Birthday to you...Hope you have the best one today :-)

P.S- We always like to keep our shit unique, so here's what you gotta do to join the bash...Just dedicate a song to Peter while commenting \:D/

Bachpan's the ultimate fun!

2009-05-28T16:46:00.000+05:30

When we look back at those snaps we laugh, through tears in our eyes. We smile looking at ourselves and our friends and we laugh.

Chotu look at you… you dress up like Govinda. orange Pant and blue shirt. LOL :D

Oh, and that long, knee touching skirt was my favorite!!! I wonder what made me feel it was the best on earth.

Remember the dark room game? We hid ourselves inside the blankets and Tinku couldn't find us till dusk.

When we look back, when we were kids,we always had some or the other game to play. Some well known, and some, newly discovered by us. Some amended with new rules and we said, I'm the boss, I won the last match.I'll decided who will play first or else I'm not playing [-(

No matter how late it is after tuition we used to play badminton till we managed to see the cock (And remember, how we felt like idiots when we found out the meaning of cock and then corrected every other kid by saying 'shuttle, bacche. Not cock. Lol :P)

Me and MY Chaddi pal Gitu

While waiting for bus in bus stand we used to have a quick game called Lock and key. I hate it because i was always locked (bad runner you see) and kept waiting for someone to help me escape. Now it makes me feel that the game should be rather called as Prison break :D

While playing hide and seek once I locked my sister in room and she kept thinking that no one found her till late.

Bachpan main once my bro locked my sister in the box room (the box room didn't have any ventilation) and bro ran somewhere else out of house, later when my mom opened the room she found my sister inside the room in tears and she almost fainted..My shaitan bro got royal scolding from my mom later.

Me and My siste r

He once fired the blanket room by mistake. Later every one in the town was staring my house and we were the last one to realise that our bro has shown his karnama again.

We celebrated B’day for Gifts, We were most happy when our parents gave us money when we touched their feet to go to hostel.

Making castles in sand, doll games with our precious tea sets (No i will be the wife .. Okie I will be husband this time, happy??? )

Doctor doctor – lol. I was always the patient. :D and marbles game. Throwing one marbel upwards and gathering all the rest in the ground and not letting the on-air marbel fall on ground but catch it with other palm for next chance :)

High jumps through rubber bands, playing skipping till we lost breath was fun.
I can go on and on. And so can you, I bet :P

P.S. - As Mads had promised in her previous post, the title of the Class Actor goes to Shaunak and Stupidosaur jointly. Shaunak has got his shit in the right spot for the second time around, after winning our previous contest too !!

Please collect your prize

It's A Class Act !

2009-05-17T01:04:00.001+05:30

I just hope, pray to the Lord above that none of my faculty members are reading this. Or none of the students who read this sneak off and show it to my faculty members.

It's actually alright. Anyway, my grades suck. Sigh.

What BP(my Bench Partner) and I do in class, during the entire 1 hour lecture....

First 5 mins go in attendance and giving each other missed calls, if the other hasn't come to class.
Then starts the boredom...

1) We take pics :D and then keep rotating the pics, changing the background. and of course, crib that we look dark, and our hair looks bad.

2) Discuss what to wear the next day to college.

3) Crib at least once in every lecture that boys suck.

4) Laugh at the people who sleep in a funny manner. If they are really funny, take pics of them too. I love the zoom option for that.

5) Look at what each person is wearing and appreciate/criticize it.

6) Listen to the faculty and maarofy sarcastic remarks.

7) Priceless one: call on each others cells and watch it vibrate.

8) Another priceless one: call on one cell and put our fingers on it and move along with the cell as it vibrates (We are BORED. That's what happens to bored people. Forgive us for living.)

9) Thanks to my guilty conscience, I take notes sometimes. BP goes off to sleep then(Why you taking down notes? *shakes head and goes to sleep and wakes up within seconds since she gets a sms :P *

10) Plan a dinner outing or movie. And mostly, implement the plans :D

11) Get hold of a newspaper and read our horoscopes and discuss about it. Then read the Elite Page 3 and discuss about the latest happenings(You know what? Freida Pinto and Dev Patel were caught kissing???? Followed by a "Hawww!! How do YOU know?" "Arre, read this article" The poor faculty drones on about Articles of Constitution, while we read newspaper articles).
Then, BP asks me to update her on the sports section, which I religiously do :D (What? India won? Against? Oh, Dhoni is cute! Oh Federer lost? (I clear my throat and change the topic quickly)

12) Play games on cells and on paper. Muhuhahaha. Name Place Animal Thing, any one?

13) The best of the lot. BP invented it. It's called Dub Dub Rate. It's simply checking your pulse for a minute. And write it down and compare who's is higher. The highest was, when BP and I got a giggling fit and we started the game, and BP scored 98 and I score 93. And once:
BP: I'm bored, Let's start checking our pulse.
Me: Yeah...(checking) Hey..(searching all over my hand) Hey, I can't find my pulse!
BP: Arre, class can't be that boring that you can't find your pulse.(laughs and starts hunting) Hey...(eyes widening) I can't find it too!!
Me: Eeeeeeks. I'm dead, BP!!!
BP: No...No...(frowning and starts hunting) There!! Found it...Can hardly feel it.... It's nearly gone (in a sincere tone)

14) We usually don't scribble on benches. I mean, just don't wanna do it, I guess. We type a sms and show the cell to the other, in case we sense that someone is overhearing us, or we want to bitch about someone sitting nearby :D

15) Immediately after inventing the Dub Dub Rate game, she invented a Yawn game. Simply count how many times we yawn. She won 15, my score was simply a 5. Insomniac re. Even classes don't put me off to sleep, dammit. We also played checking the pulse rate near the throat, but that was too obvious, and our fellow back benchers and the faculty were giving us WTF looks....

Any additions to this list? Or did we just motivate you into surviving your next class? Drop a comment ;-)
The best addition to this list will get The Title of the Class Actor....

IPL RAP(E) !!

2009-05-04T01:20:00.000+05:30

It's IPL time,
And we shit-ers, Peminem, Y2A Sean and Mads Cents present before you a rap(e) for which we won't charge a dime!

Yo, I pee in your Land,
I field in your Sand,
I didn't want it at the end of the day to be it at SA,
Its not about SA or India,waise
All everyone wanted was thode, bahut paise!

I'm an Indian, I don't want a blow,
I had enough of election's peep show,
Enough to make Modi lose control,

I ain't a jackass politician, nor a leader,
I'm just a normal guy drooling over a hot cheerleader,

I dun own the knights,
I dun fear from fights,
Da Basanti's dance with me, they dance for me,
I take in the sight, with lots of glee,

Even the umpires have a hit on them,
Each time, they score, wham bam, thank you Ma'm,
They start dancing on every hit,
Dance like they got, them fits,

The Knights don't last into the night,
They cannot give in any match a fight,
A Fake IPL Player, a fake male called SRgay,
A Skipper who can't just play,
A coach who teaches his laptop to bowl n bat,
They get laid, at the bottom, flat.

The Mumbai Indians aala re,
Oh oh, par Sachin gaya re,
They fall down,immediately,crumble,
Bowl wides, expecting the opposition to tumble,
The young all-rounders, Bravo and Nayar,
Have their asses always on fire.

Shilpa Shetty's hit movies is equal to,
Da number of wins for her boys,which are few,
Last year's top dogs, they were,
Now, they can only manage to purr,
Warne's new bowler's action is under threat
Wonder if plan 2354235 of Warne is all set,

The Royal Challengers,are back,
They got Uthappa in exchange of Zak,
Despite Dravid and Kevin going home early,
And they are winning finally,
It's a surprise Virat takes any catches,
When we see him looking, all da time, at himself in his
glasses.

The Singh who's King of all chicks,
Lost a match recently, despite his hattrick,
Preity who still plays hug hug with all the mates,
And Ness got it, from his ex date,
Sreesanth's injured, but pappu still dances,for free,
At a party,he nearly played slap gate,with KP,

The Dhakkan Chargers sweeping the floor last time,
Have made losing seem, a huge crime,
Uncle Gilly, who's making captaincy seem silly,
Kicking out Laxman didn't help their fielding,mate,
Symonds out of the team, is it good or great?

The Daredevils dare to keep out Pigeon from the team,
And still, their win is not just a dream,
Gauti and Fatty are the dream opening pair,
And they always get out simultaneously with a pair,
Dick Nannes, fucks all his name-alikes,
Nehra, who's bowling is enough, to psych.

Chennai Super Kings have Hayden at the start,
And in the middle, hiccups and a lot of farts,
His Padmashri award, Dhoni's busy cleaning,
An early return home, his team's planning,
The balls go above Parthiv Patel,
Wonder if Gony wants a career in selling Bhel?

The leaders, the teams who got there just to win,
Have to fight with their own kin,
Pathan v. Pathan,or Hussey v. Hussey,
Fuck every pussy, without making any fussy,
Cannot afford to pee in their pant,
Or listen to the media's rant.
May the best team win it all,
The money's for them, to have a ball.

Suprizzzze \:D/ \:D/ \:D/

2009-04-14T00:02:00.000+05:30

Folks this is RAHUL SHARAD DRAVID, I play cricket for Indian team and have made 10823 test runs and 10585 runs in ODI. I was born on 11th Jan 1973 and after 16 years, 3 months and 3 days, there was a girl born. She loved me, she adored me, she worshiped me. I think today i am a famous person just because of her. People call me 'Wall' coz perhaps she wanted them to call me so. I was called Jammy coz perhaps She liked JAM too. Her email ID tells how madly this gal was in love with me.

I am a married man now and I regret it, coz i have come to know about her, when i already have a kid and when My wife is expecting the second one too. I could have married a Rahul fanatic & that would have made me a lot happier than facing 408787 balls and taking 377 catches in the international cricket. She believes that I am her True man coz I am soft spoken, gentle, kind, reliable and adorable. I think she is my true lady coz she loves cricketers like me (Vijeta reading?), She has the team spirit (Indian team readintg ?) she is fun (my kids reading ?), she is pretty (other Rahul fanatics reading ?).

It takes a lot from within and a lot from outside for a former Indian Skipper to come public and talk about his fan, but it's a lot simpler game the other way round. But one should get what one deserves, so with the help of a few of her blogger mates, I am going to declare that this girl's craziness has finally paid off and all you Dravid fans can add me up, my email id is 'ilovemadhuriiyer@gmail.com'

Now all you readers must have guessed it by now that I am talking about MADS a.k.a MADHURI IYER and yes the reason is, that it's her b'day today. So I swear by all those 970 boundaries that i have hit in international cricket that this gal deserves more, even more than my speech and the reason this speech was not funny is because it's by me. I don't crack jokes, it's not my nature.

By the way I have forced all the owners of this blog to change the color to 'Pink' coz she loves it, Peter was reluctant par Abhinav ne dil pe patthar rakh k isssey change kiya hai. Then we ordered a pink cake,and a pink card, again the boys were reluctant but they had to obey my order. Rest both the gals (Bhawana and Nidhi) seem pretty cool by the idea. Now I am really confused with my gift, so I have decided that I will gift her all the possible emotions from my side.

:) -be happy when you remember me..

:D - Grin when you see my pics.

:"> - blush when you see this post

>:D< - hug when you see my posters.

;) - wink when you see me.

:X - get love struck every time with me.

8-> - Daydream when you think of me.

=)) - roll on the floor laughing when I crack a joke.

\:D/ -dance when you are thinking of making a chance.

=; - Hi5 me on everything possible.

:-h - Now say goodbye. I have to go.

PROB-LAMES

2009-04-10T17:25:00.000+05:30

Look around and you will find tension over people's head instead of those natural black/white/blond/Grey things made from dead cells. People have to ponder and take tension of every matter around and invite their PIA and DURA matters along in the brain pissing exercise.

Half of the world is busy fucking and the rest half is fucking busy.

But being a SFTian we have to ensure that we take it with a pinch of salt and a punch of chilled and hot chops. We are turning the wagon wheel and lets see what all silly and frustrating events come up. I am sure some are just lame and some are just not the same.

JOBS/RECESSION

Some people desperately want a BLOW, Some Desperately want a JOB and Some Despos just want both these things together.

Engineers (specially computer and IT) have a void at the end of each program they plan for and other engineers just have 0 error but countless warnings in their future plans. Someone told me that the best investment for now is to invest in higher studies. I say but what If i am done with my studying, do I go for a triple PhD ?

Anyways if you are an engg like me and don't have a job, then one suggestion for now, READING 'a-S-F-T' WILL NOT HELP :|

PALAK-6.0 -ROADIES DOWN UNDER !!

She has changed the meaning of 'USP' for any TV show.Made Roadies equivalent to hell, Now i am sure once roadies gets over and Rakhi Sawant is married, she is gonna replace her in all the crying ceremonies.

Check out the beauty of this sentence and better appreciate my lame creativity.

" How the Roadies can, a girl give Maa, bahen, beti galis 24x7 on a National TV".

I told u 'roadies' is now equivalent to 'hell'..duh !

She has this manly voice which I have heard in my horrifying dreams so many times, and when she gets happy i get depressed, When she laughs I cry, when she cries I laugh.

She has become the antonym of Joy for me . I have controlled myself from not breaking TV every nano-second of what i have seen her,and the reason is that i watch it in my hostel ka TV so can't really break it, I do My breathing exercise, Count till 10, take chill pills whenever I see her. I hate all the PALAKs in the world becoz of that 'BEEP'.

ORKUT sCRAP

One morning I got up and saw some 1300 scraps missing, then i asked some people, they had lost 2000 scraps. some lost 3000 scraps, and some people became a complete 'SCRAP-VIRGIN' once again.

Then like a true 007 Fanatic, i investigated every single tiny finger profile possible, and came to know from scrutinizing Orkut's blog that, It has now removed all the scraps sent by the people who are no longer in your list or have, deleted their account and all the link wale scraps are now considered as SPAM. so UNSPAM them and get those few scraps muft muft muft :D

FACING-BOOK PROBLEMS

Okay it's complex and not user friendly at all and as Abhinav says: "orkut k jaisi meeti ki kushboo nahi aati hai ismein se, orkut is Desi" I would have agreed with him even if he had said Orkut is Bangla-desi.

I don't understand FB shuru kahan se hota hai aur khatam kahan hota hai. Some People are voracious FBookers and some are just QUIZohlolics. Well I have thought of creating a quiz called

"WHICH SLANG SUITS YOU THE MOST"

woh bhi hindi mein, so if u are really an MC in BC's disguise the world will come to know soon ;)

INDIAN PROBLEMATIC LEAGUE

We are a county having a population of more than a billion people, but we don't have enough security forces to carry out two major events simultaneously. So we organize it in some other country and it's like, a Mother giving her whole uterus to some other person, just coz she is not immune enough :|

SIMPLY PROBLEMS

These are all about small-small individual problems like, you flunked your boards or you have aids/cancer/hepatitis-B. You met an alien and no one believes you. You lost someone special. You are in an important meeting and you have to pee, or you just broke you nose and now you look like a parrot with tapes on.

Actually these are the problems, no one bothers about coz they don't qualify for the LAME category ;)

P.S : MADS promised in her last post, that the best English-rapist walks away with an award. So people tried their luck and there was a tough competition between PINK ORCHID & SHAUNAK according to MADS, so she decided to give the award to both these rapists.

Guys here is your prize
(aho it rhymes!!)

Phun intended :D

2009-03-26T22:34:00.000+05:30

I hate my English language being tampered with. But nevertheless, I enjoy the various 'speakos' (like typos, u know. I have a copyright over this word, mind it rascala, be nice to me, I might be your lawyer tomorrow) and 'Englees' getting raped mercilessly. Here are some of the funniest 'speakos' (Btw, slip of the tongue is slip of the mind, those who laugh are very unkind, as my teacher used to say) that have come across me, rather than me coming across them.

1) The (in)famous delicious snakes to eat.
'Super lucky snakes'-- Thus, hangs a banner outside a restaurant.
OMG, I'm soooo hungry, I can eat sooo many snakes !!!!!! How about some ladders along with them, eh?

2) My hairs are long and awesome, naa?
Yeah, I don't want to cut my hairs. They have grown so long. Hey, even you have lovely hairs. Wowwwww.....

3) Hey, did you know, that there are more sheeps than people in Switzerland.....
Sheeps? Ba Ba black sheeps, have you any wools?
Yes Sir, Yes Sir, shut the fuck up, bloody fool.

4) Then, he actually hearded me ?!!!?!!?
And I wish I had gone deaf before I 'hearded' that....

5) Arre I don't care. Whatevers.
*Speechless*.

6) Ya, I alloweded him in my house.
You sure aren't alloweded in my house, if you speak like that !!!

7) I went into the question and tried to answering him.
Oh, playing hide and seek, naughty boy? Running inside the question, and then seeking the answer...

8) Aur dekhiye, behenji, yeh mast tops hai aapke liye...
Okay, you make me your sister firstly, you are excused for that. But listen, brother.
I.wear.only.ONE.TOP.

9) Hey hey hey, ek jocks bolu ??
(Translation for us normal human beings: hey hey hey, can I tell you one JOKES)

10) I will be found out for you by tomorrow.
Hmm, and I would rather you be 'lost out'today itself.

11) Yeah, the lecturer will be finished in an hour.
God, you not only kill English language, but you just killed the lecturer before he finishes his lecture!!!

That's all I have in the stores.
Drop in a comment about how your language has got raped. The most awesome and exciting rape gets an award in our next post....

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to target any specific person(s) or any group. It is written in good humour and based on personal experiences of the authoress (yes, all are personal experiences).

COME COMMENT ;)

2009-03-19T18:13:00.000+05:30

We do write for comments and if by any chance you say that you don’t, then save your electricity bill (write in your personal diary which no one will read) and if you mean you don’t write for 100 comments per post you are okay with even 5 nice ones, then well those are comments too. You just can’t ignore the fact either ways.

You get comments, you reply to those comments and we at ‘a-shit-for-tat’ have been observing that since long. Here comes the funny ‘commenter-author’ bantering on almost all the comment section disasters.

THE FIRST ONES

Commenter: – YAY YAY YAY, I am the first one to do.

Author: – So where is your apple ADAM? You did it with EVE right? or you just did it with The Mountain DEW?

THE PDAs (Public Displays of affection)

Commenter:- Awww, so true Baby, Hugs, Kisses, Muah Muah !

Author:- Ohh Gawd! Did you just not read the Post, eh ? It talks about how much I hate all lesbians and wet kisses, you bitch, you don’t read anything properly, I am sure you are not reading this one too *DANCES* \:D/

THE APATHIES

Commenter: – It happens dude, Jus chillax, Take a chill pill ;)

Author:- What happens Dude? I wrote about how badly I want to commit suicide by myself (which is quite obvious coz it would be a homicide otherwise) and you drop down to say “it happens”.

How many times did you die last month, huh ?

THE SYMPATHIES

Commenter:- Ohh dear I hope all the merciless souls rot In hell and suffer big time. Don’t pay heed to anyone, You rock baby and whoever did it with you is presumably the worst motherfu**ing Bastard alive.

Author :– Hey , WTF ! don’t make an issue out of my boy friend not sharing a lollypop with me last night.

THE BOUNCERS/PREACHINGS

Commenter :- He who had his biggest animosity for even the silliest triumphant whispers, did not see the masked –evil-rouge-kind-of –moron sticking to the basics of mortality. That is the club Mate, welcome to the real world. Cheers !

Author:- Sorry ? are you talking about my post ? Talk in Angreezi pleeeeaaajjj :(

THE not-LINKED-to-the-LIST

Commenter:- Ohh wow ! your Boyfriend must have been delighted with the poem, super kool, kudos ^:)^

Author:- Well, I don’t think so. I have a separate poem for him. This one was for my father :|

THE WORST EVER : – well there are basically 10 varieties of such kind and all have more or less these kind of replies in respective order.

Commenter:- i) Nice Post ii)Cool iii)LOL iv) :D v) WOW vi) Good Job Vii)You have been tagged/awarded viii) Blogrolled you ix) awww x) Hugs >:D<

Author :– i) Thnks ii) I know iii) He He iv) :P v) Thnks vi) I knw vii) Ohh lemme see viii) Good for you ix)*blushes* x) >:D<>

THE WHACKY ANONYMOUS

Commenter(anonymous):– I differ from what a pervert man would say. Actually all of you are the who’s who of human crap. You act like you did not do anything and you are sensitive but you pounce on the other hot gal the very next moment .

Author: – Listen I wrote it out of experience & if you have got the guts, then don’t be anonymous.

Commenter :– you are a pervert. *Period*

Author: – You sound like a female pervert, and you better keep your period to yourself (LOL kidding).

Commenter:- Blergh X-(

Author:- Someone is pissed.

And it goes on till either of them surrender or till he/she blocks the anonymous commenter.

THE OWN STORIES

Commenter:- WOW you know what ? Once upon a time, I was like you and then I went for estivation, but it did not work then I tried out hibernation, Bang ! It worked, I am so glad it worked.

Author: – Yeah ! but this post is about me being Insomniac not about what you did in your last birth in ICE AGE.

P.S :- Well this post is not having any intentions of maligning anyone’s name indirectly or directly and if you ask me where is the genuine comment category ? Then the answer is…right in the comment section of this post… See we are kind to whoever comments here ;)

R*ck off : The climax

2009-03-15T22:22:00.000+05:30

A quick recap

Aaditya, the hero, is ill with STML (Not another Standard Typical Markup Language but Short Term Memory Loss). He remembers only his songs and he now only has 1 mission and vision. 1 vision because his left eye caught cataract. Poor chap. his wife, (did we mention her name?); kept on dating Prem Sharma who had a thick and strange English accent which only he understood. They have planned that the day when Aaditya's yaaddasht (Memory) returns, they will make him sign his will and they will kill him.

The Climax (Thankfully!)

Aaditya remembers things by clicking photographs. Forget everything, remember Ghajini that will make our task easier. One day when his wife is not at home, gone to a cyber cafe to read a famous blog http://shitfortat.blogspot.com, he manages to get out. He read in a newspaper that Indian Idol Auditions are being carried out in a near bye Municipal School. Recession you see. He takes the newspaper cutting and reaches at the venue. At the gate 3 musketeer resembling people are sitting. Arthos, Porthos and Aramis (Jai Ho, The author remembers SM re!). One of them is having long hair and holding a guitar. He is using the hole in the guitar to put the money he is begging. Similarly, another one holds upside turned drum to do the same. Aaditya ignores the two. And starts to move forward towards the main gate of the school. Suddenly her hears, the third one, looks like a Anglo Indian sort of person. Coughing, too much Heroin and marijuana case it seems. He finds him singing, “Darshaan do Ghanshyaam…!” Achaanak, with all due respect to Ekta Kapoor’s school of thought, he utters, “teri maa ki” and grabs his forehead and finally loses his balance and falls in his lap. When he falls, his head bounces off the drum and then he falls face first on the guitar.
3 hours later. Aaditya wakes up. He is surrounded by 3 musketeer looking men. Without even giving out a WTF, he says without even stammering, “Rachel, Monika and” sees his orange shirt, “Mirindaaaah.. eeeeehhhhhh…. Phoebe!” (thank god stammering is back!). The 3 utter in unison, “wwwwwoooww.. Aaditya, tu humein mil hi gaya!”. Anglo Indian man says, “Nikaal mere paise.. saaley, 3 Rupees 45 paise baaki hai tereko dene..” Long haired with Guitar calms down him. “Man, this is not the time to talk about money. We have met our best Friend back after so many years.”

Jaldi se kahaani ko 2 saal aage bhada dete hain. All is set. Whenever Aaditya’s wife goes out to see Prem, the trio and Aaditya rehearse in his house as they have finally registered their names for a Old School Rock Competition meant for people who have grown old. They also get to know that Prem and Aaditya’s wife have bought tickets for that show. Corner wali seat coz they know old people ka show old people hi dekhne aayenge. He shows still being affected with memory loss to his wife taaki kisi ko koi shaq na ho obviously!

D-Day

Stage is set. Lights, Camera, Pogo!

Few groups come and perform. No one even claps! Our cheap couple has no interest in any music and they are busy in doing stuff which people do at corner seats. Suddenly our rock band, TRAGIK arrives. Aaditya is the main vocalist. He grabs the mic and sneezes. His wife obviously knows about how he sneezes so she gets startled by the familiar noise. She says to Prem that she has heard about this sneeze. Prem ignores them and keeps doing what every one wishes to do. The performance is a super duper hit. Stage gets filled with roses, coins and bikinis. [sorry but some stuff if these kind is must for a cheap Bloggie]. They win by a huge margin. Suddenly a gun also finds its way to the stage. Aaditya picks it up. He has seen the 2 doing mushy things. He reaches there.

Aaditya: “Ehhh. Huh hmm.. excuse me…”
Wife: ohh! N.o. OMFG.. is is is that u u u u u Aaditya??
Aaditya: abbey I am supposed to stammer, you bloody bi^&#@!
Prem: ohh man, you have a gun… please reham, You know we have eaten your salt when you were ill.
Aaditya: toh ab goli khaa!

He checks the pistol. It has only 1 bullet in it. He thinks about which one to kill.
Wife? Prem? Wife? Prem?

He decides. He presses the trigger.

The End…!

**ck off- 2 !!!

2009-03-06T23:02:00.000+05:30

This post is a sequel to the previous post

“Saala abhi tak kyun nahi aaya?” his wife wonders as she sits on the bed with a string in her hand. The string was attached to a bucket full of water which was strategically placed on the entrance door, so that only water would fall on the person who enters.

Meanwhile our hero dragged himself to come back after being thrown out of the rock concert where he saw his wife and padosi munda Prem going hand in hand.

3 am. He pushes the door open. “Excuse me madam ji.. kho…ho..ho..ho… please open” he yelled. “Aji, sunte ho!” she screams back and jerkes the string.

The water along with the metal bucket fells on Aditya’s head. He faints.

“Hai rabba!” she screams, “Yeh maine kya kar daala! Yeh dekhne se pehle aasmaan phat kyu nahi gaya, zameen mujhe nikal kyu nai gayi.. Or is it the other way round? Who cares!”

She drags him onto a sofa and runs to the puja room. Aaditya wakes up after one hour, to the deafening sounds of the ghanti being rung and a prayer being screamed out and a rotten leather shoe hanging over his nose.

“Abbe oye, bandh karo yeh atyachaar. .. Bol bol why did u ditch me.. jindagi bhi lele yaar kill me”

His wife comes into the room, ringing the ghanti and rotating the aarti thali clockwise and anti clockwise in front of his face.

“Abbe, tum kaun ho?” he drawls. “Tu hai meri kiran…tu hai meri kiran…”
“Mai kiran nahi hu!! Haaye rabba yeh kiran kaun hai??? Yeh kya hogaya isko? Gaane pe gaane, dialogues pe dialogues? Abhi daaktar saab ko phone lagati hun…Hai Rabb!” his wife sobs as she dials the doctor’s number. She looks at the door, waiting for Doctor Sharma to come.

“K.. k…kiska hai yeh tumko, intezaar, main hoo naa…” Aditya keeps singing. “Chalo…bedroom mei…Mood hai kya? *Pun intended. Muhuhahaha…”* he pulls her hand to the bedroom.

“Nahiiiii….” She cries and suddenly with 3 camera movements, the door is flung open. Here comes Doctor Sharma ,Prem Sharma (too much Bond movies!), the neighborhood rockstar.

He examines him and says, “He’s lost his memory. He doesn’t remember anything except the songs from his previous movies. Ab ise dawa ki nahi dua ki jarurat hai… badhai ho.. he is almost no more.. divorce him and lets do balle balle”

His wife faints. She recovers, muttering, “Yeh sab meri galti hai..meri galti hai… Jab tak yeh jaaydaad pe sign karne laayak nahi hota. We can’t marry,dear!”

Aditya is not allowed to move outside till his memory improves. His wife decides to keep a fast till he recovers. Prem Sharma has been evacuated from her life, permanently.

To be continued...

R*ck Off

2009-02-22T22:32:00.001+05:30

Dark alley. Spiders hanging from the ceiling. Squeaking sounds was coming from the holes in the wall. He kept on walking towards the darker part. At the end of the tunnel he was in, he saw a familiar room. With fungus and yeast sticking to the wall, in addition to the beautiful ecosystem and life’s presence, he felt home. It was the all familiar green room. Literally green because of the fungus mind you! A broken window allowed some light to peep in. As he pushed the door and entered, he saw himself in the broken mirror. What he saw was not something he had wished for. He saw a kiss mark on his forehead. Ehhhhhh... He shrieked in his usual tone. He came closer to the mirror. He tried to clean the mirror to see his dubious mark clearly. He pulled out his hanky from his pocket. He cleaned up the mirror. As he was doing that, he noticed that there was something scribbled on the hanky. It was garbled, he couldn’t make out. He tried to concentrate. It was 3 letters with a kiss mark, same as his forehead. It said... “K. Jo.”

“Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”, Shahrukh woke up. He was panting. Without even blinking he glanced toward the other person sharing the bed with him. He thought it would be his wife but he still removed the blanket to make sure. It wasn’t her. It was his chuddie buddy. Karan.

“Ehhh kkkkarran… what are you doing here.. huh? Ehh huh? Why... ehhh?”. Karan smiled. Sharukh was already panting stood up and declared, “I have got an idea. It’s been a long time we made a hit movie together.” Karan interrupted, “Oyeee, We just made one!” Shahrukh said, “Not this kind. I just had a vision. We shall make a movie based on rock music. I just want to cast 3-4 people and we shall make a low budget movie. Of course you will direct and produce. And I will be called Aditya in it. Naam toh suna hi hoga!”

-----------------------------------------
Dharmaaaa Production Present
A Green Chilli Film
Rock Off
(A Shit-For-Tat Blogie*)
-----------------------------------------

Aditya is a common man working in a particular state’s (whose name can’t be disclosed) Electricity Board. He may look like a lean, dull boring looking man with less hair and wrinkles all over his face. He feels that his life is as exciting as a Baseball player in East Timor. But he has a passion. A passion for singing which got subsided because of parivar ki jimmedari and all that and because of some reasons which will be disclosed later. In spite his dull features, he has a super hot wife. (Damn! says the author). The looks of his wife can’t be depicted on this blog because it has got some female moderators and readers. Shh back to Bloggie. Aditya is also very worried because of the growing meetings of his wife with a neighborhood rockstar named Prem(height: 5 ft 10 inch. Heavy non understandable accent of English. Takes his shirt off randomly). Aditya’s life is very boring.

One day he was coming from his daftar to his home and suddenly the tire of the bus bursts. Thankfully it isn’t a blast. Just a usual puncture. Yes, what if the movies don’t show any reality. We at Shit 4 Tat are as real as green Martians. He utters, “Kkkkya yaar.. huh! Eehhhh huh!” As a result he has to walk back home. As he walks down he sees his wife and the Macho man the rockstar going towards a certain side of the road. He grabs a autowalla and says, “Bhaiyya, inka peecha karo. Huh ehhh huh!” The Autowalla is veteran whose mere size and looks make Aditya say... “huh Ohh ohh Okkkk…. Huh huh!” He just decides to follow them on foot. He runs and finds that those 2 culprits were entering a big rock show. He tries to get in but the guards there stop him to do so. “Bring tickets you moron!” they growl at him. “Damn! ehhh!” he says.

This moment in his life makes him realize that being old looking and acting boring certainly has some disadvantages. He decides that there is only one way to get back to his old golden days and his wife.

Rocking On again.....

To be continued...

-----------------------------------------------
*Note: We have lawyer on our blog's moderator list. Beware pirates. Yeh new word Bloggie note karke patent kiya jaaye meelord!

BLOGGERS ON THE MENU --- which one is you ?

2009-02-16T22:43:00.000+05:30

Blogspot is densely packed with plethora of yummy and yucckkkkky bloggers and their respective blogs, but just like the way someone raped what William Wordsworth once said in to a toxic version as “the beauty lies in the eyes of a BEER holder” we also have our own assumptions. We are baking the names up and serving you on our ‘a-shit-for- tat’ along with some sarcastic cherry toppings and slapstick float drinks.

THE BREEZERS

These are the simplest bloggers alive and that too in abundance. They would write about all the things they did today/y’day as per their time management. From attending his/her (mostly) ‘calls’ to attending his (mostly)/her ‘nature’s call’. About his (mostly)/her ‘work’ and about his/her (mostly) ‘dates’. They hardly go berserk and violent on any topic unless it’s a terror attack or a female molestation case or some personal bad experiences. In short they are almost non –harmful, just like a BREEZER which has merely 4% alcohol. Their blogs are like personal diaries but the irony is that it’s public. You peep in there, read what’s going on (if you are interested) or you have the option of being reluctant in whatever is happening in some unknown random person’s life and they don’t give a damn about it, that’s why their comments oscillate between 5-25 per post.

THE RUMS

Okay the name should have been ‘THE GUMS’ but it’s not a beverage so a rhyming one would do for the time being errrr WTF (what the fake?)

They are always high about their own life problems. Fiascos, break-ups, bad phases, Examinations, Health problems (yes pregnancy cases too!), trauma’s and severe other possible ways of frustrating themselves and the readers along with it. A few DEV Ds and a huge DEVI Ds are the examples. They are also gender biased most of the times, e.g, a female blogger would curse her ex-

bf even if she has dumped him and the bechara had no fault whatsoever in a poem like this:

“He the fuck had no fucking right to fuck me and leave,

I the fuck, will fucking hunt him down & I fucking swear by Eve.”

A male blogger will curse his ex-gf somewhat like this:

“So insane and ugly was the fucking bitch,

That I had no other option than to fuck her and ditch.”

Gawd !! somebody give them anti-depressants, and ask them to Shut the Fuck up. Anyways they are moody, so analyze your own comments and then write and dare not give any suggestions, else you will be in their F rated versions from the next time onwards.

THE WHISKIES

They write such hi-fi/ sci-fi/ wi-fi poems, short stories and even jokes that sometimes you can’t understand even after turning the pages of your dictionary or even after googling for hours, coz it’s either their made-up words or some very cleverly penned down emotions. for example

“The alacrity of my wit and the euphoria of her sanity made even the curmudgeon go week on the knees and the dearth of insanity started vanishing and thereby tranquility emerged.”

Kisi k baap ko samjh nahi ayega, ki yeh kya bol raha hai.

And the made-up words and hence the sentences which will come up would be something like this.

“The horizonated blissingly pleasure is captionated somewhere in my mind”

These type of bloggers get two types of comments

i) Awesome work dude, nice usage of words and beautifully narrated (Oh really?? You mean you got what he means?)

ii) Cool poem (simplest admiration and the worst comment of all time)

THE MARGARITAS They are phunny and phunky and phoool oph humour. You visit their blogs and smile, giggle, LOL, ROFL and visit again and repeat the previous procedure. They will write even the biggest of their fiascos in a humorous manner. They are the prototypes of Chandler/Barny. Would write about intellectual stuffs in a funny manner and jokes in a serious manner. The irony makes It LOLable. They are smart and know how to tackle an issue, they will insult you publicly and yet you won’t mind it. They are in fact anti-depressants. One of the ‘next to extinct’ species on the blogville.

THE BEERS

They would upload a picture taken/googled and then would write four-five lines on it, sometimes it’s too brilliant and sometimes its cliché, but its always nice coz you get to read small posts and then comment properly. You never misinterpret or get confused. But it’s always difficult to figure out whether they wrote those lines first or they searched that figure first. Either way it’s nice.

THE PINA COLADAS

They are the blend of all the above bloggers, they crib, they abuse, they are sarcastic, they are serious , they are funny. They are so simple yet so complex, they are unpredictable and yet so obvious. Would leave serious impressions. They are the perfect cocktail of all the emotions present in the world so be ready to get shocks/surprises any time from their blogs. They are moody and so their blogs are. Infact the second next to extinct variety on blogville. They would write poems, real life incidents, one liners, jokes, absurd posts but will bring variety. In short they rock and they rock even when they sulk and suck.

A Bullet For My Valentine !

2009-02-09T22:31:00.001+05:30

The guy's atyachaar has been wailed by Abhinav and the girl's atyachaar has been screeched by Mads.

HIS PART

V-Day is coming. So are you all ready for it? What have you decided? Will you go to any restaurant, movie, pub*or any par/garden/lawn to do ahem ahem.. *Giggles*

If you happen to hail from this planet and a country called India, then you must have heard about a Song called. “Emosonal Atyachaar.” What? Never heard it? Give us your email address today only and we shall mail it to you right away. Piracy will be banned from tomorrow. Now when you have listened this song you must have understood the deep emotion it touches. The lyrics compliment the awesome voice and the music of the brass bands brings a “Dhuuum-tana-na-na” in one’s ears. The song is mast only because it deals with reality. After a long interval, a song of this nature has broken into our ears. Last song was “Neele gagan k tale, subah k 5 baje…” and more recently, “Aey Ganpat, Chal daaruu laa!”

So the song deals with Emotional atyachaar. The atyachaar aka torture is what a boy feels when he falls into a deep evil in the society called an affair. Keep love out of this affair for the moment and lets discuss this evil system.

Boy likes a girl. Okay fair enough. (In fact congrats for liking a girl. Aajkal k jamaane ka kya bharosa) so without aajo baajo looking, he proposes her. Obviously she says no. first time yes kehde toh ego –ve main nahi chali jayegi? After 4-5 proposals, gifts, treats, she finally says yes. The hard work paid off. Dating starts. Movies. Discos. Gardens[The author feels shy to go any further].

Initial few days are fun. Then the funnier part starts. Boy calls the girl for dinner. She says, “Yaar actually hai na, who meri mummy hai na.. abhi yaar who ill hain. You know, she had fast yesterday. Ate too much today. So she is feeling dizzy. I can’t come. Sorry sweetooo!”. Boy says, “Okay dear… take care of your mother. We shall meet some other day.”

He asks again after a week or so. “Yaar, you know na, exams are coming. Jaaanoo, you know na, I have to beat the topper this time. Saali kalmooohi 0.8% jyada le aayi thii mere se. iss bar toh main uskee laga doongi”.

Boy says, “Abbey main bhi toh padhta hoo. Topper na sahi but I still get a gud %age.” Girl gets angry, “What do you think am I lying? Tu.. haan haan tu jo kal Priya ki bacchi k saath ghoom raha tha mall main who kya ha? Bata bey.. tu bata..” Boy: “Arey, she is just another friend of mine. You are the one for me.” Girl: “Chal chal e shaane, hawa aane de.. samajhti hoo main.” Phone line blasts off.

It’s very tough to be a boy. Yes, the one who always suffers the most. The one who waits for hours to meet but she always arrives at least 40 minutes later. The innocent lamb. Poor chap. Of course, there may be some exceptions but the one who really faces emotional atyachaar is the one and only. A BOY.

* Mr. Pramod Muthalik reads this blog. Commenting on the very first line of this blog requires discretion.

HER PART

Phase 1- Roses smell sweet, they don't have any thorns.

He proposed to me. I thought about it. I asked my 6 girlfriend's opinion. All of us girls had a debate for a week over it.Finally, I agreed to accept his proposal. I introduced him to my girl friends. I noticed whether he looked at any of them for more than 7 seconds or not. Luckily he didn't. If a guy looks at a girl for more than 7 seconds, then he is fantasizing about having sex with her, did you know that?? My boyfriend wasn't sex hungry. Yay!!! I'm the luckiest girl in the world. My boyfriend is the best boyfriend in the world.

Phase 2- Tra la la la la. Roses are red, violets are blue. I want to get married only to you.

He got me flowers before every date. I was late by only 1 hour for our date since I couldn't find a light pink nail polish and I had to put on a dark pink nail polish. He didn't say a word about me being late. I got compliments each time I breathed. He held the door for me, pulled a chair for me, paid the bill. He is God. I'm his Goddess. Let no child on this earth be devoid of love and affection.

Phase 3- Ouch! Something pricks!!

1) Chelsea losing the match to Manchester United is not a valid reason for breaking off a date.

2)He did not notice my new nail colour. That means something is definitely wrong. He's seeing someone else!!!!

3)He turned up for a date in shorts and sweatshirt and bathroom slippers and I dress up only for 4 hours non-stop. And he didn't even compliment me.

4)I cry. For hours. For days. He should let me cry and comfort me in a better way instead of saying "Arre yaar rona bandh kar abhi".

5)He doesn't meet my eyes when I ask him if he loves me,and then if he really loves me, and then if he really really really loves me. He tells me that he loves me only 10 times a day.

6)He pulled out a chair for me, and I fell flat on the floor. He was busy staring at a waiter. Maa da laadla bahut bigad gaya!!!

7)He took me only to the disc,movies,dinner,followed by a drive the other day.

And so on so forth. I told the 6 girls about this. We had a debate for 2 weeks over this matter. Then, I heard my friend's cousin's sister's friend's neighbour's dance class had a girl who knew him. A friend told my cousin, who told my sister, who told her friend, who told to one of our mutual friends, who told me, that he was taking up dancing classes and his dance partner was that girl. That was the last straw.

Phase 4- Withered away, my love....

I told him I was dumping him. We could still be friends. We meet daily and he makes a puppy face and sings...

Tauba tera jalwa, tauba tera pyaar....tera emosonal..atyachaar...

Tragedy....Tragedy....

Happy Birthday Dhuuu Nidhi

2009-02-04T00:11:00.000+05:30

The title's credit goes to Abhinav Bhatt. Dhuu to you, Abhinav.

It's my deer blogger friend Nidhi Mangal's bithday today. She rocks, she stones, she peebles. Typos are waht definse her. She's sweat, cuet, beautifool, lovelee. She is crazee about RD (Thank God, she doesn't make typos while righting his name!!)

I can right a book on Mangal. She has been assigned a zillion nicknames by us. She asks us to dhuuuu and goooo when she's peesed. But we don't gooooo. Instead, we dhuu her back.

Check out her gift from Abhinav, Bhawana, Peter and me and send her a message there and/or comment in this post, if you value your life. No pressure, btw :-D

Nidhi, we love you. We will always dhuu and \:D/ you. And dhuu, we will never stop that.