Counselors, advisers, guides, instructors, whatever you name them, are everywhere and mostly unwanted. You don't believe this ? Ask the person next to you, what he thinks about this blog or about you or even about the size of your PEaNUtS (what did you read it first as?).
There are three types of them,
1. Genuine ones
2. Not serious ones
3. Assholes
Got a career problem ? serious life decisions are on hold ? Go to your parents or true well-wishers, which doesn't include your gf btw, coz all she would suggest you is to marry her. So your family and only a few, which means 1, 2 or at max 3 of your best buddies would listen to you and if you are someone with more than 5 best friends, then I am LMAOing at you right now.The rest 2 of them don't exist in this Kalyug. Okay, so these genuine people would help you in putting your best foot forward or at least that's what is expected of them. They all fall in the first category.
Can't sleep ? take a pill ! It burns when you pee ?Well Drink more beer ! Don't feel hungry these days ? Ohh, check if you are pregnant or not :O Got split ends ? Chop your hair off. Running low on cash ? Shoplifting, that's the new 'thing' ! Feeling suicidal ? You could do much better with Ecstasy or Valium ! Bored of sex ? Change your sex or your sex-partner, turn gay or shemale ! Want thrill ? Slap a cop and spit on his face ! Don't like animals ? Well screw 'em, try humping a monkey ! Wanna get high ? Climb Everest ! Wanna experiment ? Put 10 Mentos fresh in a coke bottle and drink it ! wanna feel the heat ? Hug a pressure cooker while its on fire! Wanna get wild ? bite a snake! Got crush on your teacher ? Just propose her ! Got sibling rivalry ? Mix Jamal-Gota in their dinner a day before their board exams! Got a body scar? get the initials of your GF/BF as a tattoo. Wanna be a punk ? Get done with nipple piercing first ! A Snake bit your friend on his penis? Well, suck it ! Your boss is cranky ? Kidnap his daughter or rape his wife! Got Raped ? Chill, it's not like you'r pregnant! You are pregnant? well marry that Rajpal Yadav who proposed you in Engg days. You don't want to marry right now? Steal your bapuji ka paisa and run away from home. Failed in the exams ? get a duplicate report card. Got caught while stealing ? cry like you have a widowed mother and a blind sister!
Gahh! all these suggestions are unwanted and so obvious that they are, it's just your friend having fun at your misery.They are not serious ones. These ideas don't help coz you never take them seriously and if you are someone who has taken them seriously then, I so want to click your picture, hang it on my wall and laugh at it everyday !
When your baajuwala Uncle comes with a meethai ka dabba, just because his 'chotu' scored 95% in board exams and you scored 75 or 80 percent becoz you couldn't mug up like a parrot day and night, all he wants to show you and your family that he has a brighter kid. He'll suggest you to aim for B or C grade colleges in any field, but don't listen to him, he himself did not study at Harvard neither will his 'tota beta'.
Your Bf is a loser !
Hmm, you are right ! can you drop me home, it's getting late? Yeah I would, but it's getting late for me too.
Okay, you have 200 bucks? I don't carry cash much, I will get a taxi and go home safe.
Gee ! I have 5 bucks, catch a bus !
ohh ! and you think my Bf is a loser ? Ass !
You aren't made for this profession even if it's your hobbie, you aren't good at it, just change it !!
Hmm, So what should I do ?
I don't know, you are good with pipes, become a Plumer !
It's PlumBer ! and you thought I should be changing my job. Sicko!
All these Really unwanted Counselors have a stinking mouth, just coz it doesn't cost them a penny, the day it starts costing them, they will keep their ass shut !!
You suggestions on this post ? Think Think ! You don't wanna be an asshole !
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