X'mas(t) Gifts !!

It's Christmas time, but don't expect any gifts out here. We are shitters not Santas. And if you want any gifts, you may please head across to Chitwan's or Harshita's blog, I'm sure they are related to Santa (Singh) in some claus(e) or the other. Punju and all.

Ok !! Now that I've thrown out Peter and Abhinav, the mean boys of SFT who have pulled your leg all year, you can heave a sigh of relief. It's Christmas, and I'm gonna make sure, that the end of the year doesn't mean the end of us i.e. you people breaking ties with us.

I'm gonna play Ms.Santa Claus, with an invisible paunch, dressed in pink (Sorry, red isn't my colour, really!) with a whole bag of goodies for all you bloggers who have put up with us for one whole year (and coming here to be made fun of! Guts you have,eh?)


1) Harshita- I would love to gift you with:
-a box of chill pills for the enormous tension you take throughout the year.
-an orkut profile: I know Facebook and Twitter are in, but really...you need to get desi and orkut sometime!

2) Amrita Roy- A huge teddy bear and kisses and hugs from all of us..She just loves any display of affection, doesn't she?

3) Amrita~Ams-First of all, welcome to Hyderabad (That was Peter welcoming you) I Would love to gift you with a dog. Leave that billi for some time please, now how about some jokes on lazy doggie?

4) Akansha-Now, she hardly blogs because her TIME is invested in CAT. Now, CAT bhai log, please throw her in those prestigious IIMs so that she can do a Chetan Bhagat (Hey, play safe Akansha :D)

5) Shruti-How about giving you some lessons in Photoshop? You needn't upload new pics everyday then! You can only edit your old pics and change the background and ishtyle every week :P

6) Dhanya- I gifted her smileys, gossip, my junior in college, gossip, scrabble wins, gossip, and you still want a gift for X'mas? Selfish girl!

7) Shaunak-Lets just not give him anything. He has the right 'build' to play Santa :P Let me just give him an autograph by Chetan Bhagat. I'm sure that is one thing he would die for!

8) Chitwan- I don't need more competition in the form of another lawyer, so how about gifting you with a dance academy of your own. Let the judges dance to my tunes, dude.

9) Nidzzi-Madam is off to learn Spanish, but with those typos, anyone would think she's talking Spanish when she types English :D. Let's gift you with a spell check software especially designed for you..and helps us in understanding you :P

10) Peter-Bad boy number 1. After post-bashing almost every blogger in blogsville, you think you deserve a gift? Come to think about it, despite post-bashing every blogger, he still remains one of our most eligible bachelors. Blogsville surely is weird. Now all those line maars isn't a gift, then what is?

11) Abhinav-Bad boy number 2. Endless his posts are about how he tried to understand the fairer sex (Refer his old posts, now our boy has grown up and given up) I gift you with tuitions classes (taken by yours truly) for teaching you the art of understanding girls. It's not that difficult. You just have to nod and say 'yeah' to whatever we say!

Merry X'mas bloggers and may you keep dragging your mouses here :)

Is this BRB for TRP ?

13th Dec 2009, 10.00 P.M

"I started this blog 1 year ago and made wonderful friends, shared emotions, laughed out loud, cried at times, increased my G.K., Decreased my Sense of humor, enhanced my writing skills and the most important of all, wasted my Precious time. But now I have realized, world is more than just 'www.blogspot.com'. I want to move on, give my career a new meaning (I don't know if that itself has any meaning), see the world, fly in the open sky like a bird, introspect, then correct myself. Hence this would be my last post ever.

P.S: will miss all of you

By XYZ.

Comments :

1. A : Whatttttttttttt :O you will not blog again.OMG i have tears in my eyes. Will miss you for sure, I remember the awesome fun we had :(( Please think again and blog once in a while.

**A thinks** ... Shit Man !! She was the only one who used to comment regularly on my blog, now what? I will have to get a new Bakri !

**XYZ thinks**... was it a shocker ? dude I get more comments in one post than what you have in all your posts combined and you are blogging since 2 years. Loser !!

2. B : Awwwww ..best of luck dear with your life, will surely miss you here, but hell with that, we are together on FB,Orkut,Twitter,Hi5,Friendster, Gmail. So It's okay !! *hugs*, *kisses*

**B thinks** ...waise bhi you were not blogging much these days aur main kaun sa tera poor post padhta hun kabhi, direct title and P.S aur uppar k ek do comment padh k comment marta hun. Mainu ki farak painda hai :P ?

**XYZ Thinks**... Saale, I know you will miss me, the undisputed Pervert of all time you are !!.

I don't even remember a single Status message, album pic, quiz results where you haven't commented. I made Hi5 in 2005 and uploaded the pics..and you comment in 2009. ssup with you? Gee ! may you get HIV :P

3. C : I have nothing to say, other than best of luck with your life, may you get all the happiness you deserve

**C thinks**.. I have commented so many times on her blog but she never commented on mine,sent a Friend request on all the friendship sites possible and she rejected all of them. She looks hot,she should have stayed man !! at least I get to see her Blogspot DP once in a while.

**XYZ thinks** Who is this bugger ?

.

.

.

.

100 (senti) comments.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

14th Dec 2009, 10.00 P.M

" I realized what my strength is, I saw who my real time friends are, I saw it all. If I leave today, I will enjoy today, enjoy tomorrow, enjoy for a month may be, then I will suffer, the Pain will insinuate in the worst possible manner and the ville will cry out for me. So why let it cry after a month. I will stick around here, may be I will take a small break, a break that would be larger than the time elapsed between Atal Bihari Vajpayee's two consecutive verbal words and smaller than how it feels like Watching Ram Gopal Verma ki AAG. Okay let's make it simple, I will take a Kit-Kat wala break.

I love you all.

Comments:

1. A : YAY ! you are back. Welcome back.

**A thinks**... I Knew it already.

**XYZ thinks**... Dude every time you guys fall for it. Dumbos !

2. B : Man I can't believe,So happy I am. Welcome back :)

**A thinks**... I knew it already, this is like 12th time in just one year.

**XYZ thinks**... This is guy worships me, *grins*.

3. C : Hey you are back again ? Wow ! welcome anyways :)

**C thinks**... I knew it already, she is addicted, I mean who would leave a blog with so many followers. I will probably take two janams to get that many number of followers.

**XYZ thinks**... what does he mean by "again" ? next time, I'ma start a new Drama :P

.

.

.

.

.

100 (happy) comments..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, you might have grasped till now what this post about, if not, try Dabur Shankhpushpi or Satmola for better kidneys. Well, we care for our readers so here's the conclusive summary. It's about the people who go bang bang bang on their blogs, suddenly post a goodbye blog post and go missing (absent for few days). Unfortunately, they come back again. What **it is this? Some TRP (readership) grabbing stunt? Some pregnancy break? or a case of an MBA going to commit suicide but coming to complete the assignment? OK last line didn't matter. If we wanted we could have given some very bright examples but... we won't..! You needn't do the same. If you think you have your 15 minutes of fame then Just Leave it's gonna be okay! Le..le..le.. Just Leave!

Thanks!

1 Year Younger

When the Shit finally began.

Ever wondered why Shit for Tat was formed? Ever bothered to ask us why did we took this drastic measure of forming this toilet in blogsville and welcomed one and all in (sh) it? Ever abused us after falling flat and hurting your bum from rolling on the floor with laughter after reading our posts? Ever thought of how much it takes to get one post rolling on the toilet seat? Do you know how many posts are flushed out each and every day because it is not shitty enough?

Ever knew that we shitters have grown from 4 to 5 and then to 4 again then 5 again and lastly 4 again?

Ever knew that Abhinav gets the deepest dimples among 4 of us?

Ever knew that Peter is the brain behind the name behind the blog?

Ever knew that Shruti is was our 5th member?

Ever knew that Shruti has an obsession with changing her FB/Gtalk-surprisingly not orkut- display picture twice a day?

Ever knew that Nidhi’s typos inspired us to make more typos that in turn helped us to write some of the actual posts?

Ever knew that Mads is straight, despite the fact that she hits on Nidhi, Harshita, Dhanya, Akansha all the time?

Ever knew that Harshita is the secret shitter who nags us to keep posting? Akansha has helped writing one post too!

And…did you know…That it’s Shit for Tat’s first birthday today? }:-) But since its a toilet after all, so we have added jamalghota (who cares what do you call this in English) so you will have to visit the blog this week regularly because it's going to be raining posts!

Yippy party time!!!

As we invite you to the birthday party, we shitters welcome any questions you ever had in your mind to ask to any of the mothers and fathers of the baby. Just don’t ask Nidhi for a date, sorry she’s already taken.

By: Mads (who was reportedly seen in Mumbai with her In-Laws (INternships-Law))

Rated R : The Survey

So, if your neck and eyes are working perfectly fine (after the last post), we Shiters are back again with a treat for your eyes. We are approaching a milestone (which will be discussed after a few days) so we decided to present a small treat to our thousands of beloved fans. No, we are not giving small awards stolen from here and there, in fact we conducted a small secret survey. This survey was done by a team of experts and it was done to rate the blogs based on the content. Now as this survey involves some objectionable content, so we are not discussing the basis too much.

Our team of experts have rated the blogs of our reader's and reader's reader's and reader's reader's reader's (and so on) on a scale of 5. The rating which usually in form of stars is not used here.

So the blogs with their ratings are given below. The readers may suggest more blogs and their suggestions will be rated in the next version of this rating series (provided we get apt sponsors for they next post based on this post):

1. http://harshitawriteslikethis.blogspot.com
   
   For writing for the better half of a man (all kinds)!
   
   
   
   


2. http://amrita1987.blogspot.com
   
   For a non-understandable About Me
   
   
   
   
   
3. http://powerdrunk7.blogspot.com
   
   For never using full names
   
   
   
   



4. http://thesolitarywriter.blogspot.com
   
   For using the tools to err..
   
   
   
   
   
   


5. http://www.chronicwriter.com/
   
   For Super Humor (:-o) abilities
   
   
   
   


6. http://escortinglifetodeath.blogspot.com
   
   Aise hi Kuchh kuchh rating..
   
   
   
   


7. http://y2aslog.blogspot.com
   
   For being not so sarcastic and quitting a job in times of recession






8. http://peter-blogvibes.blogspot.com
   
   For making readers beg for dictionary with those rap(e)-posts






9. http://madhuriaries.blogspot.com
   
   For sharing those Dad Jokes, BP Jokes and the ever popular MJs
   






10. http://drunkthought.blogspot.com
    
    For using own's blog for romantic purposes
    
    




11. http://yehhaitadka.blogspot.com
    
    For being politically correct
    
    




12. http://saying-private-yarn.blogspot.com
    
    For making sure that PJs will rule the Earth forever






13. http://loon-ardor.blogspot.com
    
    For sharing too many varieties of cats for no reason whatsoever
    
    




14. http://chitwanprabhakar.blogspot.com
    
    For writing dil se and not being a sardar from Punjab (and the pictures below, thats what we could grasp from a Junglee Billi's blog for your Billi prem)
    
    
    
    
    
    


15. http://candidreflection.blogspot.com
    
    For being absent from a long long time...
    
    
Tata Tea peeo aur Jaago re!

P.S : Thanks to Akansha and Harshita (alpha-beta-cally) for their contributions and if anyone's blog is hurt after reading this post then do let us know, we will think what (not) can be done. We will take matters into our own hands and will sincerely make some effort. But Please don't expect apologies, that's the only thing we are extremely bad at! Always remember, shit for tat!

Downside UP !

?thing damn whole the read you, nuts people you aren’t !! Man. Window this close please. Option an is there all at if, blog this abuse report. Time precious your Waste Don’t ,you telling am I Seriously. Work your do go. Blog yeh tumlog ho kyun he padhtey nahi pata, hai gaya ho dahi ka dimag mere k likh ulta.

? Kya aur, denge bol sorry toh laga bura agar, anyway it do will we, guessing am I, mode cynical the to back going again but, it take will readers how as, skeptical little a are we but style our in names blog familiar/famous the of some rape to want We names about talking now. Name the justifies it least at happy am I but, shit is blog this. Left humour in sense no is there and, airtels, vodafones, !deas any have don’t we useless so so we are how see.

!!struck fuck man. struck moon, struck night , struck light, struck exam, struck love, are nowadays SFTians . “:D” or “=))” this as happy as is no one but, interning, studying, dreaming, relaxing, are here People. Themselves of sick are they or do they jobs of the sick either are here bloggers the because. Think we what change would think you what that think don’t we that just it’s. think don’t we that think don’t , Now. Dead is fun the all but, here excitement create to enough thought we.

All for & once for ,Stupidism this finish to want we ,Satisfied not are we, enough is nothing but. Extent some to successful been have and Bloggers repel to try we. Visit your explain then? no? nuts guys you are. Members its & blog this with up is what see and time precious your waste to here come people you then and now every why, why, why ?

P.S :You know what to do. Neeche se uppar tak padho isse !

Diwali Wishes..

On behalf of Shit-For-tat, we wish u a very happy Diwali.
May the festival of lights be the harbinger of joy and prosperity. As the holy occasion of Diwali is here and the atmosphere is filled with the spirit of mirth and love, here's hoping this festival of beauty brings your way, bright sparkles of contentment, that stay with you through the days ahead.
Best wishes on Diwali.

This is NOT a Post

I knew it !
I knew it !
I knew that you will come, and try to see what I did (NOT) mean when I said it’s NOT a post. Now since you have come here, and have already realized that it’s a post which has nothing at all in it, in fact it’s a NO-POST (yes computer engineers can laugh) you can skip reading this and comment or else continue reading it and see what else is (NOT) here.

Speaking of what else is (NOT) here, well we don’t have any comments on Obama’s Nobel Prize for ‘PISS’, we don’t have any plans to ‘wake up any kid’ we are not talking about how reality shows suck, We won’t even discuss how bad the Champions league is. We won’t discuss a lot of other things like, how the Big Bang theory was bang on, how Hydrogen and Oxygen mixed on the surface of moon. We will also not discuss about how this Friday Main and Mrs. Khanna will try to avoid watching a BLUE film. So all in all we will make sure that we do NOT talk about all the things which are NOT important for us.



Let’s also NOT talk about bloggers and blogville, Let’s NOT talk about how this NO –POST sucks, and how SFTians do (NOT) have any ideas for any post. Let’s also not talk about why and how Shruti Nair has (NOT) contributed so far for this blog that obviously means, NOT talking about why she is here in the first place & what she did (NOT) find great about the bloggers of SFT. Let’s not talk about Chriz’s (NOT) so funny jokes and Abhinav’s, (UN)intentional sarcastic comments, let’s also (NOT) focus on Stephan’s (NON) Promotional events & let’s also (NOT) discuss about Mads’s (NON) escalatrophobia, Nidhi’s (un)known Blog’s URL, Dhanya’s new smiley tuition sessions with Mads. We also should ignore the fact that I am (NOT) having writer’s block hence I am (NOT) writing non-sense posts, and My (non)prediction that Harshita won't hate U.K. Let’s also forget about how bloggers are (NOT) better chat entertainers than old school/college friends. How we should (NOT) hate Facebook’s stupid predictions and orkut’s boring applications. Let’s (NOT) concentrate on Bhawana’s chanting Mantras.

Please do (NOT) read this blog from next time onwards too, please do (NOT) think that rest all the bloggers in this Blog are equally insane. Please (DON’T) leave without leaving a comment after reading the posts here in English, like a true Indian. Please Do (NOT) learn something from our Noodle buddies.

I know you have (NOT) enjoyed this post and it's (NOT) like what you thought it would be, I know it’s (NOT) a great post to waste someone’s (NOT) so precious time like this. If you have any complains or feedbacks regarding this post, Please do (NOT) hesitate to give us, We anyway do (NOT) care for you and your feedbacks are always (NOT) appreciated.

I am (NOT) glad that you have read it and I am (NOT) thinking that you will write a comment, a (NOT) nice one at least. I am (NOT) waiting for your comments.

This is NOT a P.S – Please do (NOT) write a comment like this ; “ This is not a comment”. Because you have No right to steal my (NOT) so original concept.

Not a good-bye and I don’t love anyone !

NOT by PETER !

*************This is NOT THE END*************

Why Japanese Love Shit 4 Tat?

Facts are facts. How many followers here have got comments from the land of the rising sun, the land of electronic gadgets, the land of earthquakes, the land of identical people? None of you.

http://shitfortat.blogspot.com/2009/07/hey-whats-your-name-basanti.html is a post of ours which has become super popular in aamchi Tokyo, sadda Japan, aapno Nippon...!

But since we are a bunch of super busy people, we cannot reply to those comments. Instead we ask you people to do us a favor:

1. Select a comment of your choice.
2. Go to http://www.translate.google.com/?hl=en
3. Select Japanese to English Translation (You may choose Japanese to Hindi if you think you missed out Hindi diwas on 14th September.)
4. Copy paste the comment and reply back with its actual meaning.

We are doing the first comment for an example:

It says "女性会員様増加につき、当サイトの出張ホストが不足中です。女性の自宅やホテルに出向き、欲望を満たすお手伝いをしてくれる男性アルバイトをただいま募集していますので、興味のある方はTOPページから無料登録をお願いいたします"

And it means something of the order of this "Increase in female membership per person is taking a business trip out of the host site. Women visited the home or hotel, so we are seeking part-time job can get you the help you meet the man who desires, who are interested to register for free thank you from the page TOP".

Thanks...

Post over!

Sayonara Dewa Mata!

Jai Hind

Jaago Re

If you thought S4T was suspended because of any flu, if you thought that all its members had gone to teerth yaatras separately, if you thought that the members have become too much serious in life about studies and career, you are wrong. Yes, we’re back. Sorry for not posting things regularly but you know, kaam ka pressure, biwi bachho ki tension. Huh!

Well, this post is about 2 things. One being an inclusion of a new member in S4T, whose name will be revealed when this post ends and the other being the post itself.

Shh.. the post now, enough of bakwas!

This post is about the things one do when he/she/you hasn’t slept enough. Here goes the list:

1. When alarm rings, you keep on pressing buttons of all the other things than the alarm itself
2. You use shaving cream instead of toothpaste.
3. You wear your undergarments inside out.
4. You mess up with the buttons in your shirt.
5. You try to insert left shoe into right leg and vice versa
6. Ready for college/office? Hey, check the zip of your pant mister/miss. You have left the post office box open!
7. You clean up somebody else’s vehicle instead of yours. (Ok, don’t say you’ve seen the Sleepwell ad, of course the post is inspired from that)
8. You type your password in the user id text field.
9. You dial for someone and end up calling someone else.
10. You keep on mumbling non-understandable things.
11. You enter the wrong toilet. (Or was it intentional?)
12. Every flat, rectangular thing resembles a bed to you.
13. You try to keep your eyes open in a meeting/lecture but the weight of the eye lids becomes so heavy that you try to think of absurd things to keep yourself awake. E.g.: You try to count the number of stripes in the boss’s / teacher’s shirt, you try to recount the number of ‘corn’ sites you should’ve never visited, you try to count what comes after +32767, -32768 or 0?

That’s it folks, now what are your experiences? Please share with us through the comments:

Introducing a new member of Shit For tat: Shruti Nair (http://candidreflection.blogspot.com). She paid a hefty amount of $ 5000 to each of the existing members. If you want to be a part of this blog, send your cheques and DD to the author. Hehe, just kidding, Shruti will be posting a dhinchak new post soon.

So welcome to the toil-et, Shruti ! Happy shiting!

Stay tuned and keep the comments about sleepy heads on…

----

Updated later:

we would like to thank our friends 倶楽部, プロフ公開, 素人, デリバリーホスト, 出張ホスト and 家出 for their precious comments on our last few posts... We love you guys!

How "wierd" can you get??

I can’t believe that I am doing this tag. But, it seems an interesting one. 7 weird things about yourself. mmmm there are so many that I find weird about myself and wonder if other people feel the same. Or is it only me who feels differently about something.

First- My ears become hyper active in morning. When people speak normally also, they sound to me like they are screaming. I have bad times when I am home, cause my mom and my sis wakes me up most of the day.

Secondly, I can’t tolerate the background music of old Hindi movies. It irritates me. esp. I hate when the same scene is shown from 4 - 5 different angels. Bloody hell, they waste their time and mine too!!! Even in saas-bahu and other hindi serials, they show the reaction of each and every member of the serial, followed by special effect of broken glass scene. Hello bhai, power point presentation nahi chal raha!!

Point number three- Yes sir! - (I hate taking notes) Any ways.. I need different temperature of water for head and rest of the body. For head, I can't take a lot of hot water.Fourthly – I feel uncomfortable about the idea of getting my hair shampooed in parlour for the fear that the water will go inside my ear. No matter how professional they are, it does go inside ear. Adding cotton to ear too doesn’t help.

Panchwa Bindu (point) worth paanch lakh – I apply nail paint to grow my nail or else i bite them off. Bad habit I know :P

Sixthly :D I sleep with blanket no matter how hot it is.

and lastly I can wake up in the morning when I hear bird chripping. I love that sound

What about you??

P.S- Have you noticed, whenever people have to type the word 'weird', in most cases, they type it as 'wierd'. Isn't that weird? :P

Hey, what's your name Basanti?

So, sisters and their brothers, after celebrating birthdays of 2 of our Shiters, we are back!

With Harry Potter hanging around to show some jaadoo—mantar and some adolescence romance, some of us were discussing about the ill effects of watching the Hollywood movies in Hindi. No problem with Hindi dubbing but more than often they result in non-digestable translation with makes us Shite here. So we do Shit-For-Tat. Take HP for example, its Hindi dubbed version totally does a big ant-shant majaak with the names . For example, Gryffindor becomes Garudwar, Moaning Myrtle becomes Mayoos Meena for no reason whatsoever and so on.

Take a look at these names:

Harry Potter and the

• Sorcerers's stone - Parasmani (Koi Nargaj ki movie hai kya?)
• Chamber of secrets - Rahasmayi tehkhana (Directed by the Ramsay Bros not the Warner Bros.)
• Goblet of fire- Aag ka pyala (Sahi jawaaab!)

Hindi dubbing is good for the larger part of our country but why play with the names. When Mask’s cartoon version used to be aired on Cartoon Network, Stanley Ipkiss turned to Sachin Submis and his dog Milo turned to Billu. WTF?

So we decided to find out some names which can cause some digestive upheavel in your tummies as well. Presenting some of the movies' names which were brutally dubbed for the aam junta even when aam junta was happy with normal names.

• The Matrix: Mayajaal (Now when your teacher asks you to find the transpose of a mayajaal, he/she means transposing the matrix!)
• Pirates of Caribbean- Samunder ke lootere (gud man, you can translate!)
• Gladiator- Vijeta (Achha? Glad means happy na. If Vijay bole toh Amitabh Bachhan worked in Vijeta then he will say, "Glad toh bahut honge tum aaj haain!")
• Ghost rider – Mahakaal (Why not Bhoot-Chaalak?)
• Dunston checks in – Ek Bandar hotel ke andar (No comments!)
• Night at museum – Museum ke undar fans gayaa sikander (There was no Sikander in the movie, tha kya?)
• Lack placid- Magarmachch (hehe, the whole suspense got thrashed...)
• War of the worlds- Grahon ka Mahayuddh (Sahi hai.. beedu!!)
• Mr. & Mrs. Smith- Mr. & Mrs. Sharma (A seriously WTF OMG WTF event!)
• Star wars- Attack of the clones- Humshaklon ka hamla (yeh bhi sahi jawaab.. 2 hazaar jeette hain aap!)
• I am legend- Jindaa hoon mein (hehe another spoiler name!)
• Verticle Limit- Mrityushikhar (sahi again!)

And the examples go on and on and on.. Researching on this topic led us to a site which told us this, "the Hindi version of Speed-I had Keanu Reaves saying “Hey Bhagwaan” in the lift whereas the actual movie has him saying “Oh F[asterisk]CK”."

Thanks god, they did not converted T_rex in hindi, "Bhaago bhaago, chipkali ka nana humaaree or aaraha hai! daanasur daansasur.. Daanaasur!"

What is the name of latest HP movie? Aadha khooni raajkumar?

Bhatt Abhi/Y2A, It's your Happy-DAY :)

24 years ago from today, A King was born, The Sarcasm King. However the title awarded to him, came years after he made his presence felt, through a blog named 'A-Shit-For-Tat' (don't click on the name in case you are not an idiot).He is not only sarcastic, he is slapstick too, and of course he is raunchy, goofy and quick witted but, CAUTION : he is an Engineer. On this holy occasion, let's give his own dose, i.e Laughter. Here are some of his own-made-punch-liners/fundas/laws. Which you might have just missed some how.

King's FUNDAS

1. [Asterix] that: It's like hiding your main (body) part by using undies. He never uses the four letter word. He uses Pluck/chuck/muck/duck instead of that. Never even abuses in hindi. He would rather write the slang and also mention which category that belongs to, from 'the parts of Speech', as in if the slang is a verb or adjective or Noun. For example 'F[Verb; Asterix]k that', 'B[Adjective; Asterix]d' or Abe 'C[Adjective, Asterix]y'. Our King is more docile than 'Anil Kapoor' from the movie 'Ishwar'. He says 'Teri maa ki' as 'Teri Monkey'

2. Oblique People: That means Gay/Lesbian People. According to him "anything that is not straight is Oblique."

3. Never Judge a book by its movie: It means as simple as it sounds.

4. How to attract a woman towards you: The [Link] is here.

5. 'Obama ki Ma'ccain: Read the first Funda to solve this crux.

King's *HIT LIST

1. Ramalingam Raju: He is not alone for that matter, there are thousands of other people like him, But still he made this[Link] and this [link]

2. Lahman Brothers: Beacuse of Recession Fucktors obviously.


King's FUNNY-ONE-LINERS

1. I Like Kids, I like them so much that I can eat them.

2. Long working hours, erratic schedules and frequent transfers don't always make IT a dream destination for fresh women graduates. But it pays to have the fairer sex on board.

3. Raju Raju? Yes papa! Eating money? No papa! Telling lies? No papa? Open your balance sheets? Ha ha ha.

4. Before I start to write some lines,I check the calendar, aaila! It’s Valentine!

5. Banglore Royal Challengers - jeetenge Hum shaan se - Ab shaan jaise singers agar cricket khelne lage toh koi bachha hi jeet jaaye.

6. Oye hoye hoye
oye hoye hoye
oye hoye hoye
Public gaali deve,SRK samjha leve,Don’t become bloody fool.
Lalitiya hai vyapaari,Chale hai pardes // dhoww dhoww,Franchisee khush toh hove,Fir kaahe bloody fool.

7. I can say that I first watched Vidya Balan in Hum Paanch. She looked older those days as well.

8. I am not going, don't Bush me.

9. I will take light Years to reply, (don't tell me that light years is not a unit of time)

10. Last to last month he wrote, "MAY, aa gaya, MAY aa gaya Ma."

11.My janam kundali suggested that my name should start with ‘Y’ for example: ‘Yudhishthir’, 'Y2A' can also be expanded a“Yours Troooly Abhinav”
.
.
.
.

The memory space of blogspot would be full, Bhatt his one - liners won't cease to make you laugh (I don't know if I make sense).
Happy birthday Abhinav a.k.a Y2A may you live you forever and remain Joxy (that has nothing to do with Jockey, btw).

Lets start the day with you Y2A, just Pop-up a bottle of champagne and be gay,
May you remain forever joxy, may you get a girl bery bery sexy.
You are the King Bhatt,Bhatt I see you are still a wanted,
The funny Jackpot you are, Your blog is phun granted.
Many many Happy returns of the day, just kick all the sorrows away :)

P.S : Though He is just more than being a funny guy, but can you beat his sense of humor by wishing him in a funny style ?

THE TRING TONES !

It makes you a geek, shows your personality, sets your mood(s), portrays you as a punk, sometimes freaks you, sometimes irritates you, sometimes brings a smile and all the time causes an alert. Overall a massive role player in your life despite of being just a repetitive assembly of musical codes. Yes I am talking about ringtones, singtones and caller tunes.Letz dissect some common types.

THE DADAJI-TONES: Simplest of all, soft, beeps regularly after ever two seconds in such a way that you start believing that it's not ringing anymore, whenever it takes a break of two seconds, but it surprises you every time. There are devotional tones too, like 'Gayatri mantra', 'Sai Ram' or 'arey re meri jaan hai radha' or similar types, you can keep them as your alarm tones, if you want to get up early morning, all charged up. I am sure Bhawana has plenty of them :P

THE GIRLIE-TONES: Yea, baby ! I am talking about baby tones. Girls find it 'Awwwww-some’, 'cutiee', 'kuchoo','puchooo','nonu','sonu' and what not. Baby laughs, or a baby singing this particular rhyme is 'oh-so-famous' ; "you aal my honey bunz, shuuugar plum, pumpie, umpie, umpkin, you aal my shweetie pie". When these celphones ring in a public place, some guys (like me) raise their left eyebrows to the maximum level possible and give 'wtf is wrong with you, jeez! Grow up' kind of look.

THE WHACKO-TONES: It might give you a shiver down the spine if you are a heart patient, or you wet your pants in a roller coaster ride. 'a Devil laugh' (the scary one),a 'whooshh-whoosssh, ghost's voice',' a cracking glass sound', or a 'motorbike accelerating' can freak you out sometimes, if you happen to be in your deepest slumber, and someone calls you up just for that vengeance sake, that you freaked him out during the day time. So never ever keep these stupid ring tones.

THE CATTLE INSTINCT-TONES: A dog barking, a lion roaring, a kitty meowwwing or the birds chirping are some of those tones which you might ignore unintentionally coz you do not realize soon enough that your celphone is actually ringing and your boss is calling you up to spank your butt. So when you see 10 missed calls from your boss you either give all maa bahen gaalis to your mobile or to that bechara dog who even warned you.

THE MONOLOUGE-TONES: "Arey ohh Sambha kitney aadmi the?" kind of ring tones are there too, in case you are bored and you have a memory card of 1GB full with these ring tones you can do time pass with them. Some of the famous raped versions that I have heard and hate are:

1."Daan ka intezar toh 11 mulkon ki Police kar rahi hai, par daan toh sala shana hai, pakad mein he nahi ata, huuuhahahahahaha."

2." Ab tera kya hoga Kaliya? sardar mainey apka namak khaya hai, sale namak-haram, cheap category, tu daaku nahi chor hai."

3."Dekho yeh wahi tum tum ho yeh wahi main main hun, hum dono ek jagah se uthe the, par mere pas aaj bangla hai, gaadi hai, properties hai, bank balance hai,tumhare Pas kya hai?.......Can you repeat the question?"

THE CHEAP-TONES: Laloo Yadav's Preaching or Atal Bihari Vajpayee's silent words cannot be kept as ring tones, IMFAO. Of course someone mimics it and makes it funny but it carries a bad impression if you keep it as your ring tone. However there are certain worst kinds like a cheap comedian from some laughter comedy circus, crack up some shit worse than digesting a mangled animal’s carcass. ahhooo it rhymes !! Yes I am talking about 'Pehchaan Kaun' ringtone, which goes like this:

"Pehchaan kaun? (dhol beats) Shama bhi nahi, (dhol beats), Jannie bhi nahi (dhol beats), Julie bol rahi hun (dhol beats) hatttt (dhol beats), Kutta."

Other than these ring tones, farting sounds (of various kinds), kissing sounds (not Tarkan Simarik one) or 'aahhnn uhnnn and other similar sex sounds' are present.

THE CALLER-TUNES: Vodafone calls up and makes me hear Mr. Sharma ka caller tune which goes like "Main ban ka panchi" and MR. Verma ka caller tune which goes like "Desi gal" and asks me to be either of the '--rmas'. I had one 'april fool' caller tune in which a girl picks up the call and says hello hello, till the time you start believing that either you are lucky or she is dumb or both. Currently I have 'Euro cup Special' caller tune. However I so want to have 'Nayan Tarse'.

MY KIND OF-TONES: Mostly singtones, pop, rap, rock, R&B, soft, hindi, english. Every decent but interesting types are my sms tones and ringtones(yes I keep changing it). Doesn't matter if it's loud or fast, I should like it. Yes from airtel's whistle-sound to titanic's soothing instrumental sound, I like it all. My SMS tone right now is 'Tokyo Drift' and ring tone is 'Bacardi Blast'


P.S I haven't included Regional-tones intentionally, don't think i forgot that category:P

P.P.S : while commenting also write down which kind of Caller tune, SMS tones & Ring tones you have or you like.

IT's the Peter-Day!!!! \:D/

An exclusive performance for someone very very special (VVS Laxman nahi, bewakufo!!) by the shiters...Mads on the mike (gale mei khich khich..lagao feviquick tha kya??), Nidzzi on the drums, and Y2A, our lead guitarist \:D/

Tum ho to, shit for tat bhi hai...
Tum nahi...to shit bhi nahi...
Tum ho to..hai fun hasil...
Tum nahi, toh kya fun yahan...
Tum ho toh hai, face mei hamesha...
Ek smiley saaaaaaa....

Jo tum ho toh, yeh lagta hai,
Ki mil gayi, naye post ke topics,
Jo tum na ho, yeh lagta hai,
Ki online hi kyu aa gaye?
Peter ke bina,
Blog vibes hi kahannnnnnnnnnn?

Oh ho oh ho oh ho ho ho ohh……
Oh ho oh ho oh ho ho ho ohh……
Oh ho oh ho oh ho ho ho ohh……

Tum ho toh, chandler hi hai (chandler hi hai)
Tum nahin, (tum nahin) toh haste kaha??
Tum ho toh, (tum ho toh) live eninem rap hai
Tum nahin, toh soap discussions yahan....
Tum ho toh hai, har ek second meharban
Yeh jahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan....

The song's dedicated to the shitter, the raper, the singer, the engineer, the ladkiyon ka aadmi, the funny one, the smart ass, the dil se blogger, and mainly, the birthday boy !!!! Peter, this one's for you !!

Happy Birthday to you...Hope you have the best one today :-)

P.S- We always like to keep our shit unique, so here's what you gotta do to join the bash...Just dedicate a song to Peter while commenting \:D/

Bachpan's the ultimate fun!

When we look back at those snaps we laugh, through tears in our eyes. We smile looking at ourselves and our friends and we laugh.

Chotu look at you… you dress up like Govinda. orange Pant and blue shirt. LOL :D

Oh, and that long, knee touching skirt was my favorite!!! I wonder what made me feel it was the best on earth.

Remember the dark room game? We hid ourselves inside the blankets and Tinku couldn't find us till dusk.

When we look back, when we were kids,we always had some or the other game to play. Some well known, and some, newly discovered by us. Some amended with new rules and we said, I'm the boss, I won the last match.I'll decided who will play first or else I'm not playing [-(

No matter how late it is after tuition we used to play badminton till we managed to see the cock (And remember, how we felt like idiots when we found out the meaning of cock and then corrected every other kid by saying 'shuttle, bacche. Not cock. Lol :P)

Me and MY Chaddi pal Gitu

While waiting for bus in bus stand we used to have a quick game called Lock and key. I hate it because i was always locked (bad runner you see) and kept waiting for someone to help me escape. Now it makes me feel that the game should be rather called as Prison break :D

While playing hide and seek once I locked my sister in room and she kept thinking that no one found her till late.

Bachpan main once my bro locked my sister in the box room (the box room didn't have any ventilation) and bro ran somewhere else out of house, later when my mom opened the room she found my sister inside the room in tears and she almost fainted..My shaitan bro got royal scolding from my mom later.

Me and My sister

He once fired the blanket room by mistake. Later every one in the town was staring my house and we were the last one to realise that our bro has shown his karnama again.

We celebrated B’day for Gifts, We were most happy when our parents gave us money when we touched their feet to go to hostel.

Making castles in sand, doll games with our precious tea sets (No i will be the wife .. Okie I will be husband this time, happy??? )

Doctor doctor – lol. I was always the patient. :D and marbles game. Throwing one marbel upwards and gathering all the rest in the ground and not letting the on-air marbel fall on ground but catch it with other palm for next chance :)

High jumps through rubber bands, playing skipping till we lost breath was fun.
I can go on and on. And so can you, I bet :P

P.S. - As Mads had promised in her previous post, the title of the Class Actor goes to Shaunak and Stupidosaur jointly. Shaunak has got his shit in the right spot for the second time around, after winning our previous contest too !!

Please collect your prize

It's A Class Act !

I just hope, pray to the Lord above that none of my faculty members are reading this. Or none of the students who read this sneak off and show it to my faculty members.

It's actually alright. Anyway, my grades suck. Sigh.

What BP(my Bench Partner) and I do in class, during the entire 1 hour lecture....



First 5 mins go in attendance and giving each other missed calls, if the other hasn't come to class.
Then starts the boredom...

1) We take pics :D and then keep rotating the pics, changing the background. and of course, crib that we look dark, and our hair looks bad.

2) Discuss what to wear the next day to college.

3) Crib at least once in every lecture that boys suck.

4) Laugh at the people who sleep in a funny manner. If they are really funny, take pics of them too. I love the zoom option for that.

5) Look at what each person is wearing and appreciate/criticize it.

6) Listen to the faculty and maarofy sarcastic remarks.

7) Priceless one: call on each others cells and watch it vibrate.

8) Another priceless one: call on one cell and put our fingers on it and move along with the cell as it vibrates (We are BORED. That's what happens to bored people. Forgive us for living.)

9) Thanks to my guilty conscience, I take notes sometimes. BP goes off to sleep then(Why you taking down notes? *shakes head and goes to sleep and wakes up within seconds since she gets a sms :P *

10) Plan a dinner outing or movie. And mostly, implement the plans :D

11) Get hold of a newspaper and read our horoscopes and discuss about it. Then read the Elite Page 3 and discuss about the latest happenings(You know what? Freida Pinto and Dev Patel were caught kissing???? Followed by a "Hawww!! How do YOU know?" "Arre, read this article" The poor faculty drones on about Articles of Constitution, while we read newspaper articles).
Then, BP asks me to update her on the sports section, which I religiously do :D (What? India won? Against? Oh, Dhoni is cute! Oh Federer lost? (I clear my throat and change the topic quickly)

12) Play games on cells and on paper. Muhuhahaha. Name Place Animal Thing, any one?

13) The best of the lot. BP invented it. It's called Dub Dub Rate. It's simply checking your pulse for a minute. And write it down and compare who's is higher. The highest was, when BP and I got a giggling fit and we started the game, and BP scored 98 and I score 93. And once:
BP: I'm bored, Let's start checking our pulse.
Me: Yeah...(checking) Hey..(searching all over my hand) Hey, I can't find my pulse!
BP: Arre, class can't be that boring that you can't find your pulse.(laughs and starts hunting) Hey...(eyes widening) I can't find it too!!
Me: Eeeeeeks. I'm dead, BP!!!
BP: No...No...(frowning and starts hunting) There!! Found it...Can hardly feel it.... It's nearly gone (in a sincere tone)

14) We usually don't scribble on benches. I mean, just don't wanna do it, I guess. We type a sms and show the cell to the other, in case we sense that someone is overhearing us, or we want to bitch about someone sitting nearby :D

15) Immediately after inventing the Dub Dub Rate game, she invented a Yawn game. Simply count how many times we yawn. She won 15, my score was simply a 5. Insomniac re. Even classes don't put me off to sleep, dammit. We also played checking the pulse rate near the throat, but that was too obvious, and our fellow back benchers and the faculty were giving us WTF looks....

Any additions to this list? Or did we just motivate you into surviving your next class? Drop a comment ;-)
The best addition to this list will get The Title of the Class Actor....

IPL RAP(E) !!

It's IPL time,
And we shit-ers, Peminem, Y2A Sean and Mads Cents present before you a rap(e) for which we won't charge a dime!



Yo, I pee in your Land,
I field in your Sand,
I didn't want it at the end of the day to be it at SA,
Its not about SA or India,waise
All everyone wanted was thode, bahut paise!

I'm an Indian, I don't want a blow,
I had enough of election's peep show,
Enough to make Modi lose control,

I ain't a jackass politician, nor a leader,
I'm just a normal guy drooling over a hot cheerleader,

I dun own the knights,
I dun fear from fights,
Da Basanti's dance with me, they dance for me,
I take in the sight, with lots of glee,

Even the umpires have a hit on them,
Each time, they score, wham bam, thank you Ma'm,
They start dancing on every hit,
Dance like they got, them fits,

The Knights don't last into the night,
They cannot give in any match a fight,
A Fake IPL Player, a fake male called SRgay,
A Skipper who can't just play,
A coach who teaches his laptop to bowl n bat,
They get laid, at the bottom, flat.

The Mumbai Indians aala re,
Oh oh, par Sachin gaya re,
They fall down,immediately,crumble,
Bowl wides, expecting the opposition to tumble,
The young all-rounders, Bravo and Nayar,
Have their asses always on fire.

Shilpa Shetty's hit movies is equal to,
Da number of wins for her boys,which are few,
Last year's top dogs, they were,
Now, they can only manage to purr,
Warne's new bowler's action is under threat
Wonder if plan 2354235 of Warne is all set,

The Royal Challengers,are back,
They got Uthappa in exchange of Zak,
Despite Dravid and Kevin going home early,
And they are winning finally,
It's a surprise Virat takes any catches,
When we see him looking, all da time, at himself in his
glasses.

The Singh who's King of all chicks,
Lost a match recently, despite his hattrick,
Preity who still plays hug hug with all the mates,
And Ness got it, from his ex date,
Sreesanth's injured, but pappu still dances,for free,
At a party,he nearly played slap gate,with KP,

The Dhakkan Chargers sweeping the floor last time,
Have made losing seem, a huge crime,
Uncle Gilly, who's making captaincy seem silly,
Kicking out Laxman didn't help their fielding,mate,
Symonds out of the team, is it good or great?

The Daredevils dare to keep out Pigeon from the team,
And still, their win is not just a dream,
Gauti and Fatty are the dream opening pair,
And they always get out simultaneously with a pair,
Dick Nannes, fucks all his name-alikes,
Nehra, who's bowling is enough, to psych.

Chennai Super Kings have Hayden at the start,
And in the middle, hiccups and a lot of farts,
His Padmashri award, Dhoni's busy cleaning,
An early return home, his team's planning,
The balls go above Parthiv Patel,
Wonder if Gony wants a career in selling Bhel?

The leaders, the teams who got there just to win,
Have to fight with their own kin,
Pathan v. Pathan,or Hussey v. Hussey,
Fuck every pussy, without making any fussy,
Cannot afford to pee in their pant,
Or listen to the media's rant.
May the best team win it all,
The money's for them, to have a ball.

Suprizzzze \:D/ \:D/ \:D/

Folks this is RAHUL SHARAD DRAVID, I play cricket for Indian team and have made 10823 test runs and 10585 runs in ODI. I was born on 11th Jan 1973 and after 16 years, 3 months and 3 days, there was a girl born. She loved me, she adored me, she worshiped me. I think today i am a famous person just because of her. People call me 'Wall' coz perhaps she wanted them to call me so. I was called Jammy coz perhaps She liked JAM too. Her email ID tells how madly this gal was in love with me.

I am a married man now and I regret it, coz i have come to know about her, when i already have a kid and when My wife is expecting the second one too. I could have married a Rahul fanatic & that would have made me a lot happier than facing 408787 balls and taking 377 catches in the international cricket. She believes that I am her True man coz I am soft spoken, gentle, kind, reliable and adorable. I think she is my true lady coz she loves cricketers like me (Vijeta reading?), She has the team spirit (Indian team readintg ?) she is fun (my kids reading ?), she is pretty (other Rahul fanatics reading ?).

It takes a lot from within and a lot from outside for a former Indian Skipper to come public and talk about his fan, but it's a lot simpler game the other way round. But one should get what one deserves, so with the help of a few of her blogger mates, I am going to declare that this girl's craziness has finally paid off and all you Dravid fans can add me up, my email id is 'ilovemadhuriiyer@gmail.com'

Now all you readers must have guessed it by now that I am talking about MADS a.k.a MADHURI IYER and yes the reason is, that it's her b'day today. So I swear by all those 970 boundaries that i have hit in international cricket that this gal deserves more, even more than my speech and the reason this speech was not funny is because it's by me. I don't crack jokes, it's not my nature.

By the way I have forced all the owners of this blog to change the color to 'Pink' coz she loves it, Peter was reluctant par Abhinav ne dil pe patthar rakh k isssey change kiya hai. Then we ordered a pink cake,and a pink card, again the boys were reluctant but they had to obey my order. Rest both the gals (Bhawana and Nidhi) seem pretty cool by the idea. Now I am really confused with my gift, so I have decided that I will gift her all the possible emotions from my side.

:) -be happy when you remember me..

:D - Grin when you see my pics.

:"> - blush when you see this post

>:D< - hug when you see my posters.

 ;) - wink when you see me. 

:X - get love struck every time with me.

 8-> - Daydream when you think of me.

=)) - roll on the floor laughing when I crack a joke.

\:D/ -dance when you are thinking of making a chance.

=; - Hi5 me on everything possible.

:-h - Now say goodbye. I have to go.

PROB-LAMES

Look around and you will find tension over people's head instead of those natural black/white/blond/Grey things made from dead cells. People have to ponder and take tension of every matter around and invite their PIA and DURA matters along in the brain pissing exercise.

Half of the world is busy fucking and the rest half is fucking busy.

But being a SFTian we have to ensure that we take it with a pinch of salt and a punch of chilled and hot chops. We are turning the wagon wheel and lets see what all silly and frustrating events come up. I am sure some are just lame and some are just not the same.

JOBS/RECESSION

Some people desperately want a BLOW, Some Desperately want a JOB and Some Despos just want both these things together.

Engineers (specially computer and IT) have a void at the end of each program they plan for and other engineers just have 0 error but countless warnings in their future plans. Someone told me that the best investment for now is to invest in higher studies. I say but what If i am done with my studying, do I go for a triple PhD ?

Anyways if you are an engg like me and don't have a job, then one suggestion for now, READING 'a-S-F-T' WILL NOT HELP :|


PALAK-6.0 -ROADIES DOWN UNDER !!

She has changed the meaning of 'USP' for any TV show.Made Roadies equivalent to hell, Now i am sure once roadies gets over and Rakhi Sawant is married, she is gonna replace her in all the crying ceremonies.

Check out the beauty of this sentence and better appreciate my lame creativity.

" How the Roadies can, a girl give Maa, bahen, beti galis 24x7 on a National TV".

I told u 'roadies' is now equivalent to 'hell'..duh !

She has this manly voice which I have heard in my horrifying dreams so many times, and when she gets happy i get depressed, When she laughs I cry, when she cries I laugh.

She has become the antonym of Joy for me . I have controlled myself from not breaking TV every nano-second of what i have seen her,and the reason is that i watch it in my hostel ka TV so can't really break it, I do My breathing exercise, Count till 10, take chill pills whenever I see her. I hate all the PALAKs in the world becoz of that 'BEEP'.


ORKUT sCRAP

One morning I got up and saw some 1300 scraps missing, then i asked some people, they had lost 2000 scraps. some lost 3000 scraps, and some people became a complete 'SCRAP-VIRGIN' once again.

Then like a true 007 Fanatic, i investigated every single tiny finger profile possible, and came to know from scrutinizing Orkut's blog that, It has now removed all the scraps sent by the people who are no longer in your list or have, deleted their account and all the link wale scraps are now considered as SPAM. so UNSPAM them and get those few scraps muft muft muft :D


FACING-BOOK PROBLEMS

Okay it's complex and not user friendly at all and as Abhinav says: "orkut k jaisi meeti ki kushboo nahi aati hai ismein se, orkut is Desi" I would have agreed with him even if he had said Orkut is Bangla-desi.

I don't understand FB shuru kahan se hota hai aur khatam kahan hota hai. Some People are voracious FBookers and some are just QUIZohlolics. Well I have thought of creating a quiz called

"WHICH SLANG SUITS YOU THE MOST"

woh bhi hindi mein, so if u are really an MC in BC's disguise the world will come to know soon ;)


INDIAN PROBLEMATIC LEAGUE

We are a county having a population of more than a billion people, but we don't have enough security forces to carry out two major events simultaneously. So we organize it in some other country and it's like, a Mother giving her whole uterus to some other person, just coz she is not immune enough :|


SIMPLY PROBLEMS

These are all about small-small individual problems like, you flunked your boards or you have aids/cancer/hepatitis-B. You met an alien and no one believes you. You lost someone special. You are in an important meeting and you have to pee, or you just broke you nose and now you look like a parrot with tapes on.

Actually these are the problems, no one bothers about coz they don't qualify for the LAME category ;)



P.S : MADS promised in her last post, that the best English-rapist walks away with an award. So people tried their luck and there was a tough competition between PINK ORCHID & SHAUNAK according to MADS, so she decided to give the award to both these rapists.

Guys here is your prize
(aho it rhymes!!)