MMX Anno Domini :D

Ladies and gentlemen, insane and sane,

Shit 4 Tat is back to give you some pain,

Presenting a summary of decade's first year end,

Led to a lot of views got changed,

CWG's money changed hands,

Kalmadi to Assange, Dolly to costly Oneeyan,

Oh shit, only 2 years left for the world to end,

Sit back and enjoy, 2010...

1) Blasted off:

Miss Universes and Miss Worlds can only wish for a peaceful world. 2010 saw terror blasts, earthquake in Haiti. 2011 might just see Pakistan disappear as a nation with blasts taking place there as often as Dolly Bindra was caught using swear words.

2) Radia Tapes:

Will 2011 see the untarnished reputation of Ratan Tata meet a blow? Only time will tell...And we hope we don't have to say Tata to this gem of a person. Although people are still confused about what Radia tape actually had. Some thought it was Radio Active. Some thought it was all-in-vain attempt by Barkha Dutt to become as famous on Twitter as Arnab Goswami. Also, Neera Radia might be a good enough contender in running for Rajya Sabha next time, or Bigg Boss, who knows.

3) Social only working and Wickedleaks:

Wicked leaks was THE THING to discuss in the latter half of the year. But how Julian Assange was framed is one another matter in itself. Probably her mistresses has planned to sing ‘Assange saareee raat, soniyo vey’ but he leaked before he could peaked. Talking of Internetting, apna Mark Zuckerberg got TIME person of the year award. Wah ladke! He also got portrayed brilliantly by Jerry Eisenberg in the Movie ‘The Social Network.’ And it all boiled down to the fact that he made all the sites he made because of a girl. Sigh. Also, the movie clearly told that we all loved the way he lied. Also, Twitter ruled. And will rule. If you are still not there, are you an Orkutiya? Seriously? Follow @shitfortat chupchaap.

4) Suresh Kalmoohe and co.:

Despite accolades and medals won by India at CWG, the world saw India in shameful light after the corruption accusations turned out to be true. Crores of money was misrepresented and every Indian now wishes that we never host any international event again.

5) Way too bigg was this boss:

She came, she yelled and she still stayed!! :O

Bigg Boss was at its worst in its 4th attempt. The industry's biggest failures were the contestants and it was pretty tuff to decide who to eliminate, since everyone sucked. Salman of course wowed audiences by BEING HUMAN...But he was the only reason people could withstand the show. Amitabh uncle returned with KBC in a valiant attempt to get the cash flowing at home, with Abhishek yet again failing at the box office. Is this why Amitabh and Shweta Bachhan are coming on Koffee with Karan for the zillionth time?

6) Game on!

Statistics proved that 2010 was the year of break ups. We can't really blame the boys for staying glued to the television throughout the year and ignoring their girls...This was the year of sporting action! India did extremely well despite the corruption controversies at IPL and Commonwealth Games. Sania Nehwal and Somdev became our new eye candy. Many records were broken by Team India in cricket, Ashes were reconquered by England and 2011 brings on the World Cup. Game set match, this was :D

7) Obama at Maa India

Mumbai's diwali was reduced to a quiet affair with President Obama making a visit. Firecrackers were prohibited, hawkers were kicked out, roads were only filled with policemen....No, it wasn't a happy Diwali for Mumbai at all. Manmohan Singh and Co. fell all over Obama, only to have him declare that US would have plenty of job opportunities in 2011. Huh! Did I hear anyone say Obama ki maa ki?

Rahul Gandhi tried to do an Obama by making a visit to a college in Ahmedabad. He messed up quite brutually and Gujjuland didn't take very kindly to him. The next Prime Minister of India? We don't think so.

8) Boxed office:Rajnican and being Dabbanged

Dabbang broke all records, and for a change we saw little of SRK around. But of course, he had to spoil the new year by starring in Koffee with Karan season 4 and moaning about his 'sad' life and him being 'lonely'. The Munnis and Sheilas took over the idiot box and discs all around, one can only wonder if this is the same India which is considered to be conservative. Rajnikanth sms's spread like fire. Shhhh, Rajnikanth reads shit for tat :-s

9)Break ups and make ups:

Salman and SRK fought and made up again this year. Kareena and Saifu, Bips and John, PC and Shahid (Maybe together/who cares), yawn yawn. Even Malaika and Arbaaz Khan are still together. Angelina and Brad didn't get married, as expected. Possibly the only 2 biggest weddings of this year were Shoaib-Sania and Shashi Tharoor-Sunanda.

Happy new year, people! May you have a fun filled, awesome year ahead =)

P.S- The title of the post was Abhinav's idea :D Cool naa? :D

Going Up?

Unless you are Robert Langdon you can relate to this post. We all travel in Elevators aka Lifts, don’t we? Not only because we are lethargic to climb those boring stairs. Stairs? Naah. I am going to gym anyways or I walk 3 KMs daily to catch bus or Ooh… I am wearing high heels, how will I be able to use stairs re! But also because some of us might be afraid of using the Escalators. }:-P so when you step into usually 4 by 4 or slightly bigger Elevators you step into a strange world. You are inside a metal cube which is absoluckingfutely small and suspended with just a group of metal strings and you just hope that electricity doesn’t ditch you while you are in there. For a minute or so, you are stuck with complete strangers. You don’t know whether to smile there or not. You cannot know whether you should laugh there or not? Even if you’ve just cracked the most hilarious non-veg joke outside the elevator, you try to curb your laughter but sometimes it spurts out by itself and rest of the junta gets confused instantly as if they were wearing leaves instead of proper clothes. So here are we presenting some insight into the Escalator world and people using it. You must have experienced it unless you are a Claustrophobic.


1.       The Corporate Kind


These are usually the men in age group 35-55 and their face clearly suggests that they are bearing frustrations of work, inability to impress their young secretary, kids who do not listen to a word and tolerating a wife whose weight and demands are increasing faster than the number of the findings of fixed cricket matches. They carry the usual rotting pink color newspaper and a very serious expression as if they fill the highest Income Tax in the world and have just lost a million dollars in Share Markets. You even stare them and they are going to eat you up starting from your eyes without even burping. “You saw me? How dare you even look at me? Do I look like KFC Chicken Wings? Watch your eyes you jerk or I am going to take your tongue out of the lift on ground floor and take the lift to 14th with your tongue still licking the air on ground floor.” They keep themselves busy talking on cell phone or drowning into their Blackberrys.

2.       The Insecure Abla Naari

If you happen to be a girl entering a lift full of males, you ought to be little cautious. Of course, unless you feel very elated when someone asks you, ‘Hor, kii haal hai?’ usually, when you are stuck with males of all shapes and sizes, eyes all over your built, you have to be nervous. Even a guy can feel nervous if he is stuck between Oblique crowd, isn’t it? From a guy’s point of view, when you enter the lift and saw your sapno-ki-rani standing there, how can you not look at her? You have to inhale lot of air to get your tummy in, act as sophisticated as possible and look busy in reading the safety precautions there*. You try to look into her eyes and suddenly take your glance away. Khekhe. Now if you are that nervous girl, which we left stranded few lines ago and got drifted into Bhavnaas, let’s discuss her. She pretends that she has worn a short top/shirt which she tries to stretch downwards as if it’s elastic. She will try to look very busy and will keep on putting the strand of hair behind her ears which keeps falling on account of gravity. Even if you ask her time, her body shivers and trembles as if you have asked for her figure. Bahin, time hi poocha hai, calm down.

3.       The Peep-king Tom

Now this is the favorite. Everyone hates him. Him mostly. He is super duper interested to read the SMS you just received as if it’s his will. He wants to learn your name from your ID card so that he can name his kids the same and your ID Number is his lucky number somehow. The name of your company is as important to him as if these are the last words he wants to say when he dies instead of a ‘ilaha il allah wa mohammad rasul allah’ (there is only one god (allah) he will say Microsoft ahhh… Dead.  He wants to see every minute detail of all the assets he comes across. And they may range from any to any kind. He wants to start a conversation with any humanly-looking-figure so that even 30 seconds don’t go for a waste. ‘Oh you live there, oh I live here. Have you seen Dabangg? Oh look at the ceiling. Oh I killed a mosquito in the morning. Mosquito se yaad aaya, aajkal Dengue bahut fail raha hai, nahi? Bhains ki taang! Taang se yaad aaya, have you seen Lady Gaga? Oot-Pa-Taang.’ He keeps on staring at you, irrespective of your sex, till the point when you have to shake a little to make him realize that you are not a poster. He is not a pervert but the elevator’s ambience makes him do so. Creepy.

4.       The Notorious Kind

Then there are people of our kind. They cannot stop giggling in the lift. They try to hide their ever so smiling face with brilliant yellow teeth but they have to laugh without any joke so they will laugh out loud eventually. They find it alien to press all the strange looking buttons inside the elevator. They love to press the emergency button just to see how the alarm sounds like. They have to by heart the Safety Precautions* so they just recite them loudly. If by chance there exists a Mirror in the lift, they have to do all their make-up there itself.  If they are 2-3 in number, and because of dense population inside, have to find a place in opposite corners, they have to talk/whisper/signal the most important thing in life to each other without fail.

5.       The ‘Who dunnit Club’

AKA eeks kind, these folks have not taken a bath since last Holi. They have stopped using Deodorants when they saw the word inflammable on the pack. They stopped using a handkerchief because someone told them that the hankies are for the guys who wear panties. They have to have Mooli-K-Paranthe or raw Radish in their breakfasts or else they will die. So they have to do part away with the fart. Shit. Yes it is the same. And what better place than the Elevator with a small shiny and invisible exhaust fan to let it go. They can even do it without the sound. Bah, not discussing it any further.

*Safety Precautions: replace the world Elevator with Girlfriend and try to read the precautions next time you enter a lift. For instance, there is a line: Do not overload the Elevator beyond its limit. Keep going up and down folks!

Image Courtesy:
Agency: JWT Brazil
Creative Director: Ricardo Chester/ Roberto Fernandes
Art Director: Silvio Medeiros
Copywrither: Thiago Carvalho

Why Japanese Love Shit 4 Tat?

Facts are facts. How many followers here have got comments from the land of the rising sun, the land of electronic gadgets, the land of earthquakes, the land of identical people? None of you.

http://shitfortat.blogspot.com/2009/07/hey-whats-your-name-basanti.html is a post of ours which has become super popular in aamchi Tokyo, sadda Japan, aapno Nippon...!

But since we are a bunch of super busy people, we cannot reply to those comments. Instead we ask you people to do us a favor:

1. Select a comment of your choice.
2. Go to http://www.translate.google.com/?hl=en
3. Select Japanese to English Translation (You may choose Japanese to Hindi if you think you missed out Hindi diwas on 14th September.)
4. Copy paste the comment and reply back with its actual meaning.

We are doing the first comment for an example:

It says "女性会員様増加につき、当サイトの出張ホストが不足中です。女性の自宅やホテルに出向き、欲望を満たすお手伝いをしてくれる男性アルバイトをただいま募集していますので、興味のある方はTOPページから無料登録をお願いいたします"

And it means something of the order of this "Increase in female membership per person is taking a business trip out of the host site. Women visited the home or hotel, so we are seeking part-time job can get you the help you meet the man who desires, who are interested to register for free thank you from the page TOP".

Thanks...

Post over!

Sayonara Dewa Mata!

Jai Hind

THE TRING TONES !

It makes you a geek, shows your personality, sets your mood(s), portrays you as a punk, sometimes freaks you, sometimes irritates you, sometimes brings a smile and all the time causes an alert. Overall a massive role player in your life despite of being just a repetitive assembly of musical codes. Yes I am talking about ringtones, singtones and caller tunes.Letz dissect some common types.

THE DADAJI-TONES: Simplest of all, soft, beeps regularly after ever two seconds in such a way that you start believing that it's not ringing anymore, whenever it takes a break of two seconds, but it surprises you every time. There are devotional tones too, like 'Gayatri mantra', 'Sai Ram' or 'arey re meri jaan hai radha' or similar types, you can keep them as your alarm tones, if you want to get up early morning, all charged up. I am sure Bhawana has plenty of them :P

THE GIRLIE-TONES: Yea, baby ! I am talking about baby tones. Girls find it 'Awwwww-some’, 'cutiee', 'kuchoo','puchooo','nonu','sonu' and what not. Baby laughs, or a baby singing this particular rhyme is 'oh-so-famous' ; "you aal my honey bunz, shuuugar plum, pumpie, umpie, umpkin, you aal my shweetie pie". When these celphones ring in a public place, some guys (like me) raise their left eyebrows to the maximum level possible and give 'wtf is wrong with you, jeez! Grow up' kind of look.

THE WHACKO-TONES: It might give you a shiver down the spine if you are a heart patient, or you wet your pants in a roller coaster ride. 'a Devil laugh' (the scary one),a 'whooshh-whoosssh, ghost's voice',' a cracking glass sound', or a 'motorbike accelerating' can freak you out sometimes, if you happen to be in your deepest slumber, and someone calls you up just for that vengeance sake, that you freaked him out during the day time. So never ever keep these stupid ring tones.

THE CATTLE INSTINCT-TONES: A dog barking, a lion roaring, a kitty meowwwing or the birds chirping are some of those tones which you might ignore unintentionally coz you do not realize soon enough that your celphone is actually ringing and your boss is calling you up to spank your butt. So when you see 10 missed calls from your boss you either give all maa bahen gaalis to your mobile or to that bechara dog who even warned you.

THE MONOLOUGE-TONES: "Arey ohh Sambha kitney aadmi the?" kind of ring tones are there too, in case you are bored and you have a memory card of 1GB full with these ring tones you can do time pass with them. Some of the famous raped versions that I have heard and hate are:

1."Daan ka intezar toh 11 mulkon ki Police kar rahi hai, par daan toh sala shana hai, pakad mein he nahi ata, huuuhahahahahaha."

2." Ab tera kya hoga Kaliya? sardar mainey apka namak khaya hai, sale namak-haram, cheap category, tu daaku nahi chor hai."

3."Dekho yeh wahi tum tum ho yeh wahi main main hun, hum dono ek jagah se uthe the, par mere pas aaj bangla hai, gaadi hai, properties hai, bank balance hai,tumhare Pas kya hai?.......Can you repeat the question?"

THE CHEAP-TONES: Laloo Yadav's Preaching or Atal Bihari Vajpayee's silent words cannot be kept as ring tones, IMFAO. Of course someone mimics it and makes it funny but it carries a bad impression if you keep it as your ring tone. However there are certain worst kinds like a cheap comedian from some laughter comedy circus, crack up some shit worse than digesting a mangled animal’s carcass. ahhooo it rhymes !! Yes I am talking about 'Pehchaan Kaun' ringtone, which goes like this:

"Pehchaan kaun? (dhol beats) Shama bhi nahi, (dhol beats), Jannie bhi nahi (dhol beats), Julie bol rahi hun (dhol beats) hatttt (dhol beats), Kutta."

Other than these ring tones, farting sounds (of various kinds), kissing sounds (not Tarkan Simarik one) or 'aahhnn uhnnn and other similar sex sounds' are present.

THE CALLER-TUNES: Vodafone calls up and makes me hear Mr. Sharma ka caller tune which goes like "Main ban ka panchi" and MR. Verma ka caller tune which goes like "Desi gal" and asks me to be either of the '--rmas'. I had one 'april fool' caller tune in which a girl picks up the call and says hello hello, till the time you start believing that either you are lucky or she is dumb or both. Currently I have 'Euro cup Special' caller tune. However I so want to have 'Nayan Tarse'.

MY KIND OF-TONES: Mostly singtones, pop, rap, rock, R&B, soft, hindi, english. Every decent but interesting types are my sms tones and ringtones(yes I keep changing it). Doesn't matter if it's loud or fast, I should like it. Yes from airtel's whistle-sound to titanic's soothing instrumental sound, I like it all. My SMS tone right now is 'Tokyo Drift' and ring tone is 'Bacardi Blast'


P.S I haven't included Regional-tones intentionally, don't think i forgot that category:P

P.P.S : while commenting also write down which kind of Caller tune, SMS tones & Ring tones you have or you like.