Showing posts with label emosonal atyachaar ki heights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emosonal atyachaar ki heights. Show all posts

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Why Japanese Love Shit 4 Tat?

Thursday, September 24, 2009
Facts are facts. How many followers here have got comments from the land of the rising sun, the land of electronic gadgets, the land of earthquakes, the land of identical people? None of you.

http://shitfortat.blogspot.com/2009/07/hey-whats-your-name-basanti.html is a post of ours which has become super popular in aamchi Tokyo, sadda Japan, aapno Nippon...!

But since we are a bunch of super busy people, we cannot reply to those comments. Instead we ask you people to do us a favor:
  1. Select a comment of your choice.
  2. Go to http://www.translate.google.com/?hl=en
  3. Select Japanese to English Translation (You may choose Japanese to Hindi if you think you missed out Hindi diwas on 14th September.)
  4. Copy paste the comment and reply back with its actual meaning.
We are doing the first comment for an example:

It says "女性会員様増加につき、当サイトの出張ホストが不足中です。女性の自宅やホテルに出向き、欲望を満たすお手伝いをしてくれる男性アルバイトをただいま募集していますので、興味のある方はTOPページから無料登録をお願いいたします"

And it means something of the order of this "Increase in female membership per person is taking a business trip out of the host site. Women visited the home or hotel, so we are seeking part-time job can get you the help you meet the man who desires, who are interested to register for free thank you from the page TOP".

Thanks...
Post over!

Sayonara Dewa Mata!

Jai Hind

Sunday, March 15, 2009

R*ck off : The climax

Sunday, March 15, 2009
A quick recap

Aaditya, the hero, is ill with STML (Not another Standard Typical Markup Language but Short Term Memory Loss). He remembers only his songs and he now only has 1 mission and vision. 1 vision because his left eye caught cataract. Poor chap. his wife, (did we mention her name?); kept on dating Prem Sharma who had a thick and strange English accent which only he understood. They have planned that the day when Aaditya's yaaddasht (Memory) returns, they will make him sign his will and they will kill him.

The Climax (Thankfully!)

Aaditya remembers things by clicking photographs. Forget everything, remember Ghajini that will make our task easier. One day when his wife is not at home, gone to a cyber cafe to read a famous blog http://shitfortat.blogspot.com, he manages to get out. He read in a newspaper that Indian Idol Auditions are being carried out in a near bye Municipal School. Recession you see. He takes the newspaper cutting and reaches at the venue. At the gate 3 musketeer resembling people are sitting. Arthos, Porthos and Aramis (Jai Ho, The author remembers SM re!). One of them is having long hair and holding a guitar. He is using the hole in the guitar to put the money he is begging. Similarly, another one holds upside turned drum to do the same. Aaditya ignores the two. And starts to move forward towards the main gate of the school. Suddenly her hears, the third one, looks like a Anglo Indian sort of person. Coughing, too much Heroin and marijuana case it seems. He finds him singing, “Darshaan do Ghanshyaam…!” Achaanak, with all due respect to Ekta Kapoor’s school of thought, he utters, “teri maa ki” and grabs his forehead and finally loses his balance and falls in his lap. When he falls, his head bounces off the drum and then he falls face first on the guitar.
3 hours later. Aaditya wakes up. He is surrounded by 3 musketeer looking men. Without even giving out a WTF, he says without even stammering, “Rachel, Monika and” sees his orange shirt, “Mirindaaaah.. eeeeehhhhhh…. Phoebe!” (thank god stammering is back!). The 3 utter in unison, “wwwwwoooww.. Aaditya, tu humein mil hi gaya!”. Anglo Indian man says, “Nikaal mere paise.. saaley, 3 Rupees 45 paise baaki hai tereko dene..” Long haired with Guitar calms down him. “Man, this is not the time to talk about money. We have met our best Friend back after so many years.”

Jaldi se kahaani ko 2 saal aage bhada dete hain. All is set. Whenever Aaditya’s wife goes out to see Prem, the trio and Aaditya rehearse in his house as they have finally registered their names for a Old School Rock Competition meant for people who have grown old. They also get to know that Prem and Aaditya’s wife have bought tickets for that show. Corner wali seat coz they know old people ka show old people hi dekhne aayenge. He shows still being affected with memory loss to his wife taaki kisi ko koi shaq na ho obviously!

D-Day

Stage is set. Lights, Camera, Pogo!

Few groups come and perform. No one even claps! Our cheap couple has no interest in any music and they are busy in doing stuff which people do at corner seats. Suddenly our rock band, TRAGIK arrives. Aaditya is the main vocalist. He grabs the mic and sneezes. His wife obviously knows about how he sneezes so she gets startled by the familiar noise. She says to Prem that she has heard about this sneeze. Prem ignores them and keeps doing what every one wishes to do. The performance is a super duper hit. Stage gets filled with roses, coins and bikinis. [sorry but some stuff if these kind is must for a cheap Bloggie]. They win by a huge margin. Suddenly a gun also finds its way to the stage. Aaditya picks it up. He has seen the 2 doing mushy things. He reaches there.

Aaditya: “Ehhh. Huh hmm.. excuse me…”
Wife: ohh! N.o. OMFG.. is is is that u u u u u Aaditya??
Aaditya: abbey I am supposed to stammer, you bloody bi^&#@!
Prem: ohh man, you have a gun… please reham, You know we have eaten your salt when you were ill.
Aaditya: toh ab goli khaa!

He checks the pistol. It has only 1 bullet in it. He thinks about which one to kill.
Wife? Prem? Wife? Prem?

He decides. He presses the trigger.

The End…!

Monday, February 9, 2009

A Bullet For My Valentine !

Monday, February 9, 2009
The guy's atyachaar has been wailed by Abhinav and the girl's atyachaar has been screeched by Mads.

HIS PART

V-Day is coming. So are you all ready for it? What have you decided? Will you go to any restaurant, movie, pub*or any par/garden/lawn to do ahem ahem.. *Giggles*

If you happen to hail from this planet and a country called India, then you must have heard about a Song called. “Emosonal Atyachaar.” What? Never heard it? Give us your email address today only and we shall mail it to you right away. Piracy will be banned from tomorrow. Now when you have listened this song you must have understood the deep emotion it touches. The lyrics compliment the awesome voice and the music of the brass bands brings a “Dhuuum-tana-na-na” in one’s ears. The song is mast only because it deals with reality. After a long interval, a song of this nature has broken into our ears. Last song was “Neele gagan k tale, subah k 5 baje…” and more recently, “Aey Ganpat, Chal daaruu laa!”

So the song deals with Emotional atyachaar. The atyachaar aka torture is what a boy feels when he falls into a deep evil in the society called an affair. Keep love out of this affair for the moment and lets discuss this evil system.

Boy likes a girl. Okay fair enough. (In fact congrats for liking a girl. Aajkal k jamaane ka kya bharosa) so without aajo baajo looking, he proposes her. Obviously she says no. first time yes kehde toh ego –ve main nahi chali jayegi? After 4-5 proposals, gifts, treats, she finally says yes. The hard work paid off. Dating starts. Movies. Discos. Gardens[The author feels shy to go any further].

Initial few days are fun. Then the funnier part starts. Boy calls the girl for dinner. She says, “Yaar actually hai na, who meri mummy hai na.. abhi yaar who ill hain. You know, she had fast yesterday. Ate too much today. So she is feeling dizzy. I can’t come. Sorry sweetooo!”. Boy says, “Okay dear… take care of your mother. We shall meet some other day.”

He asks again after a week or so. “Yaar, you know na, exams are coming. Jaaanoo, you know na, I have to beat the topper this time. Saali kalmooohi 0.8% jyada le aayi thii mere se. iss bar toh main uskee laga doongi”.

Boy says, “Abbey main bhi toh padhta hoo. Topper na sahi but I still get a gud %age.” Girl gets angry, “What do you think am I lying? Tu.. haan haan tu jo kal Priya ki bacchi k saath ghoom raha tha mall main who kya ha? Bata bey.. tu bata..” Boy: “Arey, she is just another friend of mine. You are the one for me.” Girl: “Chal chal e shaane, hawa aane de.. samajhti hoo main.” Phone line blasts off.

It’s very tough to be a boy. Yes, the one who always suffers the most. The one who waits for hours to meet but she always arrives at least 40 minutes later. The innocent lamb. Poor chap. Of course, there may be some exceptions but the one who really faces emotional atyachaar is the one and only. A BOY.

* Mr. Pramod Muthalik reads this blog. Commenting on the very first line of this blog requires discretion.




HER PART


Phase 1- Roses smell sweet, they don't have any thorns.


He proposed to me. I thought about it. I asked my 6 girlfriend's opinion. All of us girls had a debate for a week over it.Finally, I agreed to accept his proposal. I introduced him to my girl friends. I noticed whether he looked at any of them for more than 7 seconds or not. Luckily he didn't. If a guy looks at a girl for more than 7 seconds, then he is fantasizing about having sex with her, did you know that?? My boyfriend wasn't sex hungry. Yay!!! I'm the luckiest girl in the world. My boyfriend is the best boyfriend in the world.


Phase 2- Tra la la la la. Roses are red, violets are blue. I want to get married only to you.


He got me flowers before every date. I was late by only 1 hour for our date since I couldn't find a light pink nail polish and I had to put on a dark pink nail polish. He didn't say a word about me being late. I got compliments each time I breathed. He held the door for me, pulled a chair for me, paid the bill. He is God. I'm his Goddess. Let no child on this earth be devoid of love and affection.


Phase 3- Ouch! Something pricks!!


1) Chelsea losing the match to Manchester United is not a valid reason for breaking off a date.

2)He did not notice my new nail colour. That means something is definitely wrong. He's seeing someone else!!!!

3)He turned up for a date in shorts and sweatshirt and bathroom slippers and I dress up only for 4 hours non-stop. And he didn't even compliment me.

4)I cry. For hours. For days. He should let me cry and comfort me in a better way instead of saying "Arre yaar rona bandh kar abhi".

5)He doesn't meet my eyes when I ask him if he loves me,and then if he really loves me, and then if he really really really loves me. He tells me that he loves me only 10 times a day.

6)He pulled out a chair for me, and I fell flat on the floor. He was busy staring at a waiter. Maa da laadla bahut bigad gaya!!!

7)He took me only to the disc,movies,dinner,followed by a drive the other day.

And so on so forth. I told the 6 girls about this. We had a debate for 2 weeks over this matter. Then, I heard my friend's cousin's sister's friend's neighbour's dance class had a girl who knew him. A friend told my cousin, who told my sister, who told her friend, who told to one of our mutual friends, who told me, that he was taking up dancing classes and his dance partner was that girl. That was the last straw.


Phase 4- Withered away, my love....


I told him I was dumping him. We could still be friends. We meet daily and he makes a puppy face and sings...


Tauba tera jalwa, tauba tera pyaar....tera emosonal..atyachaar...

Tragedy....Tragedy....