FACEBOOKrimination !

'Online gender discrimination', heard of it ? yeah this time the needle has taken a 180 degree turn, Now the target are guys and girls are having time of their life. How is it true? Well I am talking about FB precisely. Still did not get it ?

Okay so for all the laymen, let me break this shit down in to lemons !!

Kids, We will take FB specimen and see what the inference is..

On a girl's Status Message which is as lame as: "is happy after watching twilight, Robert Pattinson is hot" or a mere smiley like this ":D",there would be ;

i)at least 20 likes and 30 comments, if the girl is pretty and the comments would be as lame as the SM itself.

commenter 1 (a guy) : I am happy for you too, keep enjoying :D (yeah why won't you be jerk, she is pretty)

commenter 2 (a lame guy/gay) : wow !! even I love Robert Pattinson !! (I mean WTF :O)

commenter 3 (this time a girl ) : hey babe wats up ? ( err u did not just read wats up wid her? fucking blind lady !)

commenter 4 (some newly added XYZ) : thank you for accepting my friend req (great and now you will spam her homepage, boy shez gonna regret it later and you are blocked for sure)

....and this continues till her next update comes up.

ii) at least 10 likes, and 20 comments, if the girl is average but way too frank and active on FB.

commenter 1 (a dude who is a flirt) : next time watch with me, you will be more happy (well why not, I mean obviously you know how to talk:| )

commenter 2 (some guy) : plot was good, movie was okayish, I hate Pattinson he looks gay (Okay, so finally someone with a genuine comment, YAY !)

iii) 5 likes and 2 comments even if the girl has hair all over her body other than her head !

On a guy's Status Message which is as sad as this "Met with an accident, broke my hand, 15 stitches in my ass, 5 front teeth gone, 5 months bed rest"

i) 2 likes (WTF :O), and 10 comments (ranging from sympathy to irritating ones)if the guy is popular and is handsome.

commenter 1 (his best friend): Man ! that is bad, get well soon mamu (thanks, now call me haramkhor !!)

commenter 2 (so called friend): sale ladki taap raha tha kya? lol, kaise gira ? and stitches on ur ass? now you are a certified asshole, LMAO (you just hit me where it hurts, let me get well and you are gone)

commenter 3 (guy's gf): I will come to see you tomorrow, got some work today (of course you do, now you will be busy for next 5 months, for sure).

On a girl's recently updated Photograph, where she is wearing a mini skirt or some kinda party wear, which of course makes her look good in the party, but makes her look better on FB.

i) 40 likes, and 50 comments, that too in just two hours :O

Commenter 1( of course a guy) : WOW !!!!! SEXY, DAZZLING, STUPENDOUS, AMAZING, MAGNIFICENT, SPARKLING, ETC ETC ( dude did not you use all your rubbish vocab in one comment ? and wtf is this "etc etc" eh ?)

Commenter 2 (of course a pervert) : I love you ( really ? like really ? LOSER !get the fuck outta here)

Commenter 3 (of course her best gf) : hawtyyy muaaah ( err, don't blame perverts now, if they get aroused by this PDA)

the funny part about the last comment is that it will have again 5 likes :O

On a guy's photograph, which is taken while sky diving and looks AWESOME !

i) there would hardly be 5 likes and 6 comments, and I am not making this up, I do have proof !

commenter 1 (his friend): amazing dude, which place is this ? (sky !! can't you see? )

commenter 2 (his office colleague): enjoy your trip ( of course I will, after all I don't have to see your face for a few days)

On a girl's Relationship Status that says "married, Committed or single"

i) If it's married,then there would be 100 likes and 150 comments depending on the size of the friend-list of course

commenter 1-100 (guys,girls, eunuchs) : congratulationssssss, happy married life !! (her next status message would be thank you all for those wonderful wishes )

ii) If the status says "In a relationship" then at least 50 likes and 50 comments ranging from shocks, to wishes to lame queries.

commenter 1 (some good OL friend) : When :O What: O How :O Why : O (alright there Mr.Aaj Tak, enough !)

commenter 2 (Her bachpan ka aashiq) : Wish you all the best in your life, take care ( LMAO, so cute you are =)) )

commenter 3 (the guy she is committed to) : hehe ;) (now what the hell is there to wink and laugh ? is it a joke for you ? bastard !)

iii) If the update says "single", then at least 20 likes by those guys who like her and 20 girls who are also single and hence happy to see this change.

commenter 1 (her office ka majnu) : hey update me with your number ya, long time. (wat ? really ? we daily meet in the office and I dun even smile at you :|)

commenter 2 (her other single friend, who is no more jealous) : congrats, welcome to the club girl (c'mon she had a nasty break up,give her some time. BITCH !)

If it's a guy with these type of Relationship status updates, there will maximum be 10 likes and at most 15 comments(including his own "thank you" comments) and all the comments would be "Congratulations" or somewhere on those lines, irrespective of what he has updated !!

It doesn't end here, it goes same for video updates, stupid fortune cookies and lame quiz results and beyond that. Not only confined to FB or orkut, it is even apparent on Blogsville.I had written a similar post before, but FB gender discrimination is way too itchy !!

PROB-LAMES

Look around and you will find tension over people's head instead of those natural black/white/blond/Grey things made from dead cells. People have to ponder and take tension of every matter around and invite their PIA and DURA matters along in the brain pissing exercise.

Half of the world is busy fucking and the rest half is fucking busy.

But being a SFTian we have to ensure that we take it with a pinch of salt and a punch of chilled and hot chops. We are turning the wagon wheel and lets see what all silly and frustrating events come up. I am sure some are just lame and some are just not the same.

JOBS/RECESSION

Some people desperately want a BLOW, Some Desperately want a JOB and Some Despos just want both these things together.

Engineers (specially computer and IT) have a void at the end of each program they plan for and other engineers just have 0 error but countless warnings in their future plans. Someone told me that the best investment for now is to invest in higher studies. I say but what If i am done with my studying, do I go for a triple PhD ?

Anyways if you are an engg like me and don't have a job, then one suggestion for now, READING 'a-S-F-T' WILL NOT HELP :|


PALAK-6.0 -ROADIES DOWN UNDER !!

She has changed the meaning of 'USP' for any TV show.Made Roadies equivalent to hell, Now i am sure once roadies gets over and Rakhi Sawant is married, she is gonna replace her in all the crying ceremonies.

Check out the beauty of this sentence and better appreciate my lame creativity.

" How the Roadies can, a girl give Maa, bahen, beti galis 24x7 on a National TV".

I told u 'roadies' is now equivalent to 'hell'..duh !

She has this manly voice which I have heard in my horrifying dreams so many times, and when she gets happy i get depressed, When she laughs I cry, when she cries I laugh.

She has become the antonym of Joy for me . I have controlled myself from not breaking TV every nano-second of what i have seen her,and the reason is that i watch it in my hostel ka TV so can't really break it, I do My breathing exercise, Count till 10, take chill pills whenever I see her. I hate all the PALAKs in the world becoz of that 'BEEP'.


ORKUT sCRAP

One morning I got up and saw some 1300 scraps missing, then i asked some people, they had lost 2000 scraps. some lost 3000 scraps, and some people became a complete 'SCRAP-VIRGIN' once again.

Then like a true 007 Fanatic, i investigated every single tiny finger profile possible, and came to know from scrutinizing Orkut's blog that, It has now removed all the scraps sent by the people who are no longer in your list or have, deleted their account and all the link wale scraps are now considered as SPAM. so UNSPAM them and get those few scraps muft muft muft :D


FACING-BOOK PROBLEMS

Okay it's complex and not user friendly at all and as Abhinav says: "orkut k jaisi meeti ki kushboo nahi aati hai ismein se, orkut is Desi" I would have agreed with him even if he had said Orkut is Bangla-desi.

I don't understand FB shuru kahan se hota hai aur khatam kahan hota hai. Some People are voracious FBookers and some are just QUIZohlolics. Well I have thought of creating a quiz called

"WHICH SLANG SUITS YOU THE MOST"

woh bhi hindi mein, so if u are really an MC in BC's disguise the world will come to know soon ;)


INDIAN PROBLEMATIC LEAGUE

We are a county having a population of more than a billion people, but we don't have enough security forces to carry out two major events simultaneously. So we organize it in some other country and it's like, a Mother giving her whole uterus to some other person, just coz she is not immune enough :|


SIMPLY PROBLEMS

These are all about small-small individual problems like, you flunked your boards or you have aids/cancer/hepatitis-B. You met an alien and no one believes you. You lost someone special. You are in an important meeting and you have to pee, or you just broke you nose and now you look like a parrot with tapes on.

Actually these are the problems, no one bothers about coz they don't qualify for the LAME category ;)



P.S : MADS promised in her last post, that the best English-rapist walks away with an award. So people tried their luck and there was a tough competition between PINK ORCHID & SHAUNAK according to MADS, so she decided to give the award to both these rapists.

Guys here is your prize
(aho it rhymes!!)