Sunday, March 15, 2009

R*ck off : The climax

Sunday, March 15, 2009
A quick recap

Aaditya, the hero, is ill with STML (Not another Standard Typical Markup Language but Short Term Memory Loss). He remembers only his songs and he now only has 1 mission and vision. 1 vision because his left eye caught cataract. Poor chap. his wife, (did we mention her name?); kept on dating Prem Sharma who had a thick and strange English accent which only he understood. They have planned that the day when Aaditya's yaaddasht (Memory) returns, they will make him sign his will and they will kill him.

The Climax (Thankfully!)

Aaditya remembers things by clicking photographs. Forget everything, remember Ghajini that will make our task easier. One day when his wife is not at home, gone to a cyber cafe to read a famous blog, he manages to get out. He read in a newspaper that Indian Idol Auditions are being carried out in a near bye Municipal School. Recession you see. He takes the newspaper cutting and reaches at the venue. At the gate 3 musketeer resembling people are sitting. Arthos, Porthos and Aramis (Jai Ho, The author remembers SM re!). One of them is having long hair and holding a guitar. He is using the hole in the guitar to put the money he is begging. Similarly, another one holds upside turned drum to do the same. Aaditya ignores the two. And starts to move forward towards the main gate of the school. Suddenly her hears, the third one, looks like a Anglo Indian sort of person. Coughing, too much Heroin and marijuana case it seems. He finds him singing, “Darshaan do Ghanshyaam…!” Achaanak, with all due respect to Ekta Kapoor’s school of thought, he utters, “teri maa ki” and grabs his forehead and finally loses his balance and falls in his lap. When he falls, his head bounces off the drum and then he falls face first on the guitar.
3 hours later. Aaditya wakes up. He is surrounded by 3 musketeer looking men. Without even giving out a WTF, he says without even stammering, “Rachel, Monika and” sees his orange shirt, “Mirindaaaah.. eeeeehhhhhh…. Phoebe!” (thank god stammering is back!). The 3 utter in unison, “wwwwwoooww.. Aaditya, tu humein mil hi gaya!”. Anglo Indian man says, “Nikaal mere paise.. saaley, 3 Rupees 45 paise baaki hai tereko dene..” Long haired with Guitar calms down him. “Man, this is not the time to talk about money. We have met our best Friend back after so many years.”

Jaldi se kahaani ko 2 saal aage bhada dete hain. All is set. Whenever Aaditya’s wife goes out to see Prem, the trio and Aaditya rehearse in his house as they have finally registered their names for a Old School Rock Competition meant for people who have grown old. They also get to know that Prem and Aaditya’s wife have bought tickets for that show. Corner wali seat coz they know old people ka show old people hi dekhne aayenge. He shows still being affected with memory loss to his wife taaki kisi ko koi shaq na ho obviously!


Stage is set. Lights, Camera, Pogo!

Few groups come and perform. No one even claps! Our cheap couple has no interest in any music and they are busy in doing stuff which people do at corner seats. Suddenly our rock band, TRAGIK arrives. Aaditya is the main vocalist. He grabs the mic and sneezes. His wife obviously knows about how he sneezes so she gets startled by the familiar noise. She says to Prem that she has heard about this sneeze. Prem ignores them and keeps doing what every one wishes to do. The performance is a super duper hit. Stage gets filled with roses, coins and bikinis. [sorry but some stuff if these kind is must for a cheap Bloggie]. They win by a huge margin. Suddenly a gun also finds its way to the stage. Aaditya picks it up. He has seen the 2 doing mushy things. He reaches there.

Aaditya: “Ehhh. Huh hmm.. excuse me…”
Wife: ohh! N.o. OMFG.. is is is that u u u u u Aaditya??
Aaditya: abbey I am supposed to stammer, you bloody bi^&#@!
Prem: ohh man, you have a gun… please reham, You know we have eaten your salt when you were ill.
Aaditya: toh ab goli khaa!

He checks the pistol. It has only 1 bullet in it. He thinks about which one to kill.
Wife? Prem? Wife? Prem?

He decides. He presses the trigger.

The End…!