Sunday, January 18, 2009

Whatz ur horror scope???

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Ganesha says you will be striving Hard and long for success and straining every sinew and muscle. Ouch that hurts!! Quit plans of joining gym because you will be already straining your muscles. Exercise comes your way free of cost. In times of recession, aren't you happy for this? You should be careful of your health. Don't eat out side. No golgappa. Only home made idli and dosas.


Ganesha says power and project is the name of the game. As your zodiac sign is tough and strong, you might use your physical power to get some project from somewhere. That might land you up in trouble though. 2009 should be taken in a spirit of enterprise and adventure for a maximum mileage. So a career in field of falsehood, drudgery (wonder if Raju from Satyam is a Taurean) is on the cards. Your creativity will be at an all-time high. You will carve out innovative excuses of how to avoid taking bath. There's a big possibility of your bf/gf ditching you, so u better do something abt it right now...I'm single,btw.


Ganesha says there are 3 main trends:

1. Good money will come your way in one way or the other. I think Ganesha doesn't know it's recession period now. Which world is he living in? (pun very much intended)

2. Domestic disturbances the health of parents and in-laws could cause concern/anxiety. Although, I don't think health of in-laws would cause any anxiety to anyone.


Ganesha says, a thwacking good year for cancerians. Marriage, journeys, fame, love, communications, the birth of children, a house or office move. Loving and marrying your own children, all in a year? I really don't envy you. You have earned your place in the sun! The sun's hot, I'm hot, hell is hot. No wonder all the hot babes end up in hell.


Money is the master key. Hard work and gains are the legacy of Jupiter. Saturn advises caution in food and family matters. Newly married women- don't learn cooking. Newly married men- eat bahar ka biryani….Ganesha says, the bonus will be spirituality and a higher level of consciousness. Become a sanyasi. Anyway, there's nothing worth it to watch on T.V anymore. It will help you to live life fully.


Top drawer creativity, clear and powerful expression children, games of chance love hobbies make sure pleasure and profit. People mix pleasure and creativity and play a game and profit by (re)producing children. But you do need to take care of your health. Pray to Hanuman / Allah / Zoroaster / Jesus- in short, don't come to me again for help. Polish your image and be POSITIVE. No other blood group will do, after polishing. B+ only rocks.


Windows of opportunity, as the Americans says, open out for you on the home and domestic frontierS. I don't think any opportunity will make Ranbir Kapoor come through the window of my home. Here's your chance, a RARE one, for PEACE and HARMONY,, despite expences and worries. Oh, so the tax department will finally get closed down? Saturn will trouble you, but also help you in tradition, the welfare of others, Philanthropy, true spirituality and liberation from material bondage. How come I'm in trouble and I am benevolent and spiritual etc. for other's welfare ???? Life is unfair and Fair and Lovely will NOT work !!


This says Ganesha, could be a fine a year, for the both honey (love) and adventure. If you drink honey, you have to pay fine to Ganesha. So don't drink honey. Don't have monkey sex (adventure). Ganesha asks fine for that too.


Up to september it may be troublesome for the health. HECK !! i am already feeling low and feverish, i blame it on you. From september onwards great progress in career. OHH !! is it ? i will want a dreamless slumber till then, bye bye i am going on hibernation guys.After september spouse will be more positive in sex. Errr who wants a viagra ? The state of money crisis might drive you crazy too. Obviously i am no bill gates.I'll be better  if i devise a plan of action, that will prevent my money from going away to the dinasours.


The tallest tree in the world was 450 feet. You can compare yourself to the tallest tree in terms of stature, class, power! The government is obsessed with chopping off trees and still ranting about for a Green India, so yeah, I know how powerful I'll be if I'm compared to the tallest tree. Taller you are, the more are the chances of you getting chopped off. Success and fame will RIDE with you! Have your driving license ready. It'll be a ride to the top so keep your parachutes ready to come crashing down, since it's recession. It's a wonder gravity is still working.


Ganesha Confirms sudden ups-and-downs are almost certain. You will be going by the elevator very often. Life could be a see-saw but you will enjoy the 'high' phases, and come terms with yourself. Happy boozing sessions to Aquarians. The pleasures of the bed right sleeping like a curled up cosy cat, to violent and passionate sex, dreams and visions, telepathy and clairvoyance are also include under the umbrella of this forecast. Umbrella and sex. Hmmm…


Friends, profit and promotion, children, hobbies, wish-fulfilment, socialising and all group activities are a few of the goodies in store for you. But separations and law cases and parting of the ways for various reasons is also foretold. It is better to endure the torture from your spouse than from the Indian judiciary which prolongs every damn case. Rest assured you will be finally divorced when your grandchildren get grandchildren.