Monday, February 16, 2009

BLOGGERS ON THE MENU --- which one is you ?

Monday, February 16, 2009
Blogspot is densely packed with plethora of yummy and yucckkkkky bloggers and their respective blogs, but just like the way someone raped what William Wordsworth once said in to a toxic version as “the beauty lies in the eyes of a BEER holder” we also have our own assumptions. We are baking the names up and serving you on our ‘a-shit-for- tat’ along with some sarcastic cherry toppings and slapstick float drinks.


These are the simplest bloggers alive and that too in abundance. They would write about all the things they did today/y’day as per their time management. From attending his/her (mostly) ‘calls’ to attending his (mostly)/her ‘nature’s call’. About his (mostly)/her ‘work’ and about his/her (mostly) ‘dates’. They hardly go berserk and violent on any topic unless it’s a terror attack or a female molestation case or some personal bad experiences. In short they are almost non –harmful, just like a BREEZER which has merely 4% alcohol. Their blogs are like personal diaries but the irony is that it’s public. You peep in there, read what’s going on (if you are interested) or you have the option of being reluctant in whatever is happening in some unknown random person’s life and they don’t give a damn about it, that’s why their comments oscillate between 5-25 per post.


Okay the name should have been ‘THE GUMS’ but it’s not a beverage so a rhyming one would do for the time being errrr WTF (what the fake?)

They are always high about their own life problems. Fiascos, break-ups, bad phases, Examinations, Health problems (yes pregnancy cases too!), trauma’s and severe other possible ways of frustrating themselves and the readers along with it. A few DEV Ds and a huge DEVI Ds are the examples. They are also gender biased most of the times, e.g, a female blogger would curse her ex-

bf even if she has dumped him and the bechara had no fault whatsoever in a poem like this:

He the fuck had no fucking right to fuck me and leave,

I the fuck, will fucking hunt him down & I fucking swear by Eve.”

A male blogger will curse his ex-gf somewhat like this:

So insane and ugly was the fucking bitch,

That I had no other option than to fuck her and ditch.

Gawd !! somebody give them anti-depressants, and ask them to Shut the Fuck up. Anyways they are moody, so analyze your own comments and then write and dare not give any suggestions, else you will be in their F rated versions from the next time onwards.


They write such hi-fi/ sci-fi/ wi-fi poems, short stories and even jokes that sometimes you can’t understand even after turning the pages of your dictionary or even after googling for hours, coz it’s either their made-up words or some very cleverly penned down emotions. for example

“The alacrity of my wit and the euphoria of her sanity made even the curmudgeon go week on the knees and the dearth of insanity started vanishing and thereby tranquility emerged.”

Kisi k baap ko samjh nahi ayega, ki yeh kya bol raha hai.

And the made-up words and hence the sentences which will come up would be something like this.

“The horizonated blissingly pleasure is captionated somewhere in my mind”

These type of bloggers get two types of comments

i) Awesome work dude, nice usage of words and beautifully narrated (Oh really?? You mean you got what he means?)

ii) Cool poem (simplest admiration and the worst comment of all time)

THE MARGARITAS They are phunny and phunky and phoool oph humour. You visit their blogs and smile, giggle, LOL, ROFL and visit again and repeat the previous procedure. They will write even the biggest of their fiascos in a humorous manner. They are the prototypes of Chandler/Barny. Would write about intellectual stuffs in a funny manner and jokes in a serious manner. The irony makes It LOLable. They are smart and know how to tackle an issue, they will insult you publicly and yet you won’t mind it. They are in fact anti-depressants. One of the ‘next to extinct’ species on the blogville.


They would upload a picture taken/googled and then would write four-five lines on it, sometimes it’s too brilliant and sometimes its cliché, but its always nice coz you get to read small posts and then comment properly. You never misinterpret or get confused. But it’s always difficult to figure out whether they wrote those lines first or they searched that figure first. Either way it’s nice.


They are the blend of all the above bloggers, they crib, they abuse, they are sarcastic, they are serious , they are funny. They are so simple yet so complex, they are unpredictable and yet so obvious. Would leave serious impressions. They are the perfect cocktail of all the emotions present in the world so be ready to get shocks/surprises any time from their blogs. They are moody and so their blogs are. Infact the second next to extinct variety on blogville. They would write poems, real life incidents, one liners, jokes, absurd posts but will bring variety. In short they rock and they rock even when they sulk and suck.