Monday, February 9, 2009

A Bullet For My Valentine !

Monday, February 9, 2009
The guy's atyachaar has been wailed by Abhinav and the girl's atyachaar has been screeched by Mads.


V-Day is coming. So are you all ready for it? What have you decided? Will you go to any restaurant, movie, pub*or any par/garden/lawn to do ahem ahem.. *Giggles*

If you happen to hail from this planet and a country called India, then you must have heard about a Song called. “Emosonal Atyachaar.” What? Never heard it? Give us your email address today only and we shall mail it to you right away. Piracy will be banned from tomorrow. Now when you have listened this song you must have understood the deep emotion it touches. The lyrics compliment the awesome voice and the music of the brass bands brings a “Dhuuum-tana-na-na” in one’s ears. The song is mast only because it deals with reality. After a long interval, a song of this nature has broken into our ears. Last song was “Neele gagan k tale, subah k 5 baje…” and more recently, “Aey Ganpat, Chal daaruu laa!”

So the song deals with Emotional atyachaar. The atyachaar aka torture is what a boy feels when he falls into a deep evil in the society called an affair. Keep love out of this affair for the moment and lets discuss this evil system.

Boy likes a girl. Okay fair enough. (In fact congrats for liking a girl. Aajkal k jamaane ka kya bharosa) so without aajo baajo looking, he proposes her. Obviously she says no. first time yes kehde toh ego –ve main nahi chali jayegi? After 4-5 proposals, gifts, treats, she finally says yes. The hard work paid off. Dating starts. Movies. Discos. Gardens[The author feels shy to go any further].

Initial few days are fun. Then the funnier part starts. Boy calls the girl for dinner. She says, “Yaar actually hai na, who meri mummy hai na.. abhi yaar who ill hain. You know, she had fast yesterday. Ate too much today. So she is feeling dizzy. I can’t come. Sorry sweetooo!”. Boy says, “Okay dear… take care of your mother. We shall meet some other day.”

He asks again after a week or so. “Yaar, you know na, exams are coming. Jaaanoo, you know na, I have to beat the topper this time. Saali kalmooohi 0.8% jyada le aayi thii mere se. iss bar toh main uskee laga doongi”.

Boy says, “Abbey main bhi toh padhta hoo. Topper na sahi but I still get a gud %age.” Girl gets angry, “What do you think am I lying? Tu.. haan haan tu jo kal Priya ki bacchi k saath ghoom raha tha mall main who kya ha? Bata bey.. tu bata..” Boy: “Arey, she is just another friend of mine. You are the one for me.” Girl: “Chal chal e shaane, hawa aane de.. samajhti hoo main.” Phone line blasts off.

It’s very tough to be a boy. Yes, the one who always suffers the most. The one who waits for hours to meet but she always arrives at least 40 minutes later. The innocent lamb. Poor chap. Of course, there may be some exceptions but the one who really faces emotional atyachaar is the one and only. A BOY.

* Mr. Pramod Muthalik reads this blog. Commenting on the very first line of this blog requires discretion.


Phase 1- Roses smell sweet, they don't have any thorns.

He proposed to me. I thought about it. I asked my 6 girlfriend's opinion. All of us girls had a debate for a week over it.Finally, I agreed to accept his proposal. I introduced him to my girl friends. I noticed whether he looked at any of them for more than 7 seconds or not. Luckily he didn't. If a guy looks at a girl for more than 7 seconds, then he is fantasizing about having sex with her, did you know that?? My boyfriend wasn't sex hungry. Yay!!! I'm the luckiest girl in the world. My boyfriend is the best boyfriend in the world.

Phase 2- Tra la la la la. Roses are red, violets are blue. I want to get married only to you.

He got me flowers before every date. I was late by only 1 hour for our date since I couldn't find a light pink nail polish and I had to put on a dark pink nail polish. He didn't say a word about me being late. I got compliments each time I breathed. He held the door for me, pulled a chair for me, paid the bill. He is God. I'm his Goddess. Let no child on this earth be devoid of love and affection.

Phase 3- Ouch! Something pricks!!

1) Chelsea losing the match to Manchester United is not a valid reason for breaking off a date.

2)He did not notice my new nail colour. That means something is definitely wrong. He's seeing someone else!!!!

3)He turned up for a date in shorts and sweatshirt and bathroom slippers and I dress up only for 4 hours non-stop. And he didn't even compliment me.

4)I cry. For hours. For days. He should let me cry and comfort me in a better way instead of saying "Arre yaar rona bandh kar abhi".

5)He doesn't meet my eyes when I ask him if he loves me,and then if he really loves me, and then if he really really really loves me. He tells me that he loves me only 10 times a day.

6)He pulled out a chair for me, and I fell flat on the floor. He was busy staring at a waiter. Maa da laadla bahut bigad gaya!!!

7)He took me only to the disc,movies,dinner,followed by a drive the other day.

And so on so forth. I told the 6 girls about this. We had a debate for 2 weeks over this matter. Then, I heard my friend's cousin's sister's friend's neighbour's dance class had a girl who knew him. A friend told my cousin, who told my sister, who told her friend, who told to one of our mutual friends, who told me, that he was taking up dancing classes and his dance partner was that girl. That was the last straw.

Phase 4- Withered away, my love....

I told him I was dumping him. We could still be friends. We meet daily and he makes a puppy face and sings...

Tauba tera jalwa, tauba tera pyaar....tera emosonal..atyachaar...